


let's get together before we get much older

by brianmaybrianmay



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Brad Colbert Feelings Inc., Don't Ask Don't Tell, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Hospitals, Kissing, M/M, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianmaybrianmay/pseuds/brianmaybrianmay
Summary: It happened for the first time at Walt's wedding. Brad wasn't sure what to do about it when it kept happening after that. He just knew that he was well and truly fucked.
Relationships: Brad Colbert/Ray Person
Comments: 31
Kudos: 119





	let's get together before we get much older

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, thanks for giving this a read :)
> 
> first things first, this is set in late '07/early '08, and title is from Baba O'Reilly by The Who
> 
> also, I have absolutely no idea of the inner workings of the US Military.. all I know is what I've picked up from watching HBO War, other war movies, and reading the books.. so if you notice something that probably makes no sense at all, then chances are I've noticed it too and just tried to make it as believable as possible!
> 
> as always, this is based on the characters from Generation Kill, and not the real life marines!
> 
> on that note though, thank u for reading and hope you enjoy :)

When Brad woke up, the first thing he realised was just how awful he felt. It had been a long time since he'd woken up with a hangover as bad as the one he was currently nursing - every muscle in his body ached, his head felt like it was about to split in two, and he had a bad case of cotton mouth. He was naked too, but it wasn't all that unusual for him to just strip out of his clothes when he was too drunk to try and find something to wear to bed - and drunk he certainly had been.

He had good reason for it though, considering it had been Walt's wedding yesterday. They had held the wedding in California, despite the fact that both Walt and his new wife were from Virginia - simply due to the fact that most of the Marines who had been invited weren't on leave and were currently stationed at Camp Pendleton, Walt included. It was easier this way, and it meant that most of the men in the company were actually able to attend.

The ceremony itself had been pretty lovely actually. It had been a relatively small affair, only the bride and groom's family and closest friends had been in attendance, which in Walt's case meant half a company of Marines. Alison had been beautiful in her white lace dress with flowers in her red hair, and Walt had cried when she'd walked down the aisle to him, Brad and Trombley at his side as his groomsmen, and Ray as his best man. Not that Brad ever wanted to get married - he considered the whole thing an institution designed to cost people money - but he would admit that it had been rather sweet to watch Walt sniffling into his sleeve of his dress blues at the sight of his bride. He was pretty sure he had seen Ray subtly trying to wipe away a tear or two too. He hadn't cried though, he was the Iceman, and the Iceman didn't cry at weddings.

Once the ceremony was over, they had relocated to a nearby hotel for the dinner and the reception, which realistically was the best part of the wedding. It was nice to catch up with the other men, some of whom he hadn't actually seen in a while. He and Walt were still part of the platoon, as well as Trombley, but a good few of them had retired from the Marines since they had been deployed to Iraq back in '03. Poke had left almost as soon as they had gotten home, deciding that he couldn't leave his girls again. Ray had stayed a while longer, had even toyed with the idea of going career for a little while, but had ultimately decided that he wasn't a career Marine and had retired from the Corps a couple of months after Poke had. Nate hadn't been much long after Ray, deciding to go back to school with his GI bill. That one had been a little harder to cope with, considering Nate had been one of the only competent officers they'd had during OIF, otherwise they had been surrounded by idiots in charge like Encino Man and Captain America. He was still getting used to life on base without them around, but it was definitely getting easier.

Of course though, a reception full of Marines meant only one thing - there was a hell of a lot of drinking involved. Which brought him back to the hangover he was suffering with.

Squinting against the daylight shining through the curtains that had been left open last night, he turned over onto his left side so that it wasn't blinding him anymore, and was faced with the last thing that he'd expected to see - Ray's face about six inches from his own, his cheek pressed into the pillow underneath his head, and very clearly still dead to the world. That wasn't the alarming part though, the alarming part was that the sheets had pooled down around Ray's waist, and that the other man was clearly in an equal state of undress as Brad was, his chest bare and stupid tattoos on show. The other thing that scared him a little was that he could very clearly see a dark hickey pressed into the skin over Ray's collarbone, similar faint bruises trailing up the tendon of his neck.

It wasn't exactly hard to look at the facts - that he was naked, that he was in bed next to Ray, that he could barely remember parts of the night before - and put two and two together to come to the conclusion that he and Ray had slept together last night. He was pretty angry with himself actually, mostly at the fact that he'd let himself get drunk enough to even sleep with Ray in the first place, but also that he'd been drunk enough that he didn't remember it. He'd be the first to admit that Ray was a fucking inbred Whisky Tango cousin-fucking hick. But he had no shame in admitting that the younger man was smarter than he let on - he had a knack for picking up languages, and he was pretty much a genius when it came to radios. He knew his shit and if asked, Brad had no problem telling people that Ray was the best RTO he'd ever worked with. He was good with the men too, he knew how to use his stupid antics to brighten the men's spirits a little when everybody had been feeling the pressure, and he'd been so grateful to have Ray around when Walt had been struggling with shooting the man in the car. He and Walt had a good relationship, but he knew that Walt saw him more as a leader than a friend. Ray had been able to be there for him the way that Brad couldn't be, and he knew that that was a lot of the reason that Walt had gotten through the other side of that.

So yeah, Ray was a fucking retard at the best of times, but he had his virtues. Plus, Brad maybe loved him a little bit, so there was that too.

Not that he'd ever admit that, or had ever planned to act on it before last night obviously. DADT was still very much a thing, and despite the fact that Ray was no longer a Marine, it could fuck up Brad's career and his entire life if this ever got out. So definitely the less said about it the better. But yeah, there was maybe a small part of him that wondered that if they had never joined the Marine Corps, if they had somehow met under different circumstances, would things have been different. He'd had no idea before right now that Ray was even open to the idea of sleeping with men, but considering their current situation, he was pretty sure he could hazard a guess and say that he wasn't averse to it.

Thankfully, when Ray wasn't sleeping with one eye open, he slept like the dead. Which meant that it was easy enough for Brad to quietly slip out of the bed without disturbing him. A quick glance around told him that he was in Ray's hotel room rather than his own, which meant that he'd at least be able to make his escape. Maybe Ray wouldn't even remember anything either when he woke up, and without Brad there, maybe he wouldn't put two and two together. So he hoped anyway.

It didn't take him too long to track down his clothes and shoes, despite the fact that they'd been strewn across the room with Ray's clothes. Maybe a little longer than it would usually have taken him though, considering every movement he made was making his head spin. He didn't attempt to try and make himself presentable though, he simply slipped into his shirt and his trousers, his suit jacket under his arm and his shoes in his hands. His own room was only down the hall anyway, and the only plan he had once he got there was to collapse into his own bed for a couple more hours of sleep.

Thankfully he didn't run into anyone in the maybe twenty seconds it took to shuffle from Ray's room to his own, and he sighed in relief when he finally shut the door behind him. At least now that he was on his own, he wasn't going to have to deal with the prospective of Ray waking up and either freaking out at him over what had happened, or worse - want to have some sort of conversation about it, about their feelings and all that other gay shit that he wanted no part of. Like he'd said, not that he didn't have all sorts of gay feelings for Ray, but he just.. he couldn't talk about it. Legally, of course, considering he was still a part of the Marine Corps, but for himself too. He'd been burned before when the girl he was going to marry had run off with his best friend and had married him instead, and ever since then, he'd been unwilling to open himself up to somebody else like that again. Love meant giving somebody else the power to hurt you, and Brad wasn't ready to do that again.

He yawned as he pulled the curtains shut, stripping back out of the clothes that he'd haphazardly pulled on in his rush to get out of Ray's room - although he left his boxers on this time - before crawling under the covers of his own bed. He was asleep again almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

-x-

When he came to again, it was to a knocking on the door of the hotel room. After taking a moment to rub his eyes with the heels of his hands, he managed to drag himself out of the bed, stumbling over to where he'd dropped his trousers on the way in. After quickly pulling them on, he headed for the door, opening it to see Nate on the other side of it - hands in his jeans pockets and already looking like he'd had a cup of coffee. He didn't look like he was suffering with a hangover either, which Brad was secretly a little bit jealous of.

He smiled when Brad opened the door, although he gave a slightly pitying laugh once he noticed the state that the older man seemed to be in, "Good morning."

"Is it?" Brad asked, leaning against the doorframe as he rubbed his eyes again. Behind his hands, he heard Nate laugh again and he blearily looked across at him. He was pretty sure that Nate had been just as drunk as any of them last night, especially now that he wasn't their Lieutenant anymore and didn't have a certain standard that he had to uphold in front of them, but the younger man didn't look like he was feeling the effects of the previous night.

"Thought you might want to go for breakfast?"

Brad nodded after a moment, folding his arms, "Yeah, I'll see you downstairs in thirty minutes." He was pretty sure he'd be asked to leave if he went down to the hotel restaurant looking the way he did right now, so he figured a shower and a change of clothes was probably the first stop, "Thirty minutes." Nate said with a smile, turning to walk back down the hallway as he did. Brad watched him go, leaning against the doorframe as he did. While he missed having Nate around on base, he had to admit that getting out of the Marines was probably the best thing Nate could have done for himself - he looked healthier, happier now that he wasn't having to deal with their incompetent higher-ups who seemed to be trying their best to get them killed.

After a quick shower, he shoved his clothes from last night back into his bag and changed into a different shirt and a pair of jeans. Once he'd brushed his teeth, he quickly plugged his phone into charge and checked it for emails before deciding it was probably about time he went downstairs to meet Nate.

Once he got to the restaurant, it didn't take him too long to find Nate at one of the tables. He got himself a cup of coffee on the way - mostly because he was pretty sure he wasn't quite able to manage proper food yet - before sliding into the chair opposite the other man who was halfway through a cup of coffee and picking at a pastry, "Well, he lives." Nate teased with a grin as he looked up at Brad, sliding the other half of his pastry over to him.

"Just about." Brad muttered in response, managing a small smile as he tore off part of the croissant. He felt a little better after a shower, but he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be totally alright until tomorrow. Thankfully, his house wasn't too far from the hotel the wedding had been at, so it wasn't like he had to get in his car and drive six hours after that. Or even worse, sit through a flight.

He busied himself with adding a sugar packet to his coffee, although he looked back up at Nate after a moment since he could feel that he was being watched, "So where the fuck did you disappear to last night?" He asked, and Brad raised an eyebrow,

"I won't lie, my memory of last night is a little.. patchy."

"Yeah, no shit." Nate teased with a grin, "Last I saw, you and Ray were trying to get Rudy to do tequila shots."

Actually, Brad remembered that alright..

_It had been pretty late last night when he'd had an arm slung around Ray's neck, a shot in his other hand and Ray with one in each hand as he tried to persuade Rudy to take one of them. Obviously Rudy wouldn't budge, he'd drank a couple of gin and tonic's earlier on in the night but had apparently already reached his personal limit and was drinking soda water since then. Apparently his crazy fitness routine didn't let up even at weddings._

_"_ _Come on, Rudy! One for your pal Ray-Ray!" Ray screeched, holding the shot up to Rudy again. By now, considering the fact that he was about as drunk as Brad by that point, most of the shot had sloshed out over his hand, but there was still a decent amount of the spirit left in the glass. Rudy just laughed, rolling his eyes as he looked down at Ray, "Come on, brother. Why don't we have a glass of water instead?" He asked as Ray stumbled a little, despite the fact that he'd been standing still - well, mostly. He was swaying a little where he stood, it just went unnoticed because of Brad's arm around him._

_"Come on, we never see each other anymore! How would you feel if you said no, and then I died and you had to live the rest of your life knowing that you had said no to my last request?" He asked, trying his best to come across seriously. Brad was pretty sure that the younger man had quit the Ripped Fuel once he had left the Corps, but it seemed he got equally as obnoxious and talkative when he was drunk as he had been when he'd been high off Ripped Fuel and no sleep._

_E_ _ventually Rudy took pity on him, taking the shot that Ray had mostly already spilled and knocking it back, to both Brad and Ray's delight, "Yeah, man. Fruity Rudy!" Ray cheered, turning slightly to Brad to clink their shot glasses together before knocking his own back. To nobodies surprise, half of it ended down his chin. It seemed not a lot had changed in that respect, he was still a messy fucking hick._

_He was glad actually that Ray and Rudy were still on good terms. Back towards the end of their last tour together, things had gotten messy when the men had attempted a football game - which had ended in a fight between Ray and Rudy, and with Ray storming off in tears. It was a relief to see that it had been nothing personal, that they hadn't let it interfere with the good relationship they had. He was pretty sure that it was just that everybody was exhausted and at the end of their rope, plus Ray had obviously been on some sort of come down from the lack of Ripped Fuel. So it was a relief to see them still on good terms._

_Right now though, he had other things to be thinking about, since Ray had plucked his own shot from his hand and was holding it up to his lips, waiting for him to drink it back. He had to crouch a little to do so, considering Ray barely came up to his shoulder, but he managed without spilling too much of the shot. Rudy left them to it after that, and Ray attempted to turn back in Brad's direction, although he ended up stumbling back slightly instead. Brad just about managed to catch him, his hands on the younger man's waist, despite the fact that he was just about managing to keep himself on his own feet, and that he was definitely going to take them both down if he fell too. Ray's face lit up at this though, and he pretended to swoon, "Are you trying to ask me to dance, Big Gay Brad?"_

_"_ _Not if you were the last person at this wedding, you hick fuck."_

_"You really know how to make a guy feel special, don'tcha? I know you love me really." Ray teased with a grin, and Brad chose not to dignify that with a response - most because yeah, he did a little bit._

_"..._ Do _you want to dance?" He asked, his face creasing slightly in a frown. He wouldn't have put it past Ray to actually want to dance, to stumble around the dance floor with him and embarrass him in front of the other Marines. He was just about drunk enough that he probably would do it too._

_"Fuck no, homes. I wanna get drunk."_

_"You are drunk." So was he, but that was beside the point._

_"More drunk than I am now. Hey, I brought a bottle of whisky with me, it's in my bag upstairs. Wanna go get fucked up?"_

_"Ray, it's an open bar, why the fuck did you pack a bottle of whisky?"_

_"To get fucked up, homes!"_

_He was pretty sure he'd never actually understand how Ray's mind worked. There was an open bar, they'd been getting free drinks all night, and yet he'd still brought a bottle of fucking whisky with him. Not that he was complaining, mind you, "Lead the way, then."_

_Ray's face brightened again at that, even though he already had been smiling, and he managed to detach himself from Brad enough to start walking. He did grab Brad by the wrist though to drag him along with him. He went easily, a grin spreading over his face as he stumbled along after Ray._

_It didn't take them too long to reach the elevator and they staggered into it once the doors opened, Brad leaning over to press the button to their floor from where he was leaning against the wall of the elevator. Ray scrubbed his hands over his face, leaning heavily against Brad's side while the elevator rose, "Hey." Brad murmured, gently elbowing the younger man in the side, "Not falling asleep on me, are you?"_

_"Hell no! Conserving my energy for how hard we're about to get fucked up." Ray answered with a grin, straightening up again so that he was more leaning back against the wall like Brad was. He seemed to be going back and forth between falling asleep on his feet and preparing himself to drink even more once they reached his room, so Brad wasn't totally sure how long the younger man was going to last before he ended up passed out._

_The elevator reached their floor after a couple of moments, and Ray reached out to grab him by the wrist again, pulling him down the hallway again towards his room. He'd thought that actually getting to the room would have been the hard part, but he seemed to have underestimated how well Ray would be able to manage his key card once he was blind drunk. He watched the younger man struggling with it for a couple of attempts, before he rolled his eyes and plucked it from his hands, attempting to unlock the door himself, "Jesus, Brad. How are you expecting to do that with your massive Viking hands if I couldn't manage it with my d-" Ray started, although he surprisingly shut up when the lock flashed green and the door opened._

_"What was that?" He asked with a grin as he held the door open for Ray, who just rolled his eyes and walked past him into the room, "Shut the fuck up, Brad."_

_It didn't take too long for Ray to get the bottle of whisky out of his bag, and he held it aloft as Brad sat on the edge of the bed._

_Before he knew it, they were two thirds of the way through the bottle and were sat on the floor together at the end of the bed, leaning back against the bed. He'd shed his suit jacket by now and loosened his tie, and Ray had pulled his off together, although he was still wearing the waistcoat of his suit, his shirt sleeves pushed up to his elbows, "Hey, homes, do you think you're ever going to get married?" He asked, and Brad glanced over at him, "No."_

_"No?"_

_"Marriage is an institution, and I want no part in it."_

_Ray rolled his eyes at that, although his expression did soften slightly as he looked back over in his direction, "I know Laurie fucked you over, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy with somebody else."_

_"I am happy."_

_"You're lonely."_

_"I'm the Iceman, I don't get lonely."_

_"Bullshit." Ray dropped his head back onto the edge of the bed after that, taking another swig from the bottle. Brad watched how his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he had to suppress a small smile at the choked off shudder he gave once the alcohol hit his throat - it was certainly strong, he wasn't going to lie about that. Maybe Ray was onto something though, not that he'd ever admit it but maybe he was a little bit lonely. It was fine when they'd been deployed, and even when he was on base working, it was totally pushed to the back of his mind. But now that he was coming home to his empty house at the end of every day instead of sleeping in his Humvee with four other men, he was starting to notice that maybe it did suck a little bit being on his own all the time._

_So he just shrugged again, taking the bottle from Ray and taking a mouthful of it, "Maybe it's a little bit bullshit." He admitted with a shrug, picking at the slightly worn label on the bottle once he'd finished drinking from it. He wasn't admitting that Ray was right, but he just.. he was drunk, he was going to go with that._

_When he looked back over in Ray's direction, it was to find the younger man already watching him, his eyebrows furrowed slightly together in a concerned frown. It reminded him of the look he'd given him back in Iraq, when he'd been telling Reporter about what had happened between him and Laurie, about how she'd left him and married his best friend instead. He didn't like seeing that look on Ray's face, but there were a lot of expressions he didn't like seeing on Ray's face - he tried not to think of the vacant look he'd worn after Baghdad, or of the hurt yet angry look on his face after the fight with Rudy on the football field. He supposed it said a lot about him that he was most at ease when Ray was wearing a manic grin and was covered in food. It was a reassurance when he acted like an idiot, meant that everything was okay._

_Eventually he shifted a little, swallowing before he chewed at his lower lip, "I'm gonna do something really fucking stupid, and if you're gonna deck me afterwards just.. please be gentle with me, my looks are all I got." He teased with a slightly hesitant looking smile._

_Brad just raised an eyebrow, "Wh-" He started to ask, but before he even managed to get the question out, Ray shut him up by leaning over and gently pressing his lips against Brad's. That was all it was for a couple of moments, just a soft press of lips and Ray's fingers gently pressing against the underside of his jaw._

_For a moment after they pulled apart, Brad could do nothing except just look at Ray, who just looked back at him with wide eyes - as though he couldn't quite believe what he'd just done. He looked away after a moment, scratching a hand through his dark hair - which he'd grown out slightly in his civilian life, and which Brad had to admit actually suited him - before he spoke again, "Remember, be gentle, yeah? I know that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done, and y-" He cut him off by leaning forward, pressing his lips to Ray's again. After a moment where neither of them moved, Ray hesitantly kissed him back, letting his hands drift up to cup Brad's face in his hands while Brad dropped his hand to Ray's knee that was closest to him._

_Despite the fact that he'd spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering what it would be like to kiss Ray, he'd never thought that he'd actually get the chance to. What was more surprising though, was that Ray was actually a good kisser. He'd half expected him to be messy and disgusting - the way he was with everything else - but it seemed that he knew exactly what he was doing as he let his tongue meet Brad's once they had parted their lips._

_He pulled away just enough to breathe after a moment, dropping another ill-aimed kiss to Ray's chin before he spoke again, "The floor is making my ass go numb." He told him, and he couldn't help but smile a little when Ray just rolled his eyes, "Well get up off the floor then, fucknuts."_

_He managed to climb to his feet a moment after Ray had, watching the younger man sprawling back on the bed with his head on the pillow. For a moment he just watched him, until Ray raised a questioning eyebrow at him, "Well, are you coming or what?" He asked. That was all the encouragement he needed really, and he climbed onto the bed and crawled up to Ray - trying his best not to look ridiculous as he did. Once he reached him, Ray wasted no time in dragging him back down into another kiss, letting his arms hang around his neck as he did. He couldn't help but notice too how Ray spread his legs once he settled against him, letting him fit in between the V of his legs._

_He hummed against his lips, toying absentmindedly with one of the buttons on Ray's shirt, "Fuck, get this off." He told him as he flicked open the button he'd been toying with. Between them, it didn't take them too long to rid Ray of his shirt and waistcoat, and Brad moved to pull his own shirt off before stopping when his gaze was drawn to Ray's chest instead, "What the fuck is that?"_

_"You like it?"_

_"It might just be the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life." He deadpanned, referring to the delicate silver bar that was pierced through Ray's left nipple. He'd seen Ray shirtless many times back in Iraq and it definitely hadn't been there back then, so it was obviously recent enough, ever since he'd gone back to civilian life it appeared. Not that Brad would ever admit it to Ray, but there was something about it though that he found inexplicably sexy - maybe just because it was Ray._

_The younger man huffed out a breath of laughter, and he flicked Brad gently on the shoulder, "Fuck off, you think it's hot. Admit it."_

_"Its stupid." He repeated, although that didn't stop him from dropping his head down and laving his tongue over the piercing, letting his teeth gently tug on it for a moment. The action drew a moan from Ray, and he tipped his head back against the pillow again. While he hadn't actually anticipated any of this happening tonight, he still hadn't thought when Ray kissed him that it would go any further than that. Hearing him moan though, plus the fact that he had him shirtless and that they were already tangled together, he wondered just how far this was about to go._

_He trailed his mouth back up, stopping at Ray's collarbone on the way to suck a mark into the delicate skin in the hollow above the bone. After a moment, he felt Ray's hands at his tie, pulling the knot loose before his fingers started on the buttons of his shirt again, "Come on, don't flake out on me now." He told him, hooking one of his ankles around Brad's while he spoke. He didn't argue, just shrugged out of his shirt once Ray had gotten the buttons open, dropping it off the side of the bed. When he looked back down at Ray, the younger man was just watching him, his gaze dropped down to Brad's chest as he let his hands smooth down his sides. He tried not to think too hard about the hungry look on Ray's face, or the heat in his eyes when he looked back up at him, "You're fucking gorgeous, y'know that?" He murmured, winding one of his arms around Brad's back and pulling him down against him. The action startled Brad, and an involuntary groan slipped past his lips when Ray pressed his hips up to meet his._

_If he was being honest, he wasn't sure what his reaction would have been if someone had come to him this morning and had told him that by tonight, he'd be drunk off his ass in Ray's bed, grinding against him between kisses. He'd probably have laughed, because he really hadn't seen this coming._

_He dipped his head to kiss Ray again, rolling his hips down against his as he licked into his mouth. Ray turned his head slightly after a moment, and so he just dragged his teeth over the sharp curve of his jaw instead. Not that he'd admit it, but he had spent probably more time than was acceptable thinking about what it would be like to get his mouth on Ray. He'd never let it interfere with his judgement back when they'd been deployed together, but in their down time - which just so happened to be a lot of the time - he may have let his mind wander, "Brad.." Ray murmured as he grazed his teeth over the tendon in the younger man's neck, "I really, really don't want to come in my pants, and that's what's gonna happen if this doesn't go one direction or another really fucking quickly." He told him._

_He got it, he got that that was an out if he wanted it. Like he'd said though, he'd spent too much time thinking about this to not go through with it now that he had the opportunity, "Take 'em off then." He murmured, ignoring the curling feeling in his stomach at the quiet groan his words drew from Ray._

_They didn't waste any time after that, Brad pulled back slightly to give them a little room as they both fumbled to undo zippers and pull fabric out of the way. He wasn't exactly sure what he expected, but he hadn't anticipated the fact that Ray wouldn't be wearing underwear under his suit trousers, "You're gonna be the death of me." He murmured as he shoved his own pants and boxers down around his thighs, ignoring the self-satisfied little giggle that Ray gave. He wasted no time in wrapping a hand around both of their cocks once they had kicked out of their trousers, and the grin slipped off Ray's face as he pressed his fingers into the bare skin of Brad's shoulder._

_"Shit, Brad.." He sighed, pressing his head back into the pillow as Brad let go for a moment just to spit into his hand before getting back to it. He'd always sort of assumed that Ray would be just as much of a motor mouth in bed as he was in general, and it seemed he was proven right when he tightened his grip slightly on their cocks and Ray started babbling, "Fuck, homes. The thought of your monster Hebrew cock got me through far too many combat jacks back in Iraq but the thought of it doesn't even come close to the real thing, and I'm far too drunk now but if this happens again then I'm really gonna need you to fuck me with it, and t-" He started, before Brad slapped his free hand over his mouth, "Ray, shut up." He told him, huffing out a quiet groan at the way Ray whined from behind his hand._

_He moved it after a moment, leaning his weight on his elbow that he rested at the side of Ray's shoulder as he continued to jerk them off. It felt as though Ray had about eight hands and they were all touching him at once - digging his nails into his shoulder, pressing into the small of his back, cupping his face, running through his hair. After a moment though, he pushed against his chest, "Brad, Brad.. stop." He told him, and Brad immediately backed off, "What, too much?" He asked, and Ray shook his head,_

_"Not fucking enough, I just.. I wanna try something."_

_"Uh, sure."_

_He let Ray push him back until he was lying back against the mattress and Ray was straddling his hips. He leaned down after a moment to press their lips together, and Brad ran his fingers through his hair as he kissed him back. He was a little surprised actually at how much he was actually into kissing Ray, at how much he was into doing any of this with him - considering the fact that he'd seen him after weeks without a shower, covered in all manner of food or spit from his dip. He was disgusting really, and Brad had a hell of a soft spot for him._

_After a moment he pulled back from the kiss, and it didn't take Brad long to realise what he wanted to try as he made his way down his body until he was level with his cock - and fuck, it wasn't only Ray who'd let his imagination get away with him when he'd been in the middle of a combat jack. Ray looked up at him with a grin before he closed his mouth around his cock, and he closed his eyes as he pressed his head back into the pillow again._

_The only thing he could think of - other than how fucking good it felt - was that there was no way this was the first time Ray had done this._

_He wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to feel at that realisation. Mostly it was possessiveness - he knew he teased Ray about it, but he wasn't sure how to actually feel about the fact that he'd obviously been with other men. Not that he had a problem with it, it would've been very fucking hypocritical of him to think like that - considering his cock was currently in Ray's mouth - but he just.. maybe it was jealously._

_He settled for running his fingers through Ray's hair while he bobbed his head, twisting his other hand into the sheets underneath him. He was trying his best not to move his hips much, because despite the fact that Ray obviously had experience here, he really didn't want to end up choking him._

_He certainly hadn't been prepared for Ray to be so goddamn good at this though. When he'd made it obvious that he wanted to blow Brad, he'd been expecting a messy, half-assed blowjob that left him unsatisfied, and he was surprised at the fact that Ray was doing a hell of a job and that he managed to make it sexy too while he was at it. He had a hand wrapped around what he couldn't fit into his mouth and he kept his eyes locked on Brad's, a coy look on his face while he dragged his tongue up the length of his cock before swallowing him down again._

_Far too quickly, he could feel the heat curling in his abdomen, and he gasped as Ray twisted his wrist just right, "Fuck.. Ray, I'm-"_

_"Come on, do it." The younger man told him, just jerking his cock for a moment while he spoke before closing his mouth around him again. It was mostly the realisation that Ray was telling him to come in his mouth rather than finding somewhere else to do it that pushed him over the edge, and he was pretty sure that he saw stars as he came, twisting his hands in the sheets again. He vaguely registered Ray wiping the back of his hand across his mouth before he pressed a soft kiss to his hipbone, "Come here." He murmured once he had mostly come back to himself, coaxing him back up to him._

_Once he reached him, he guided him as well as he could in his haze before Ray understood what he was trying to get him to do. After a moment of manoeuvring, he had the younger man straddling his thigh and he pressed his hands to his sides - a silent encouragement to grind down against him. He felt a little bad that he wasn't reciprocating quite as generously as Ray had been to him, but he didn't exactly have the brain function for anything elaborate right now. Plus, he'd never actually given a blowjob before, he'd never been with a man before in any sense of the word, so the thought of being on the giving end of a blowjob somewhat ignited his fight-or-flight response, despite the fact that it was only Ray._

_Thankfully, Ray didn't need a lot of encouragement, he just whined high in his throat as he began to grind down against Brad's thigh, right into the junction of where his hip met his thigh, "Come on, want to see you come for me." He growled, sliding a hand up into Ray's hair to hold him there. He'd never really given it much thought before, but he was somewhat glad actually at the fact that Ray had grown his hair out slightly ever since he'd left the Marine Corps - meant he had something to hold onto in this case. Ray tipped his head back in a gasp, which gave him the opportunity to lean up slightly and press his mouth to his exposed neck, grazing his teeth over the tendon that was pulled taught._

_He dragged his nails down Ray's back as the younger man continued to move against him, a moan slipping past his lips when Ray shuddered and tensed with a moan of his own, before it was suddenly slick between them with Ray's come. He let his hands drift over his shoulders while Ray came down from his high, offering a small smile back once he'd somewhat come back to his senses - not that Ray had ever had any senses in the first place, but in the general sense of the word._

_He tipped him gently to the side, reaching over to grab the first piece of clothing he could get to - which just so happened to be the undershirt he was wearing under his shirt - and cleaning them up a little, just thoroughly enough that it wouldn't be too uncomfortable when they woke up. Once he discarded it back over the edge of the bed, he laid back down, before turning to Ray when he felt him brushing his nose gently against his shoulder, "Hey."_

_"Hey." Ray mumbled back with a lazy smile, his brown eyes tired. Fuck, he was cute. "Stay the night, you'll only get lost trying to find your way back to your own room."_

_He would admit that Ray had him there actually. His own room was only down the hall, but he was drunk and post-orgasm stupid enough that he'd probably go to the wrong room and end up sleeping on the floor in the hall because he couldn't get the card to open the door. So he just nodded, pulling at the sheets until he managed to get them up around the two of them, letting Ray settle against his shoulder once he'd gotten comfortable, "Goodnight, you inbred hick fuck."_

_"Yeah, 'night.. you big retarded Viking motherfucker."_

_Brad couldn't help but smile at that, letting sleep wash over him as Ray nestled slightly against his shoulder in an attempt to get comfortable._

He looked back to Nate when he said his name again, the other man obviously waiting for an answer to the question he'd just asked, "Uh.. say that again?" He asked, rubbing his face.

"I asked where the fuck you disappeared to after that?"

"Ray snuck a bottle of whisky in with him. We went up to his room to drink it, and I then staggered back to my own room and fell asleep." He explained with a shrug, focusing his attention more on his cup of coffee than on the man sitting opposite him. Well, it wasn't totally a lie - he was just omitting the fact that between the drinking of the whisky and the staggering back to his room, that he and Ray had hooked up.

Nate just huffed out a soft breath of laughter, a fond look on his face as he looked over at him. He was glad actually that he and Nate had stayed in touch, that he'd kept in touch with a lot of the men who had left the Corps since they'd been stationed in Iraq. There were a few that he'd reluctantly interacted with simply because they were in the same company - prime examples being the likes of Encino Man and Casey Kasem - but he'd grown to genuinely love a few of them like brothers. Mostly it was the men who'd been in his Humvee - Ray and Walt and Trombley, and he'd even kept in touch with Rolling Stone once they had gotten back home - but there'd been a few others in his platoon that he'd been especially close with, like Poke and Nate and Rudy. They were good people.

"He looks pretty alright then, for somebody who drank half a bottle of whisky on top of everything else last night."

"You saw him this morning?"

"Yeah, he's over there with Doc." Nate said, nodding over in the direction behind Brad. He was right actually, Ray was sitting a couple of tables away with Doc Bryan, chatting animatedly to the other man. He looked tired, but like Nate had said, he didn't look like someone who had drank half his body weight the night before - or someone who was having a crisis over having slept with their former team leader the night before, Brad had to say.

They both glanced at Nate's phone on the table when it rang, Brad wincing a little more harshly than he'd ever admit at the sudden noise, before Nate sighed as he looked at the caller I.D, "Sorry, Brad, I gotta take this. I'll be back in a minute." He told him as he stood up, and Brad just watched him go before turning his attention back to Ray.

He watched him for a moment, smiling somewhat fondly at the way he spoke with his whole body - obviously telling some stupid story, if the amused yet exasperated look on Doc's face was anything to go by. After a moment though, he let his gaze drift around the restaurant to the other Marines that had already surfaced. Poke and his wife were sitting with Garza and his partner, discussing - what Brad assumed - how difficult it was to live as a Mexican in the white man's world, or whatever ethnicity Poke was claiming to be on that day. Walt and his new wife were sitting with her parents, Walt's arm slung loosely around Alison's shoulders. It was sort of sweet actually, how smitten he still seemed to be with her. They had been together as long as Brad had known Walt, and he still seemed to be just as crazy about her as he had been back then. Rudy was sitting a couple of tables over with Pappy and his wife, presumably trying to get them to try some of the fruit salad he was having for breakfast.

When he glanced back in Ray's direction, it was to find that the younger man had obviously noticed him by now and was watching him with an odd look on his face. He didn't like that at all, the fact that he couldn't immediately tell what Ray was thinking. Back when they'd been in Iraq, when they had spent nearly every waking moment together, Ray had been like an open book to him. He'd barely had to share a look with him to know exactly what he was thinking, and vice versa - it was why they had made such a good team as the driver and team leader of second platoon's point victor. He quickly averted his gaze, looking back down at his half empty coffee cup, mostly in disdain since it had started forming a skin.

A moment later though, the seat across from him was occupied, and he looked up to see Ray rather than Nate sitting in it, that same strange look still on his face. It quickly turned to a smile though, and he reached over to swipe Brad's coffee before drinking a mouthful of it - skin and all, "Good morning, Big Gay Brad."

It would have been so easy to play along, to joke about the fact that less than eight hours ago he and Ray had been rolling around in the sheets together, but he just.. he couldn't. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed it - because he definitely had, and under any other circumstances he certainly wouldn't have minded a repeat performance. But right now, they were in a room full of Marines, some of whom he was still serving with. He was their team leader, and he knew that they joked and teased each other all the time, but DADT was still a pretty serious issue. So he just shook his head, sighing a little, "Don't."

"So we're not going to talk about it then?"

When he looked back up, Ray's smile was gone, replaced by a more closed off looking expression. He didn't like that look either, especially knowing that he was the one who had put it there. Still, what else could he do? "No, we're not going to talk about it. We're going to move past it, and that's that." He said with a shrug. He felt a twinge of guilt at his bluntness, but he quickly shut that down as well as he could. He was the Iceman, after all. That being said, he'd never admit how much it stung that he had to shut this down at all. Really, he wanted nothing more than to drag Ray back up to his room for round two, but he just.. he couldn't.

Ray just nodded, folding his arms, "Right.. so I guess that like, this is probably a bad time to mention that I'm moving to California?"

"You.. what?" He asked, looking back up at him with a frown. That was.. not what he'd expected. He'd paid for a room at the barracks in California while he was still serving, but as soon as he was out of the Corps, he had moved back to bumfuck Missouri, and that was where he had been since. So yeah, to hear that he was moving back to California was really the last thing that Brad had expected, "Why?"

"I'm thinking of reenlisting. Nothing is really set in stone yet, and I don't even know for sure if I am gonna reenlist, but I just.. I'm fucking bored as shit, homes, you know? I'm working the front desk at a twenty-four hour gym in Kansas City and I spend eight hours a day sitting at a counter, bored out of my fucking mind. So I figured I'd move, and then when I decided to come to Oceanside for the change of scenery, I decided maybe I might as well reenlist because I'm so close to Pendleton anyway, and - sorry to break it to you - but we're basically gonna be neighbours once I move. Like I said though, I'm definitely moving but I haven't decided yet on whether I'm gonna reenlist or not, I'm gonna go up and talk to someone about it. For now though, I know a guy up here and he hooked me up with a job painting houses for the time being." He rambled on, before sliding Brad's cold cup of coffee back towards him, "Here, take this back, homes. It's cold as shit. Maybe don't drink it though, it's all filmy and gross, and y-"

"Ray- Ray, shut up." He told him, just because he needed a second to process everything that Ray had just told him. He tended to do that, rapidly talk at Brad rather than to him, regardless of whether he was listening or not. It was a lot to take in though, the fact that Ray was moving up to Oceanside and that they'd apparently be pretty much neighbours, that he might have him back in his platoon. It was a nice thought really, even though he knew Ray would probably have to go through boot camp and do a good chunk of his retraining before he was ready to be deployed again.

He knew he had two options here - that he could shut the idea down because of what had happened last night, or he could just move past it and react the way he would have if last night hadn't happened. He knew exactly which one sounded the more appealing of the two though, because when it came down to it? Ray was an idiotic, Whisky Tango, trailer trawling asshole, but he was still his best friend - and Brad really didn't want to lose him because he couldn't get over his own hang up's. So he just shrugged, tapping his fingers on the edge of the mug even though he had no intentions whatsoever of drinking the rest of his coffee, "You should come over for a beer, once you get settled in the new place."

He couldn't but smile back at the way Ray's face lit up at his response, and yeah.. he was pretty sure he'd made the right choice.

-x-

Things settled down after the wedding, they hung around for a couple of hours after breakfast - just long enough until he was pretty sure he was able to drive without being pulled over for intoxication - before he said his goodbyes to everybody. It wasn't a huge deal for some of them, he would still see Walt and Trombley when they went back to the barracks on Monday. He did have a feeling though that neither of them were planning on hanging around for too much longer though, considering Walt was a married man now and Trombley's kid would be turning four soon - it had to have been some sort of strain on them to have to stay in California on base while they both had families now. Either way though, he would be seeing them soon.

It was more saying goodbye to the others that was the hard part - Nate would be catching his flight back to Baltimore later on that day, and Ray was heading back to Missouri. Poke was only driving back up to LA so it wasn't too bad, but he wasn't sure when he'd next see a lot of the men. Now that he knew Ray was moving up to California though, it made it a little easier to say goodbye to him. That didn't mean that he didn't pull him into a hug before he left though, and he tried his best to hold back his smile when Ray pressed his cheek against his shoulder, "Enjoy this last little bit of freedom, homes. You're never getting rid of me once I move up."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from a cretinous, Whisky Tango, mutated prolapse such as yourself."

"Brad, honey, you say the sweetest things." He teased with that shit-eating grin that Brad had grown to both hate and love. After a moment though, he shrugged, his smile turning into something a little nicer, "Drive safe."

"Yeah.. you too."

That had been it really. He'd left them after that and had gotten in his car and driven home.

That had been a little over two weeks ago, and it had been radio silence since then. He didn't mind exactly, he knew Ray would be up sooner or later, and if he was being honest? He was enjoying the little bit of solitude. Obviously he was still working, he'd been promoted to Gunnery Sergeant after he'd gotten back from his exchange with the Royal Marines, so he was busier than ever when he was on base. It was good though, it kept him occupied, especially after what Ray had said at the wedding about him being lonely. He wasn't lonely - whatever he may or may not have admitted to at the wedding, he was hanging onto the fact that he'd been drunk when he'd said it - he was more than happy to have his solitude. When he wasn't working, his time was his own to do what he wanted with it. He wasn't tied to anyone, he didn't have to compromise or change any part of himself or his routine, and that was what he wanted.

Besides, he wasn't a good person to be with, he'd accepted that about himself. He didn't like change, he got moody, he liked his space. Ray teased him about being emotionally stunted, and he had to admit that maybe he was a little bit right about that. Still, it was whatever.

He'd gotten home late from the base that night, and he was pretty exhausted. There had been an incident during weapons training with the new recruits that afternoon. One of them had had a negligent discharge on their weapon and one of the other recruits had been injured. Nothing major, but someone could have so easily been killed. So obviously that meant a shit ton of paperwork for him to fill out about what had happened. He didn't need to get his report in until the end of the week, but he figured he was probably just better off getting most of it done and out of the way rather than leaving it until last minute. So he'd stayed back a little later than he usually would have, but he'd gotten most of it done, so he couldn't say he minded.

He figured that he'd maybe just work on his bike for the evening, sit out on the back porch with a beer while he did it. It was a nice evening out, and he'd been meaning to get at his bike for a while now and just give it a little tune up. There was nothing actually wrong with it, but it had just been a while since he'd given it a little TLC. He'd taken a steak out of the freezer to defrost while he worked on the bike, and he'd already decided that he was going to do nothing for the rest of the evening except sit in and watch a movie while he ate his dinner. So that was where he was, sitting out on the back porch with his tools on the ground at his side, barefoot and wearing his old work jeans. The radio was playing in the kitchen, and he hummed along to it as he worked.

He glanced down at his phone when it buzzed, raising an eyebrow when he read the message from Ray,

_"ETA five minutes, bitch :)"_

He really knew that he shouldn't have been surprised at all. Ray hadn't told him when he was moving, only that it was going to be soon, but he'd sort of expected at least a little warning in regards to when he was moving. Considering the fact that it had been radio silence from the younger man ever since the wedding, he assumed that he was still in Missouri. Still, it was Ray though, so he supposed he shouldn't have been all that surprised at the fact that five minutes was all the warning he'd gotten.

He yawned as he dragged himself to his feet, sliding them into a pair of flip-flops that had been out on the porch before going back inside. His first stop was to take an extra steak out of the freezer, leaving it next to the one he had taken out earlier. He had no idea if Ray was planning on staying for dinner, but knowing the younger man, he wasn't expecting to get rid of him any time soon. He did sort of wonder how things were going to be between them though, considering the last time they'd seen each other, they had slept together and then Brad had shut him down straight away the next morning. So he just.. he wondered how it was going to be between them. He just hoped for no awkwardness, because he couldn't deal with having that from Ray.

He had only shut the freezer door again before there was a knock on the door, and he went to open it to reveal Ray out on the front porch, wearing those ridiculous Elvis glasses that he'd had in Iraq, "Jesus Christ, Ray, they let you out in public in those things?" He asked as he stepped aside to let him into the house.

"I could say the same thing about you, homes. You live half your life in combat boots, surely you should know by now that flip-flops aren't substantial footwear." Ray retorted, and Brad had to smile at the way he was eyeing his choice of footwear with something close to disgust. Pretty rich coming from Ray though, considering he was wearing a pair of battered Converse trainers on his own feet, which - judging by the look of them - seemed like they were about ten years old.

"At least I don't look like a nineties grunge garage band reject."

Well yeah, aside from the Converse, Ray was wearing a pair of jeans that were cut off at his knees, as well as a black hoodie that looked a lot like the one he'd commandeered and worn at all times back in Kuwait. He still never understood that actually, Kuwait had been even warmer than it was here, and yet Ray had worn that ratty hoodie whenever they weren't in their fatigues or MOPP suits. They'd had that conversation before, and Ray had just shrugged and said he ran cold.

"You think I'm pretty, don't even lie." He teased with a grin, and Brad just smiled and rolled his eyes as he shut the door behind Ray.

He followed Ray into the kitchen, smiling as he watched him hopping up onto one of the counters, "Shit, homes, it's been way too long since I've been here." He remarked, looking around the kitchen for any changes since the last time he'd been here. There weren't many, if he was being honest. He'd painted the walls when he'd gotten back from his rotation with the Royal Marines, but that was really about it. He wasn't even totally sure why he'd done that actually, he'd just found that after two years away, he got home to find he was bored of the blue-grey, and so had painted them a rusty brown-orange instead. But yeah, it did suck a little that it had been that long since Ray had been over.

"So how are you settled into the new place?" He asked as he pulled two beers out of the fridge, cracking the caps on them both before handing one over to Ray.

"Good, it's a nice change anyway. Plus the rent on this one is somehow far cheaper than the shithole I was paying for in Kansas City. I have a pool now, which is fucking awesome, dude."

"Are you close to here?"

"Ten minute walk. So I hope you enjoyed your personal space since the wedding, 'cause it's long gone now, homes!"

If Brad was being honest though, he couldn't exactly say that he minded. He'd spent so long with Ray right there when they had been in Iraq, and he found that he actually missed that. It was always a pretty big culture shock coming home to his empty house after a tour. The likes of Poke had had his family to come home to, but Brad had always found it somewhat of a struggle. So he was actually looking forward to the prospect of having Ray so close, especially because he'd been through it all too. Before he'd rotated with the Royal Marines, just after he'd come home from the first tour of Iraq, one of his friends had set him up on a date. The girl had been nice, but it was a little insufferable having to sit through two hours of her asking about Iraq and what it had been like and if he had killed many people. With Ray, there was none of that - they just shot the shit, talked about things that had nothing to do with war or Iraq or any of that.

He cut himself off from that thought process though once he realised that he'd basically been comparing Ray to a girl he'd gone out on a date with, and he certainly wasn't about to let his mind go down that road. "Have you gone over to Pendleton yet?" He asked, picking at the label on his own bottle.

"Nah, I haven't even decided yet if I'm going to. I mean.. I left for a reason, right? I never wanted to be a career Marine, but it's just.. I don't know what else I'm gonna do with my life otherwise. So I'd rather reenlist than work at the gym for the rest of my life, or paint houses."

"It's a big decision."

"Fuck, homes, I know that. So I figured I'd think on it for a while until I decided for sure."

"Yeah.. it'd be good to have you back around on base though."

"Aw, Bradley. I knew you missed me."

"I do."

Ray looked back up at him at that, a hint of surprise on his face for a moment before he smiled. Well yeah, it was the truth, he did miss him. He supposed that it was rare that he was so honest with shit like that, but he wasn't about to lie and say that he hadn't missed him. So he just smiled back, both of them holding each others' gaze for a moment before they both looked away, "C'mon." Ray said after a moment, "Put me to work, what d'you want me to do for dinner?" He asked as he hopped off the counter.

Figuring it was probably better to do just that, he directed the younger man to his fridge to hunt for some peppers, onions, and mushrooms, and set him to chopping those while he put some potatoes in to bake and set on preparing the steaks. He was glad that it didn't have to be weird between them, that Ray seemed to have gotten over the awkwardness of the morning after at the wedding. That was what he'd been most concerned about, that Ray wouldn't want to see him much once he moved up because of how he'd acted.

It was pretty shit though, because he'd wanted nothing more than to - not exactly have a conversation about it that morning - but to just initiate something again. They both knew that he couldn't though, his career would be over if word got out, and he knew that Ray knew that too, so he was glad that he wasn't pushing it. He just needed to not lose Ray over it, and it seemed that he hadn't, so that was enough.

It didn't take them too much longer to get the dinner together, although Ray insisted on actually cooking the steaks because he'd apparently invested a good chunk of his time since getting home from Iraq learning how to properly cook rather than just knowing the bare basics. Brad had to admit that he was pretty guilty of that actually, he couldn't cook much else other than meat and two veg. It seemed Ray knew what he was doing though, so he just let him take over. They took their dinner out to the back porch once they had finished cooking, Brad grabbing another beer each for them on the way out, before they each sat in one of the chairs he had out there.

"Oh, dude, you still have your bike." Ray said with a grin, nodding over at the bike which had been left where Brad was working on it earlier when Ray had texted him, the box of tools still at it's side.

"Yes, Ray, I would sell you before I sold my bike." He retorted, trying his best to hold back his smile when Ray just scoffed in response. He did have to shake off the mental image of Ray on his bike though - mainly because the last thing he'd seen the younger man straddling had been his thigh, while he'd gotten himself off by grinding down against him. So yeah, it was probably best he didn't let his mind go down that route.

They ate in mostly comfortable silence, just catching up on how they had been and what they had been doing for the last two weeks since they had seen each other. Brad told Ray about the new recruits on his team, how he was pretty sure at least one or two of them were going to flunk out during boot camp. It was tough though, he didn't blame anyone who did call it quits. Other than that, he didn't have a whole lot to report on. In return, Ray told Brad about the move, about the new place he'd gotten, about how fucking happy he was when he'd handed in his resignation notice to the gym.

Brad brought their plates in when they had both finished, although he decided to wash them later and simply left them in the sink before going back out to the back porch. Ray was apparently lost in thought as he looked down the end of the garden, seemingly watching a squirrel that was skittering around the leaves on the ground that were down the end of the garden. He looked happy - not quite smiling, but his dimples were pressing softly into his cheeks. He looked tired too though, Brad couldn't help but notice, he looked older than his twenty-six years, and he wondered if maybe reenlisting was the best choice for him.

"You need to stop looking at me like that, homes." He murmured without turning to Brad, who just raised an eyebrow in response,

"Like what?"

"Like that.." He told him, finally turning his attention to him, "'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna end up kissing you, and we both know that's not a good idea."

Brad swallowed, and shit.. he hadn't realised that he was being quite so obvious with how he was looking at him. He couldn't help it. He wanted, and he just.. he knew that they really couldn't cross that line again. Still, it was just the two of them here. None of the other men were around, nobody else to see what would or wouldn't happen here. And he wanted, desperately.

So he leaned forward out of his own chair - he didn't have to go far, considering they had been sitting close enough for their knees to knock together - before pressing his fingers gently to Ray's jawline, just to test the waters. When the younger man didn't offer any resistance, or any other sign that he wanted him to stop, he closed the rest of the distance between them to press their lips together. Ray kissed him back immediately, his own hands coming up to twist in the material of Brad's t-shirt.

He couldn't help the moan that slipped out as he parted his lips, meeting Ray's tongue with his own as he slid his hand around to properly cup the side of the younger man's neck. He let his other hand rest on Ray's hip as he leaned back to sit back properly in his own seat rather than hovering over Ray, pulling him with him as he went. Thankfully Ray didn't offer any resistance, just let Brad pull him back until he was sat in the chair with him, a knee either side of Brad's hips.

He wrapped an arm around Ray's back, closing his eyes on a moan again as Ray tugged on his lower lip with his teeth for a moment, before he pulled back from the kiss. He opened his eyes to find Ray just looking down at him, a fond smile on his face, "I should go."

"Ray.."

"No, I should. It's for the best."

He couldn't exactly argue with that. He'd love nothing more than for Ray to stay, for them to relocate to his bedroom and spend the evening exploring each others' bodies - without the influence of alcohol this time - but he knew that Ray was right. A kiss was a kiss, but this really couldn't become anything, and he knew that they both knew that.

So he nodded, letting his arms drop from around Ray's waist as the younger man climbed off his lap. He glanced back out at the garden, before looking back up at Ray when he gently kicked at his ankle, "I meant what I said though, you're not getting rid of me."

He couldn't help the smile his words elicited, relief rising in him at the fact that everything was still okay.

"Yeah, I thought so, asshole. Come on, I'll walk you out."

-x-

The next time he really gave it any thought, he was at work.

Ever since that day at his house when he and Ray had kissed, things had actually been pretty normal. Just as Ray had promised, he'd dropped around every second day or so, and honestly? Everything was fine. Half of the time he didn't even call around for a reason, they would just sit on the couch and watch TV together, or he'd sit out on the back porch and read while Brad worked on his bike. It was easy, and Brad wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not.

Obviously he was glad that things hadn't changed, but he just.. he was maybe a little despondent too that nothing had changed. He knew he couldn't have it both ways - that he'd either have to just suck it up and accept that nothing more could happen between them and just move on from Ray, or he could put his career at risk. Maybe it made him a coward, but he knew he couldn't risk it all, being a Marine was all he knew. So yeah, that only left him with the option of moving on. It wasn't easy though, he was pretty sure that Ray felt the same way about him - that he wanted him just as badly as he wanted Ray. So he was just glad that he wasn't pushing it.

As he said though, he was in work. He'd already resigned himself to the fact that he would be late home, purely because he was struggling with the report he was trying to write. It should have been simple enough, a new inventory report on the radios they'd gotten in - their specs and whatnot. It was just that radios were not his speciality. It sucked, because he knew Ray would have this report done and dusted in half the time it was taking him to write it, but Ray wasn't a Marine anymore, so here he was.

He glanced up when he heard a knock on the door, smiling as Walt stuck his head in, "Walt, hey."

"Hey, Sarge." He said with a small smile. Technically he was a Gunny now, but the nickname had never stuck with him.

"What can I do for you?" He asked as he shut his laptop, pushing it away from him. He knew he should probably just keep going with his report, but Walt showing up was a welcome distraction. His brain could do with the break.

"I just.. I had some questions." He murmured, shutting the door behind him and sitting in the chair on the other side of Brad's desk when he indicated for him to come in, "I uh, I was thinking of going career. For real. So I just wanted a little advice."

Brad was pretty surprised at that actually. Sure, Walt had been a Marine for close to five years now, but he'd never properly committed to going career like he had, he just kept reupping. He was always surprised whenever Walt reupped, and the younger man insisted that this was probably going to be his last time, until he did it all again the next time. Now that he was married though, Brad had been convinced that this really would be his last time, especially considering Alison and his family all still lived in Virginia. So he was very surprised at the fact that Walt was thinking of sticking around permanently.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" He asked, looking over at him, "You've got a family now, going career will put a strain on that."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I already know the deal with benefits and opportunities and all that, I just.. I wanted your opinion more than anything else. I trust you, Brad, so I just wanted to know if you thought it was a bad idea."

"Well, personally, I've never regretted it. It's a good career, it's rewarding, and it's what I'm good at. But I live a twenty minute drive from the base and I'm not married. If it's what you want to do, then Ill back you on it the whole way, but I think you could regret it." He told him honestly. Well yeah, he wouldn't bullshit Walt on this, he didn't want him to end up making a decision that he'd regret. Walt just nodded, his face twisted slightly in thought as he looked down at the desk, "Hey, did something bring this on?" He asked.

"Allie's pregnant."

"That's great, Walt, congratulations."

"Thanks, Sarge. So it's just.. the stability of the job, I guess."

Brad got it, he supposed. There were good benefits, and the pay was pretty good - especially considering the fact that Walt had a couple of tours under his belt. But Brad had seen this exact thing happen when he was on rotation with the Brits - one of the men had reupped for the extra cash because he and his wife were saving for a house since they were welcoming their second child, then he had been killed when they were deployed. It was a horrible situation, and Brad certainly didn't want that to happen to Walt.

"Have you ever thought of becoming a Reservist?" He asked, looking over at him. It made more sense really, if he was looking for a stable career without as much of a risk of being killed while on deployment. He knew that they had all looked down on the Reservists when they'd been deployed - especially with the attitudes some of the guys had had - but maybe it was something worth looking into for Walt. He looked hesitant though, and he shrugged before running his hands through his hair, "Yeah.. maybe."

"I know you probably want to stay with Bravo Two, but it could be worth looking into."

"We won't recognise Bravo Two before we know it." Walt said with a small smile. He wasn't wrong though, Ray and Poke were out already, Walt apparently wasn't sure what he was doing, and he was pretty sure Trombley was on the fence nowadays too. That was just from Two One too. Obviously they wouldn't be left short, but it seemed that all the familiar faces were disappearing. "Soon it'll be just me let loose with an M-16, trying to drive the damn Humvee at the same time." He teased with a small smile, drawing a laugh from Walt. He wouldn't be surprised actually.

"How is Ray doing, actually?" Walt eventually asked at the mention of driving the Humvee, folding his arms, "I knew he'd moved up but I saw him the other day and he mentioned you two lived pretty close. We didn't get a chance to talk properly though, I was in a rush."

He swallowed when Walt mentioned Ray, although he didn't exactly seem like he was trying to get at anything by mentioning him. He knew Walt and Ray were close, but he was pretty sure Ray knew that mentioning anything about anything could get him into deep trouble - even if he was almost one hundred percent sure that he could trust Walt not to open his mouth. "He's good, he's thinking of reenlisting but he hasn't made up his mind yet. He is, however, around at my house about eighty percent of the time." He said with a grin. He chose not to mention that he went over to Ray's house almost just as much.

Walt smiled, rolling his eyes fondly. Brad was glad that Ray and Walt had had each other back when they had been deployed - obviously he was there for his men in any way that he could be, but he knew a lot of them saw him as a team leader first rather than a friend. Not Ray obviously, he'd never bought his particular brand of bullshit, but he knew Walt was a little more comfortable talking to Ray about certain things. So it was nice that they still had each others' six.

"He seems happier, y'know, ever since he moved up here. I think he was starting to stagnate back in Missouri."

"Well for what it's worth, I'm glad he moved here." "He never shuts up about you either, whenever I get the chance to talk to him." He teased with a smile. Brad bit back a smile at that, glancing back down at his laptop. He was glad to hear actually, that Ray seemed to be doing better ever since moving up. He hadn't seen him a whole lot ever since they'd gotten back, considering Ray had gone back to Missouri and he had been in England for two years, but he'd kept in touch with him as much as he could. Even so though, he had sort of assumed that Ray was getting on okay. So he supposed that it was nice to see that the move had done him some good, even if Walt's comment did spark his nerves a little.

He just smiled, tapping the desk for a moment, "I need to get back to work, but don't hesitate to come to me if you have any more questions, okay?" He told Walt, who nodded and smiled back before standing up.

"Yeah.. thanks, Brad."

-x-

He was on his way home from work the following week, when he decided that he really wasn't bothered cooking that evening. It had been a long day and he was just.. not in the mood. So on the way home, he stopped by the food court that was next to the Walmart nearest his house to grab himself a pizza. Shitty fast-food could be an affront to his warrior spirit at the best of times, but he could make an exception to the rule now and again, because right now? All he wanted was to go home and collapse on the couch in front of his TV without having to cook.

Nothing had even happened today that had turned his mood so sour, he was just tired and not in a good mood. He had a bit of a crick in his neck too that was pissing him off.

So he went into the food court and headed for the first counter that did pizza, fishing some cash out of his pocket while he queued. It was only as he was second in line that he noticed that not only did the counter sell pizza, but they also sold Dunkin' Donuts. Usually he wouldn't have bothered, he wasn't a huge donut fan himself, but he did remember Ray mentioning to him before that he could eat his body weight in donuts. So usually, he wouldn't have bothered with buying a donut, but just.. maybe hanging out with Ray for a while would actually cheer him up. He wasn't going to start thinking about that though, he was going to file that right in the back of his mind and not think about it.

Still though, that didn't stop him from buying a box of six donuts - while trying to rack his brain as well as he could to remember what sort of donuts Ray actually liked. He deliberately didn't buy any peanut butter ones though, he was pretty sure shitty MREs had ruined peanut butter for him forever.

On that note, since his plans for the evening had now changed, he ate his pizza in the car before he'd left the Wallmart parking lot. He would have brought some pizza back for Ray too, but he was pretty sure that the younger man would have already eaten since it was pretty late. Besides, he was fairly confident that Ray didn't like mushrooms on his pizza anyway, so he doubted he would have appreciated it. Once he'd finished the pizza, he dumped the box in the back seat, leaving the box of donuts on the passenger seat before turning over the engine.

Ray's house was in pretty much the same direction as his, it was just instead of taking the first turn down onto his street, he needed to continue on for another three blocks before taking a turn at the roundabout onto Ray's street. It was nice actually, they were close enough that it wasn't a big deal having to walk the distance to each others' houses, but they weren't right on top of each other either. He loved Ray, but he was pretty sure he'd have ended up killing him by now if they lived, say, next door to each other. At least they both still had their own space this way.

He knocked on Ray's door once he'd gotten there, balancing the box of donuts in his other arm, "It's open." He heard Ray calling from inside the house, and he rolled his eyes before letting himself in. Of course Ray would be the sort of idiot to just leave his door unlocked, he knew that they lived in a pretty safe neighbourhood, but still. Maybe he was just paranoid though, "I could have been anyone, you cretin." He huffed as he walked through to the living room, seeing Ray sat on the couch with his laptop open on the coffee table in front of him, "I brought donuts."

"Awesome. Give me a second here, and you'll have my undivided attention after that."

"Take your time, coffee?"

"Yeah, sure. There's a bag in the cupboard above the machine." Ray told him. Brad headed through to the kitchen then, finding the bag of coffee grounds in the cupboard Ray had mentioned before putting a pot on to brew. Once he'd found two mugs, he poured them both a cup before going back out to the living room, balancing the mugs on top of the box of donuts, "What are you looking at?" He asked, glancing over at Ray who was still on the laptop. Ray glanced back in his direction for a moment, before shrugging, "Ah, nothing."

He craned his neck over to see the laptop screen, frowning as he saw what was on the browser tab Ray had open, "Invisalign braces?" He asked, putting the box down so that he could carry the mugs over by the handles, rather than attempt to carry everything and end up dropping them. Ray just shrugged again, "Yeah, homes. My grill is fucked up, thought it was probably about time I did something about it."

Brad frowned as he listened to him, and he instantly felt bad. He had always teased Ray, called him buck-toothed as part of his long insults that he so often threw towards the younger man, but he'd never meant any of it. He didn't think Ray's teeth were fucked up, and he never would have teased him about it if he'd known that it was a sore spot for him, "Hey." He murmured, touching Ray's shoulder as he leaned over the back of the couch over his other shoulder, "Your teeth are fine." He said softly. Ray just offered him a smile in response, and Brad couldn't help but smile back. He straightened up after a moment though, once he'd realised just how close they were, and picked up the coffee mugs again.

He sat next to him on the couch with the two mugs, putting the box of donuts on the coffee table once Ray had put the laptop away, "So." Ray started, sitting back against the armrest of the couch so that he was facing Brad, "You never, ever, show up unannounced with donuts, so tell me what happened."

"Nothing happened. Today was just never ending, and I thought you might want to hang out."

"Aw, Bradley, you know I always want to hang out with you." Ray teased with a grin, leaning forward to grab one of the donuts out of the box - the chocolate orange one, Brad was pretty sure. He wasn't even totally sure why he bought a box of six, considering he probably wouldn't eat more than one. Whatever, he'd leave them here, he was pretty sure Ray would eat the rest of them.

"I think Mission Impossible is on TV, you wanna stay for it?" Ray asked as he settled back on the couch, with his back against the backrest of the couch this time instead of the armrest. This though meant that his shoulder was pressed against Brad's as he flicked through the TV channels until he came across Mission Impossible, "Sure." Brad shrugged, fishing a donut out of the box for himself before he settled back.

They watched the film in relative silence, both of them commenting on parts of the film every now and again or reaching for another donut. Well, that part was mostly Ray - Brad had eaten half a lemon meringue donut and had decided that it was far too decadent and had given up. Ray had eaten the rest of it though, and had eaten the Toblerone one too once he had finished what was left of Brad's one. They got as far as the train scene in the film, Ray complaining about how he'd have made a better fucking ninja than Ethan Hunt - and how Brad would have made an even better one again, and had he ever considered becoming a secret agent - before Brad looked over at him, and realised that he had a smear of chocolate on the corner of his mouth. Without really realising what he was doing, he reached over to wipe away the chocolate with his thumb, shutting Ray up in the process.

He froze once he realised what he'd done, his hand still reached out in Ray's direction, and the younger man just looked back at him, biting his lip gently, "Brad.." He murmured, his own gaze flicking down to his mouth for a moment before looking back up at him. In a moment of decisiveness - or stupidity - he shifted so that he was leaning closer to Ray, barely a foot away from each other, "There's nobody else here." He said quietly, looking at Ray to gauge his reaction. What he meant, was that there was nobody else here to know what they did behind closed doors.

Ray just looked back at him, seemingly looking for any sort of indication that Brad was about to change his mind, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah.."

On that note, Ray closed the distance between them, softly pressing his mouth to Brad's, who reached up to cup the younger man's face between his hands. Ever since that day at his house when he'd kissed Ray out on the back porch, he could barely think of anything but how he wanted to do it again. Putting aside all of Brad's big gay feelings for him, Ray was a damn good kisser, and he had a way of making the heat curl in his lower stomach when he kissed him.

He pulled away after a moment, just enough to look at Ray and raise his eyebrows at him - a silent question of 'alright?'. Ray just grinned slightly before leaning in to kiss him again, shifting so that he could swing a leg over Brad's and settle in his lap. He let his hands rest on Ray's hips as they kissed, before he took the opportunity to push his t-shirt up once they had parted again. Ray took the hint, thankfully, and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, before just grinning down at Brad.

Once he had Ray shirtless, he took a moment to just look at him, at his various tattoos - the birds on his left shoulder and right bicep, the stars on his chest, the 'no dice' on his chest, despite the fact that Ray had insisted that he hated all that cheesy moto bullshit, although he wasn't sure if there was a story behind that or not. He hummed as he brushed his thumb over the stupid nipple piercing, which he definitely wasn't about to admit that he actually liked. He'd filled out a little too since leaving the Corps, had gotten some of his muscle back. Ray had never been a buff guy like Rudy but towards the end of their deployment to Iraq, when they'd all been starving, he'd gotten alarmingly skinny. So it was nice to see that he was back to a healthy weight. His hair had grown out too, long enough by now that if he didn't keep it gelled back, it was long enough to fall into his eyes. Something else that Brad thought was undeniably sexy.

Ray huffed in amusement, draping his arms over Brad's shoulders, "See something you like there, Iceman?"

He smiled and rolled his eyes, tipping Ray's chin up slightly with his fingertips before pressing their lips together in another quick kiss. He sometimes forgot just how.. fond, he was of Ray. He was a disgusting slob most of the time, but God.. Brad loved him. He quickly tipped Ray to the side off his lap, following him back down on the couch until he was braced on his elbows above him, "I guess you could say that, yeah." He murmured, grinning when Ray just wrapped his legs around his hips in response.

He dragged his mouth across Ray's throat, grazing his teeth gently against the exposed skin for a moment before a thought came to his mind, and he pulled back slightly, "You've been with a man before?" He asked, although he was pretty sure it came out sounding more like a statement than a question. He was pretty sure he was right though - and it wasn't like he had an issue with it either way, he was just.. curious.

Ray raised an eyebrow, running his fingers through Brad's hair - despite the fact that it was still cut military short and there was barely enough for him to get his fingers through - before he answered, "Yeah."

"How long?"

"Well Cass dumped me about a month after we got back from Iraq, so shortly after that. And exclusively, about a year after that." He explained with a shrug, biting his lower lip as he looked up at Brad. And honestly? That was a bit of a surprise. He'd known Ray had had a girlfriend while they were in Iraq, and he'd known they'd broken up shortly after they'd come home, but that was about all the information he had. While he had guessed that Ray had slept with men before, he hadn't known that for the last three years or so, he was only sleeping with men.

"Is that a problem?" He asked, when Brad didn't answer him. He couldn't help but notice that he looked apprehensive, as though he was worried about what Brad's reaction to this was going to be. He wasn't sure why really, it would have been very fucking hypocritical of him to have a problem with Ray sleeping with men - considering they were lying here wrapped up in each other. So, in lieu of an answer, he just rolled his hips down against Ray's, grinning at the moan that his action drew from the younger man, "Does it look like I've got a problem with it?"

Ray just huffed out a breath of laughter, before pushing gently against Brad's chest, "Fuck, homes, get off me." He said with a grin, and Brad frowned before backing off, "Did I d-"

"No, I just mean get off me so that we can take this to the bedroom. We're not fucking on the couch." He told him, although he stopped to unbutton Brad's shirt first, pulling it down off his shoulders until Brad shrugged it off.

His grin returned at that, and he clambered back off the couch to let Ray up, following him through to the bedroom when he took him by the hand. While they had already slept together, and they had done their fair share of kissing by now, he was a little taken aback by how right Ray's hand felt in his. He'd never been big into the PDA thing - and if he was being honest, he wasn't even all that great at being affectionate in general - but something in him softened at the feeling of Ray's fingers laced through his.

He followed him through to his bedroom, and he had him against the wall almost as soon as Ray had shut the door behind them, pressing his mouth to Ray's again while he held both of Ray's hands above his head, his fingers between his again. He could feel Ray's smile against his lips as they kissed, and he tried not to think too hard about that while he let go of one of his hands and looped his arm around his waist instead. He was fighting to hold back his own smile though, mainly at the fact that Ray had to lean up onto his tiptoes to reach him.

Once he'd let go of Ray's other hand, the younger man dropped both of his hands to the waistband of Brad's trousers, undoing the button on them. He stopped him though, biting his lip gently when Ray dipped his head back slightly to regard him with a slightly confused expression, "I want to try something." He explained as he took a step back, before he dropped to his knees.

It didn't take Ray too long to get with the program, thankfully, and he hummed as he ran his fingers through Brad's hair again, "Shit, homes, are you sure?"

"Yes.. is that okay?" He asked, letting Ray tip his head back until he could look him in the eye, and Ray just nodded, "Yeah, fuck. Course it's okay. Shit, d'you have any idea what a fucking sight you are down on your knees like that for me?"

Brad just grinned, undoing the button and fly on Ray's jeans until he could pull them down around his thighs along with his boxers, freeing his cock. He had to admit, despite the fact that Ray had said that he was a sight down here on his knees, it didn't quite compare to the view he had from down here. Ray looked wrecked already, despite the fact that he hadn't even touched his cock yet - his hair was mussed and he had a flush high on his cheeks. God, he was fucking gorgeous really.

Setting his mind back to the task at hand, he dropped his eyes back down as he wrapped a hand around Ray's cock, slowly jerking it a couple of times more just to get a reaction out of the other man than anything else - it was something of a delight to see Ray squirm. After a moment of this though, he closed his mouth around his cock instead, using one hand to cover what he didn't think he could fit into his mouth, and the other to hold Ray's hips back against the wall. It wasn't exactly like he'd done this before, so he was under no impression that he was going to be a natural at it, and the last thing he wanted was to rush into it and make an idiot of himself by choking or something. Besides, he was pretty sure that would only fuel Ray's ego, and then he'd never hear the end of it.

So he took it slowly, bobbing his head while he went, taking a little more each time until he was pretty sure he'd gotten as far as he could go. Once he'd done that, he just focused on doing what he liked having done to himself in this situation. It was a little odd though, being on the other end of a blowjob for once - although it wasn't as terrifying as he'd thought that it would be. Weird, sure, but he didn't exactly want to turn tail and run. He was pretty sure a lot of that had to do with Ray's reaction to it though, because fuck.. if that wasn't an image he wanted burned into his memory for the rest of his life. He wasn't exactly sure of how good a job he was doing, but it seemed that Ray had no issues with his performance, if the way he looked was anything to judge by. His mouth was hanging open on a silent moan, his eyebrows knitted together. The flush that had previously just been on his cheeks had now spread down his neck too, and shit, Brad wanted to get his mouth on every available area of skin. After a moment though, Ray started on his usual stream of rambling with a swear word thrown in every now and again for good measure, Brad just tuned him out as he focused on what he was doing.

Sooner than he'd thought - or maybe it wasn't that soon, he wasn't exactly watching the clock - he felt Ray's hands scrabbling at his shoulders and he glanced up at him from under his eyelashes, "Brad, fuck, you can stop, I'm gonna come."

He knew that when Ray had blown him, the younger man hadn't backed off when he'd been about to come, he'd encouraged him to finish in his mouth actually, but he was pretty relieved that Ray had given him a little warning. He was still coming to terms with the fact that he'd just given his first blowjob, so, baby steps.

He didn't pull away too far though, just pressed his mouth to the sharp curve of Ray's hipbone instead, sucking a mark into the thin skin over the bone while he jerked him off until he was coming. Thankfully, he managed to avoid getting any on himself though, considering he was still in his BDU from today. Ray slowly sunk down the wall once he had finished, grinning lazily at Brad for a moment as he tucked himself away before he pulled him in for another kiss.

Brad went easily with it, dragging his fingers through Ray's hair as he kissed him, his other hand gently stroking over Ray's boney knee, "You still alive there?" He asked with a grin once they had pulled apart, mainly because he could feel him shaking under his hands.

"I think so. Fuck, you might have actually just killed me."

Brad just smiled, leaning back a little so that he could pull himself to his feet, "Come on, up." He told him, holding his hands out to Ray and pulling him to his feet too once he had taken them. He lead him over to the bed, pulling back the sheets before smiling when Ray dropped down face first onto the bed. He stroked a hand through his hair once he'd sat down next to him, and Ray turned back to him after a moment, "Shit, wait. I didn't get you off, come here."

"It's fine, Ray, I'm good. Really." He said with a small smile, running his fingers through Ray's hair again. He wasn't exactly sure why the uneasy feeling had set in again, but he just.. there was something there. It was easier not to think about it, but it was also easier to just leave things as they were right now. He'd just had Ray's cock in his mouth though, so he wasn't exactly sure why he was hesitant now about letting Ray touch him in return, especially when it had already happened once before. He was pretty sure that it was just because he knew that they couldn't - that he shouldn't have crossed this line with him again. What was done was done though, there was no taking it back.

He stood after a moment, heading out towards the bathroom until he heard the sheets rustling as Ray sat up, "Brad?" He asked, his voice quiet as he looked over at him, "Are you.. where're you going?"

"Bathroom, I need to borrow some mouthwash." He answered with a smile. Honestly, he hadn't been totally sure what his next move was. He wasn't planning on staying the night, he couldn't let himself do that, but he just.. he couldn't make himself leave right now either. Not when Ray had that look on his face. It was another one of those expressions that Brad hated to see him wear, vulnerable and unsure. So he could at least wait until Ray was asleep before making himself scarce.

He stepped out to the bathroom, running his hands over his hair as he looked at himself in the mirror for a moment before locating the bottle of mouthwash. Once he had gargled a mouthful and rinsed, he went back to the bedroom, and had to suppress a smile at the sight of Ray. He'd evidently ditched the jeans again and had dumped them onto the floor beside the bed, and was curled under the sheets on the left side of the bed, his eyes tired as he looked over at Brad, "Room for two." He murmured with a small smile, pulling back the sheet on the other side of the bed.

He didn't argue, simply stripped off his own BDU trousers until he was left in just his boxers, before sliding in next to Ray. Once he'd settled, Ray wasted no time in closing the distance between them, dropping an arm over his waist and pressing his face into his shoulder, "I meant what I said last time, by the way."

"About what?"

"Next time, I'm gonna need you to fuck me with that monster cock."

Brad huffed out a breath of laughter at that, putting his own arms around Ray and letting him settle in close against him, his face pressed into his neck. He could feel his breath against his collarbone like this, and he couldn't help but drop a soft kiss to his temple, "Shut up and go to sleep, Ray." He told him with a small smile. He wouldn't stay the night, he couldn't, but this was nice. He'd let himself have this much at least. He absentmindedly dragged his fingers through Ray's hair as they laid there, and eventually the younger man's breathing evened out until Brad was sure that he was asleep. He pulled back slightly, just enough to get a good look at him, and sure enough, his face was slack with sleep, his mouth open slightly.

He couldn't help but smile as he just watched him for a moment, watching how he snuffled quietly in his sleep. He knew though, that if he didn't get up and go now, that he'd end up staying here the entire night. Part of him wondered whether it would be so bad if he did, but he couldn't let them fall into any sort of routine here. He did feel a stab of guilt though, knowing that he was leaving Ray to wake up alone again. Still, he couldn't afford to get sentimental here, he had to switch off and think like the Iceman.

So he quietly got out of the bed, pulling his trousers and his boots back on. He glanced back at Ray once he had, finding that he had only moved enough to turn onto his other side. He didn't let himself think too long about it though, just quietly shut the door behind him as he left. He grabbed his shirt from the living room on the way, buttoning it up as he searched for Ray's keys. It didn't take him too long, thankfully, and he locked the front door behind him as he left, before dropping the keys back through the letterbox slot in the door.

He was glad again now that the drive back to his own house was only a matter of minutes, and he sighed as he let himself in. He felt awful really, but what was he supposed to do? The alternative was to keep doing this, and if it did become a regular thing? They certainly couldn't be open about it. Brad was still in the military, and he wanted to continue being in the military. He'd dedicated years of his life to the service, he'd worked his way up to Gunnery Sergeant, and he didn't want to throw all of that away - not even for Ray, and Ray deserved better than that. So he was in a difficult situation about the whole thing.

He just tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. It didn't make it any easier though, as he laid alone in his bed and tried not to think of Ray.

-x-

Later on the next morning, he was in his office reviewing a training video for the new recruits.

He'd headed over to the base a little earlier than he'd needed to that morning, simply because he'd woken up an hour before his alarm and he knew he wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep. That uneasy feeling from last night was still there, but he was pretty sure a lot of that was guilt too over the fact that he'd snuck out on Ray again. He tried not to think about it though, and he figured the best thing to do was to just throw himself into work and keep busy.

So he was pretty glad when his LT had asked him to review a new training video for the recruits and to give his feedback on it - meant he had something to keep his mind busy for the moment. So he wasn't expecting it when there was a knock on his door and he just hummed in response without looking up from his laptop, "It's open." He said, quickly writing a note on the video down on his notebook, that he'd put into his proper review later. When he looked up at the door as it opened, he frowned as Ray let himself into the office, "What are you doing here?" He asked, pushing the laptop away from him slightly.

"You left some donuts, thought you might want them." Ray shrugged, putting a Tupperware box on the desk as he sat in the chair around the other side of the desk, which Brad could see still had the white chocolate and red velvet donuts in it. He had a feeling that was just an excuse though, considering he'd left food around Ray before never to be seen again. So he had a feeling that him coming here didn't have a whole lot to do with donuts.

"You could've kept them."

"Eh.. I'd probably have forgotten about them and found them in my cupboard six months later, all gross and crusty and shit."

He couldn't help but notice though, that despite the fact that Ray was talking as he usually did, that he still seemed a little quieter than he usually would have been. It was an odd contrast to the Ray that he was used to, especially a Ray who'd been high on Ripped Fuel and a lack of sleep. It wasn't a great feeling either, knowing that it was because of him. They were silent for another moment before Ray sighed, tugging his fingers through his hair.

"Y'know.. this is the second time now that you've skipped out while I was asleep."

There it was. Brad knew that the donuts were just an excuse for him to come here, but that they weren't the actual reason. He hadn't thought that Ray would bring it up though, especially not when they were at Brad's place of work - which, Ray really should have known better than to say anything here, "We're not talking about this here."

"Oh, bullshit."

"Ray-"

"No, don't 'Ray' me. I thought.. what happened? I thought we were good last night."

"I told you we are not having this conversation here." He knew that they were alone in his office, and it wasn't like the room was bugged or that anyone would just come bursting in without knocking, but he just.. he was a little paranoid that even mentioning it here would get them caught. He could see Ray walking out of here and then General fucking Mattis coming back in saying that they had a problem, and then he'd be discharged from the Corps and left wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do for the rest of his life. Maybe a little unrealistic, he knew, because he knew that nobody was listening, but still.. it felt like taboo to talk about this here. Ray just looked at him for a moment before shaking his head, scoffing quietly under his breath, "Fuck, you really are the Iceman."

That.. maybe stung a little. He knew he deserved it, but yeah.

He sighed, running his hands over his hair, "Ray, can we j-"

"No. You made it very clear that no, we can't." Ray cut him off, before he got a chance to finish his sentence. He was half glad though, because he hadn't actually really known what he was going to say next. After another moment of silence - where he really didn't know what he was supposed to say, and he wasn't sure that Ray did either - Ray stood up from his chair and tapped the Tupperware box, "Keep the donuts, I was gonna have lunch with Walt anyway." He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Okay.. are y-"

"Yeah, it's whatever." He said with a shrug, kicking the table of the desk lightly as he looked down at the ground, "I'm gonna order pizza for dinner later, if you wanna come over for a slice or whatever."

That ignited the feeling of guilt in Brad again, mixed with something that he was pretty sure was relief. He'd been a dick, he knew that, but Ray was choosing to forgive him for it anyway. They'd be okay, and he knew that that was all because of Ray choosing to be the bigger person. He could have stormed out of the office and decided that he was never talking to Brad again - which he probably could have done if he wanted, considering there was nothing keeping them together now that Ray was out of the Corps. He still hadn't decided on if he wanted to reenlist or not, but for the moment anyway, there was nothing keeping them together. So he was glad that Ray hadn't wanted that.

"Sure.. mushrooms?" He asked, risking a tentative smile. He knew he'd only eaten pizza for dinner yesterday, but he could recognise a gesture of forgiveness when it was given, and he wasn't stupid enough to turn it down.

"Not a chance in hell." Ray answered with a faint smile of his own before tapping the desk again, "See ya later then, I guess." He said before letting himself out and going, Brad assumed, in search of Walt. Brad sighed once he had gone, putting his face in his hands for a moment before dropping his head down to thump his forehead lightly off the desk for a moment.

He realised once he'd done it, that he'd hit his head off the keyboard of his laptop and had closed his document without saving it.

-x-

He hadn't been sure what time to go over to Ray's place at that evening, but it seemed Ray had decided to save him the trouble by showing up at Brad's house about an hour after he'd gotten home. Surprisingly, the pizza had had mushrooms on it, which Ray insisted he'd only gotten because Brad would have been a little bitch about it otherwise.

He'd been worried that it would be awkward as hell between them, but surprisingly, it was actually fine. They had sat on opposite ends of the couch and watched Jeopardy while they ate the pizza,

"Lake Michigan."

"Errr, wrong, Iceman."

"It's the right answer!"

"No, the right answer is 'what is Lake Michigan?' You gotta answer it with a question or no money for you."

"Stupid fucking game show."

He was half expecting for Ray to bring up this morning and demand to know what the fuck his attitude had been about, but oddly, he didn't even mention it. They ate their pizza, they drank their beer that he'd gotten out of the fridge for them, and everything was fine - Ray kicked him when he flicked a piece of mushroom at him, they laughed at the more ridiculous questions on the show. He'd spent the day worrying that he'd fucked this up, so he was beyond relieved that he hadn't, that Ray had forgiven him for both skipping out on him last night and being a dick to him this morning.

He also didn't mention last night at all, which made Brad wonder if they were going to pretend that none of it had ever happened and just go back to how things were before. Maybe they were better off though, it was easier back then. If they were better off as friends, then so be it. He would have to just get over himself.

-x-

Four days later, Brad was feeling a hell of a lot better about the whole thing.

Everything that had happened between himself and Ray just.. hadn't been mentioned. They didn't talk about any of it, they acted like it hadn't happened, and honestly? He was pretty sure that this had been the best course of action. Things were easy between them again, and it was nice to be able to just lounge around together without the lingering worry that Ray would start a conversation that would inevitably turn into an argument.

Sometimes though, he did wonder. He wished that things could have been different, and sometimes he looked at Ray and wondered if he thought the same thing. He was pretty sure that the younger man understood though - maybe not why he'd been such an asshole about the whole thing, but then again he didn't quite understand that himself, but why they couldn't just be together. He knew that Ray knew how much his career meant to him, so he guessed that was probably why he hadn't pushed the issue any further.

Ray had gone back to Pendleton yesterday to talk to Brad's LT about reenlisting, so it seemed that that was the plan for the immediate future, so just another reason for them to ignore whatever there had been between them. Especially since it meant that if Ray reenlisted, Brad would be his superior - which could get him into even deeper shit if anything came out.

Like he'd said though, everything was fine. He'd had Walt and Ray over for dinner last night after Ray had told him he was getting the ball rolling on getting reenlisted, and he'd had a good time. It was almost like the old days - and he'd never thought that he'd be pining for the days when they'd be sitting around the parked Humvee, having not showered in weeks, sharing shitty MRE's and playfully insulting each other. Then again, he supposed even back then, he'd been prone to just watching Ray from time to time and thinking 'some day'. Ray had calmed down a lot since then, it had been a while since Brad had heard one of his outraged rants that were aimed at nothing all that important, but he supposed that was probably because Ray was off the Ripped Fuel, he was getting regular sleep, and was eating proper food.

He was just out of the shower and was towel drying his hair when he heard a knock on the door, and he dumped the towel on the bed as he went to answer it. He wasn't surprised to see that it was Ray, but what he was surprised to see was that he was holding a small potted plant. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at the plant before looking up at the other man again, questioning expression still on his face, "Uh.. hi?"

"Hey, Brad." Ray greeted with a grin, ducking under his arm to walk past him into the house. After a quick long-suffering sigh - which were regularly needed occurrences when dealing with Ray Person - he shut the door and followed him inside, leaning back against the kitchen counter as he watched him putting the plant up on the windowsill, "Should I even ask?"

"Walt and I agreed that your house is nowhere near lived-in enough, which is my nice way of saying that it's fucking boring, homes. You're not living on base, there's no one gonna come do random checks to make sure everything is up to scratch."

"So you're criticising me for not living like an inbred slob like you do?" He asked, even though he knew Ray's house wasn't actually filthy. The younger man was messy, sure, but he seemed to keep up with washing the dishes and his clothes.

"No, I'm criticising you for being fucking boring, so I'm making it my mission to liven your place up a little. Now, I know you're probably gonna do everything in your power to kill it, intentionally or not, but this little guy is a cactus so he only needs to be watered like once a week. That's literally all you need to do, so if it dies, I'm gonna assume you intentionally killed it. His name is Felix, so maybe that'll make it a little harder for you brutally murder it."

"This is an affront to my warrior spirit."

"Yeah, yeah. You're a badass Gunnery Sergeant warrior, heard it all before. Don't kill it."

Brad had to admit actually, that the little cactus was rather cute. Not that he'd ever admit that to Ray, because he was pretty sure that he'd never hear the end of it. But yeah, maybe he would make some sort of an effort to not kill Felix. Despite the fact that it had been disguised with an insult about how boring he was, it had been sort of sweet that Ray had brought the plant over in an attempt to brighten up his place a little - he was maybe slightly more touched by the gesture than he'd ever admit to.

They both glanced over when there was another knock on the door, before Ray frowned as he looked back to Brad, "Who the fuck is that, I'm the only one who ever visits you." He groused, sitting himself up on the counter. Brad just huffed quietly in amusement but otherwise ignored Ray's question as he went to answer the door. He was surprised to see when he opened it that it was Laurie, and she smiled as he opened the door, "Brad, hey."

"Laurie, this is a surprise."

"Is it a bad time?" She asked, and Brad could only think of Ray sat on his counter and how the younger man knew all about what had happened between him and Laurie but that he had never actually met her. He shook his head though, smiling as he stepped back to let her in, "No, not at all. I have a friend over, but he's fine." He told her, walking into the kitchen with her.

When they got there, Ray was still sat on the counter, singing to himself as he flicked through the pile of unopened mail Brad had left on the counter from this morning - personal boundaries had never really been a thing between them. He glanced up when they came back in, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Laurie. That was right, Brad had never shown him pictures, he doubted Ray even knew who she was.

"Ray, this is Laurie. Laurie, Ray. We served together in the Corps" He explained, and both of Ray's eyebrows flew up towards his hairline as he looked over at them, "Oh! This is Laurie?" He asked, and Brad silently cursed him for making it so obvious that he'd mentioned her before, "I'm Ray, nice to meet you." He hopped down off the counter, smiling as he extended a hand to her which she shook. He couldn't help but smile as he noticed that even she was taller than Ray.

"You two served together?"

"Yeah, we were in Afghanistan and Iraq together, I drove Brad's Humvee. I'm out now, but I'm thinking of reenlisting." He explained to her with a smile. Brad watched him as he spoke, and to anyone else; Ray would have been the perfect picture of politeness. Brad knew him better though, and he could see the barbs underneath - in the slight sharpness to his smile, in the overly polite way that he spoke to her. He wasn't surprised though, Brad had already been broken up with Laurie by the time he'd met Ray, but he'd told him everything that had happened one night when they'd been drunk on leave together. He'd told him all about how they had been engaged and were planning on getting married the following summer, how he was so glad that Laurie and his best friend Joe got along with each other so well, right up until she had dumped him out of the blue and then just a little over a week later he had seen them out together, how he had asked them what the fuck was going on and they had come clean and admitted that they'd been seeing each other and that Laurie wanted to officially be with Joe rather than him. He knew how she had hurt him.

"It's nice that you two are still friends." Laurie said with a smile, looking over at Ray, "I know he can be a bit of a hermit, it's good for him to have people around."

"Yeah, I'm loyal." Ray said with that same smile, bordering on sickly sweet.

The three of them stood in silence for a moment after that, and Brad was pretty sure that he was about to bite his tongue in two with the tension in the air. He was pretty sure that Ray had managed to hit a nerve there with Laurie, but he knew that he was only being protective. Besides, it wasn't a lie, Ray was fiercely local to him.

"Coffee, anyone?" Ray asked for a moment, putting his hands in his pockets. It seemed the silence was starting to get to him too, "Coffee would be great, Ray, thank you." He said, before putting a hand on Laurie's shoulder to lead her out to the back porch. He knew he'd told Ray that they were all still friends, but he hadn't actually seen her in a long time. It was very rare that she just dropped over, so he was pretty sure there was a reason behind her visit.

They sat in the chairs outside once he'd shut the door behind them, and he rubbed the back of his head as he looked over at her, "I'm sorry about him, he's-"

"No, it's okay." She said, before he could finish. His attention was drawn to the window when he saw movement through it, and he couldn't help but smile at what appeared to be Ray singing to the cactus as he waited for the coffee to brew. He was an idiot, really. He looked back to Laurie when he heard her huff in amusement, to find her smiling fondly at him, "He seems sweet, I'm glad you've got him."

"Yeah, he's-" He was about to finish his sentence with how Ray was a redneck backwoods retarded hick who was a product of inbreeding and some sort of mutation, before he realised that she probably wouldn't understand that he meant it as a term of endearment. So he just shrugged, giving her a small smile, "He's sweet."

"How long?" She asked, and it took him a minute to realise what she meant. His stomach twisted when he did though, because it wasn't like that. It could have been, if he wasn't such an idiot.. but it wasn't, "Its not like that, we're not-"

"Come on, Brad. I know what you look like when you're in love."

He just looked at her for a moment before dropping his gaze, picking absentmindedly on a hangnail on his thumb for a moment before he spoke up again, "It's not like that." He repeated, before shrugging again, "It can't be." That was the long story short really - he wanted, but they couldn't.

She reached over to him then, squeezing his hand gently, "I'm sorry." She said softly. He knew she got it, but he just.. he didn't want her pity. He sat back in his seat so that his hand was out of her reach, folding his arms instead, "Not to be rude, but is there a reason you came over?" He asked. He guessed that there probably was, so he just wanted to get it over and done with, especially now that he was feeling so exposed.

"Yeah, I um.. Joe and I are having a baby. We wanted to know if you would be the godfather." He honestly didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. Well, no, he knew what he was supposed to say, he just didn't know how the fuck he was supposed to agree to it. He'd loved Laurie, he'd wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her, but she and Joe had snuck around behind his back and left him in the lurch, and now they were having a baby and wanted him to be the godfather? It felt a little like a smack in the face, and even after everything that she had done to him, this felt like the worst one.

"Brad-" She started when he hadn't responded.

"Respectfully, I am going to have to decline." He told her. He knew that if he were anyone else, this probably would have escalated to an argument, that they'd have ended up fighting and shouting at each other, but he was the Iceman - he kept his cool in situations like this. After a moment she sighed, reaching over to put her hand on his shoulder, "Just think about it, okay?" She asked him before standing up, "I should be getting going, but please give it some thought." She let herself back into the house after that, and he could hear her saying goodbye to Ray, before he stood up and followed her out. He only went as far as the kitchen though, and she let herself out the rest of the way.

When he turned back to Ray, the younger man was sitting up on the counter again with a mug of coffee, and there was more coffee keeping warm in the machine, "Well she left in a hurry there, what the fuck happened, homes? I thought you two were getting along." He asked, kicking his feet out and letting them bang back against the cupboard door under the counter. He just sighed, closing his eyes as he put his hands on one of the other counter tops and leaned against it, "She's having a baby. She and my former best friend are having a baby, and they want me to be the godfather."

"Ah, shit, Brad."

He heard Ray hopping down off the counter and come to stand next to him. He didn't say anything else though, and after a moment Brad felt him gently knocking the back of his hand against his hip, "I'm going for a shower." He told him, straightening up. He knew he'd only gotten out of the shower before Ray had turned up, but he just.. he needed to not be here right now. With emotions running so high, and Ray tentatively touching him like that, he knew he had to remove himself from the situation before he did something stupid like put his arms around Ray and never let him go.

He didn't exactly need to shower again so he didn't bother with the perfunctory washing of his hair or anything like that. He just stood under the spray of the water with his eyes closed, letting the water border on scalding to give him something else to think about. He knew that he was over Laurie, that while he was obviously still a little bitter over what had happened, that it had been years since he'd looked at the situation and thought that he still loved her. It just felt a little like they were rubbing it in his face, the fact that they were asking him to be godfather to the child they were having that was a product of their sneaking around behind his back.

She was right though, about what she had said. He was in love with Ray. While it had been obvious to her though - because as she'd said, she knew what he looked like when he was in love - he wondered if it was so obvious to anyone else. He wondered if Ray could see it too, if he could tell every time he caught Brad's eyes that he loved him. Part of him panicked at that, but another part of him hoped so, because he wanted Ray to understand that he wasn't just stringing him along every time something happened between them, that he did love him and that it was just circumstance that made the whole situation as crappy as it was.

After what could have been either ten minutes or an hour - he had no idea which - he finally shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. After quickly drying and pulling back on the sweatpants that he'd been wearing before, he stepped back into his bedroom to find Ray still there. The younger man was sat on the edge of the bed, next to the towel that Brad had used earlier, and he was looking up at Brad with something close to concern in his eyes, "You good, homes?"

"I'm fine." He muttered, sitting next to Ray on the bed before dropping his head into his hands again, his elbows resting on his knees. Ray didn't say anything else, but after a moment he felt the boney point of Ray's chin resting on his shoulder, and he couldn't help but smile into his hands. He lifted his head to turn to Ray, directing his smile at him instead. The other man was still watching him with that soft expression on his face, and Brad really couldn't help it when he leaned forward to press his mouth to Ray's. It was nothing more than a soft press of lips, Ray's chin hooked over his shoulder, but God, it meant everything.

After a moment though, Ray pulled away, giving him a slightly tight lipped smile as he sat back out of Brad's space, "You're sure you're okay?" He asked, and he just nodded in response. Yeah, he was fine. He would be, today had just caught him off guard.

So Ray nodded, squeezing Brad's knee gently for a moment before he stood, "Alright, I should get going." He murmured, putting his hands in his pockets, "Don't kill Felix."

"I will do my best not to." He really would, he appreciated the little gift.

Ray just smiled again before playfully rolling his eyes, kicking gently at Brad's ankle in lieu of a goodbye before he let himself out.

-x-

They were lounging on the back porch a couple of days later, sitting with a beer each while music from Brad's crappy radio played out through the open window. It was one of those long evenings, where the sun seemed to take forever to set. Brad's home was more out of convenience than anything else - he hadn't wanted to rent one of the rooms on base - but it was evenings like these that he actually loved where he lived. He was right down the street from the ocean, and he often liked to relax out on the back porch and just listen to the sounds of the waves crashing in the distance.

"Hey, homes." He was snapped out of his doze by Ray piping up, and he glanced over in his direction, "If you had kids, what would you call 'em?"

"I don't want kids."

"If you wanted them."

He rolled his eyes, wiping his hand on his jeans where his beer bottle had been sweating down his wrist. Well yeah, he'd never wanted kids, even when he had been with Laurie. Then after she was out of the picture, it wasn't like he'd ever had to have that conversation with anyone. Kids weren't in his future, so he'd never really thought about what he might want to name his hypothetical child.

"I'd like a daughter." Ray started again when he didn't answer him, "I'd call her Amoreena, y'know like that Elton John song?"

"Ray, that is six ways to Sunday gay." He groused, although his mind was assaulted by the image of Ray with a dark haired little girl, brown eyes wide and playful like her father's, and he maybe had to maybe grip the neck of his bottle a little tighter than he had been to stop himself from clutching at his chest.

Ray would make a good father though, he had to admit. He was an idiot, but he was kind and compassionate, and he knew when to take things seriously almost as well as he knew how to play the fool. So on that note of thought, it was probably better that they couldn't end up together. This was something Ray had obviously thought about, and had they been together and then maybe five or ten years down the line? He could see it being an impasse for them. Even if - hypothetically, of course - he gave in and agreed to have kids for Ray's sake, he knew he wouldn't do a good job of it. He'd never been around kids much, kids didn't tend to like him, and he never knew how to deal with them.

Ray deserved to have that though, he deserved to settle down with someone and have two or three kids - someone that he could actually be with, someone that would treat him the way he deserved to be treated. So, not Brad.

He looked over at him after a moment, watching how he nodded along to the song on the radio, stupid sunglasses down over his eyes as usual, and he was hit with a wave of fondness, "Nice name, though." He shrugged, returning Ray's bright smile with one of his own.

-x-

It wasn't long after that, when he was letting Nate make use of his spare room, that he started to realise just how fucked he really was. The younger man was in town for a couple of days, having been asked to give a talk to the new officer recruits at Pendleton. When he'd mentioned that he'd be in town, Brad insisted that he not bother looking for a hotel room and that he just stay with him instead. It worked out nicely, mainly because Ray had gone back to Missouri for a week or so to visit his mother, so having Nate there made up for the lack of Ray's constant presence at his place. It was a lot quieter actually without Ray around, and Brad wasn't totally sure that he liked it. He'd gotten used to having him around again.

For now though, he'd brought Nate down to the beach - he remembered Nate telling him back at his paddle party that he would have loved to learn to surf - so he figured with the ocean right there and with an extra board in his garage, that there was no reason for him not to teach him the basics. It seemed though, that while Nate was good at a lot of things, that surfing just wasn't one of them. Still though, he'd gotten a good laugh out of watching him wash out if nothing else.

After a good hour or so of this, Nate had grudgingly admitted defeat, and the two of them had collapsed on the sand, passing a bottle of water between the two of them, "How is school going, actually?" He asked, looking over at Nate. When Nate had first told them that he was retiring from the Corps, he had been surprised to hear that he had enrolled back in school and was going to be getting his MBA, but it was good that he was making some use of his civilian life and wasn't just working in a K-Mart or something.

"It's pretty tough actually. Not as tough as OCS obviously, but I've got my work cut out for me." He answered with a small smile.

He couldn't help but admire Nate, the man had done everything in his power to keep all of the men in his platoon alive back in Iraq, when they'd been stuck dealing with the likes of Encino Man. He wasn't sure how the platoon would have survived if they'd been subjected to Captain America as their platoon leader like third platoon had been. He knew that a lot of the reason all of them had gotten home alive had to do with Nate and his leadership. He was a good lieutenant, a good platoon leader, and Brad had been sorry to see him go when he had retired from the Corps. He was glad though, that they had stayed in touch afterwards.

"How are you, Brad?" Nate asked after a moment, and Brad just looked up at him. He had a feeling that Nate didn't just mean how was he in that particular moment - because the answer would have been something along the lines of itchy from the sand and seawater drying on him, as well as a little hungry. He was pretty sure that it ran deeper than that. So he just shrugged, toying with the ankle strap of his board, that was sat in the sand at his side, "I'm okay, getting by."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it." He said with a small smile, before shrugging, "I worry about you, y'know? Walt and Poke and most of the other men, they have wives and girlfriends to get them through the hard parts of what we all went through. I know you have a reputation for being the Iceman, but I worry about you being alone sometimes."

Brad's heart honestly bled for Nate sometimes. It had been a good few years since he'd retired from the Corps, and yet, it seemed like he hadn't grown out of the habit of worrying about his men. Anyone else, he was pretty sure would barely have remembered where Brad even lived, and here was Nate freely admitting that he worried about him being on his own. It was a sign that he'd been a good officer though, that he cared. "With all due respect, I'm rarely alone these days ever since that Whisky Tango hick fuck known as Ray Person moved to California."

Nate just smiled at that, rolling his eyes, "He's good for you, Brad. I'm sure you wanted to run him over with the Humvee more than once during OIF, but somehow he's the reason a lot of us kept our sanity rather than losing it. You included, I'm pretty sure."

He didn't say anything in response to that, but something in his face must have given him away, because Nate's expression softened a little as he looked over at him, "Is there anything you want to talk about, Brad?" He asked, tilting his head slightly in the way that reminded Brad of an inquisitive puppy. All that Brad could think of in that moment was the trust he had in Nate, and the fact that the other man was no longer his superior officer. It was that that had him shrugging, picking at the label on the bottle of water that Nate had just passed back to him.

"Ray did keep me sane back then. He still does." He said with a shrug, his attention focused on the bottle of water just so that he didn't have to meet Nate's gaze as he spoke, "He and I have slept together. Twice. The first time at Walt's wedding, the second time about two weeks ago." He explained, risking a glance over at the other man. He wasn't totally sure that the second encounter counted as having slept together, but there had been a cock involved and Ray had gotten off, so he was counting it. He was fully expecting the surprise that was written on Nate's face, but expecting it didn't make it much easier to stomach, and he sighed as he looked away from him again, "I'm telling you this because I trust you, and I trust that this won't go any further than right here."

"You know it won't, Brad." He said softly, and then after a moment, "Is it.. are there feelings involved?"

"There's.. something. But it won't go any further than that, it can't." He said with another shrug, reading the label on the bottle yet again, despite the fact that he was pretty sure he could recite it off by memory by now. "He bought me a cactus." He said after a moment of silence, just because he was starting to regret ever opening his mouth. He trusted Nate though, he knew he wouldn't say anything to anybody. He was just feeling a little exposed.

"I think I'm in love with him."

Every muscle in his body was screaming at him to shut his mouth, and to go back to the house and lock himself in his bedroom for the remainder of Nate's stay - this entire conversation about Ray and about feelings was an affront to his warrior spirit - but he knew that Nate was good people, and he had a feeling that maybe actually talking to somebody about this would be good for him. It was the first time though that he'd ever admitted to somebody out loud his feelings towards Ray. Privately, he had admitted to himself that he was in love with him, but he'd never actually told somebody else. In all fairness though, who else really was he supposed to tell? His mother? Ray himself? The other guys in the platoon? Nate was a safe option.

Nate was still just watching him with that soft expression on his face, and Brad really couldn't help but think that the younger man felt sorry for him. It was pathetic really, "Does he know?" He asked after a moment, and Brad just shrugged. Honestly, he had no idea, and he wasn't sure he wanted him to know either. Like he'd said before though, half of him wanted to shit himself at the thought that Ray knew he loved him, and yet the other half of him hoped that he did. It was a complicated situation, one that wasn't helped by the fact that he was maybe a little bit emotionally stunted and the fact that he was in a military that still didn't allow it.

"You know you're allowed to be happy, Brad, right?" "It's.. my entire career is at risk if I do this. I've dedicated twelve years of my life to the Corps, to becoming a damn good Marine, I can't risk that."

Nate just looked at him, sighing softly as he looked back out over the ocean, "I'm sorry. If you do love him though, maybe it'd be worth it."

Brad knew that it probably would be, that Ray was his best friend and that it could only be even better if he stopped pretending that he didn't love him, but he just.. he was scared. He'd worked so hard for his career, to get to where he was, and he was scared shitless of having that all taken away because of who he loved. He was pretty sure that Ray knew that though, and was the reason for why he wasn't pushing this thing any further.

Nate nudged his shoulder with his own after a moment, giving him an encouraging smile when he caught his eye, "Stop thinking so loud. Come on, we'll give this thing another go." He told him, hauling himself to his feet and pulling the board out of the sand. Nate was right, he could keep himself awake thinking about this later, for now he could busy himself with trying to keep Nate from drowning himself.

-x-

When Ray was due to get home, Brad had insisted that he pick him up from the airport. It was only logical, Ray hadn't driven to the airport and there was no point in getting a cab when his flight got in at eleven in the morning on a Saturday. It only made sense for Brad to pick him up.

So he'd stood at the arrivals lounge at the airport - not anxiously, despite how it may have looked - and fiddled on his phone until Ray's flight got in.

He stood up when he saw the other man, a slow smile spreading over his face when he realised just how much he'd missed him. Ray looked good, relaxed after his week away in bumfuck Missouri. He knew that if he asked, Ray would say he'd done nothing but have an orgy with his cousins and watch NASCAR. It was obvious though that the trip had done him good. Ray noticed him too after a moment, and he dropped his bag to the floor when Brad pulled him in for a hug once he had reached him.

If anyone were to ask, he definitely didn't pull Ray closer and press his face against his hair, despite the fact that the younger man smelt like he had been cramped onto a plane for almost four hours - at least he wasn't wearing a MOPP suit though, he supposed. He definitely didn't melt a little either when Ray pressed his face into his neck, with a soft huff of breath against his collarbone.

Yeah, he was pretty fucked.

-x-

Somehow, Brad had managed not to kill the little cactus that Ray had gotten him.

Maybe he had been taking care of it a little better than he'd originally thought that he would. Maybe he just didn't want to have to admit to Ray that he'd killed the plant. Maybe he'd been a little happier than was warranted when he'd been watering it one day and noticed that it was starting to sprout a tiny flower from one side of it.

It was totally gay, but when Ray had been over the week after - when the flower had actually grown - his bright smile and exclamation of, "Bradley! You have spawned life!" when he noticed it maybe made it a little worth it.

Just maybe.

-x-

"Y'know," Ray started conversationally when they were lounging on the couch in Brad's house one day. It was a shitty afternoon, kind of rainy with a chill in the air that made Brad want to do nothing except curl up in bed all day. He'd planned to go for a surf that afternoon, before he'd known what the weather was to be like, but as it was, they were sat on the couch in front of the TV, a basketball game playing on the screen. He was pretty sure neither of them were actually watching it though, Ray was busy doing something on Brad's laptop, and he was halfheartedly perusing the newspaper on the coffee table, "I always thought you and Nate would've ended up together."

Brad nearly choked on the coffee he'd been drinking at that, taking a second to gather himself before turning to look at the younger man - who was still looking at the laptop screen, wearing a nonchalant look on his face, "Why the fuck would you have thought that?"

"Oh, come on, you two were always staring at each other during OIF. It was all very sexually charged."

"Nate has a girlfriend, he's always had a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well, desperate times." Ray muttered with a shrug, before he finally glanced over in Brad's direction, "I don't know, I just always thought. Especially after he retired." He said, before turning back to the laptop.

He supposed he could see where Ray was coming from though, and maybe in another life he could have fallen for Nate, but he just.. not in this one. He admired Nate obviously, and he could say that he loved him, but he wasn't in love with him. There had been someone else in the platoon that he'd been too busy trying not to fall for, and he was sitting right beside him. So he just shook his head, going back to his newspaper, "I love Nate, but not like that. It was never like that."

Ray just made a non-committal sound, going back to tapping away on the laptop, "So, no secret hanky-panky while I was in Missouri?" He asked, and Brad didn't even have to look at him to know that he was trying to hold back a grin, "No shacking up with the LT while Ray- Ray was away?"

"Shut up, Ray." He groused, although there was a small smile playing at the corners of his lips too. Ray really didn't need to know that he had spent most of the time that week missing him, or that he and Nate had sat down and had a totally manly conversation about Brad's feeling's towards Ray - he knew he'd never ever hear the end of it if that got back to Ray.

They lapsed back into silence after that, although Brad turned his attention back to the television instead of reading the paper, "I always kind of wondered about you and Walt though." He admitted after a moment, and Ray just raised his eyebrows in his direction.

"Are you fucking serious, homes? Walt? The straightest guy alive?"

"Well you thought I was banging the LT, who is just as straight as Walt."

"I tried to kiss Walt once."

Brad was pretty sure he almost gave himself whiplash at how fast he'd turned his attention back to Ray at that, his eyebrows raised towards his hairline, "You what?" He asked. He knew how close Ray and Walt were, how close they had always seemed to be despite the fact that Garza had been their gunner at the start of Iraq, and like he'd said; he'd wondered from time to time, but he'd never guessed that Ray had actually tried it on with Walt. He was pretty surprised at himself too actually, for the streak of jealously he felt at that.

"It was ages ago, homes, shortly after he and Garza swapped Humvees. I don't know, the two of us were on watch together, and it just.. sort of happened. He turned me down though. He was very sweet about it though, told me all about his girl waiting for him back at home. It was cute really, since they're married and everything now." He explained with a shrug, "I think it made us closer though, y'know?"

Brad knew that Ray and Cass had still been together at that point, but he was fairly sure that they had never actually been that serious in the first place. While Walt had waxed poetic about Alison when they'd been in Iraq, Ray had only ever mentioned Cass once or twice in passing. They hadn't actually lasted that much longer when he'd gotten home anyway. But anyway, like Ray had said, desperate times.

"Yeah, I get that. Do you still-"

"No."

He nodded, turning away slightly so that his attention was back on the television rather than on the other man. Ray kept quiet after that too, resumed his tapping away at the keyboard. He couldn't help but wonder what the fuck that conversation had been about, whether they had just taken a step forward, or a step back, or whether Ray had been just making conversation without any ulterior motivation whatsoever. Still, it had been an odd one.

"I'm glad you and Nate didn't end up together, for what it's worth." Ray spoke up again after a moment, and when Brad looked over at him, he was still staring resolutely at the laptop screen and the tips of his ears had gone red.

So he just looked back to the game, grabbing the remote to turn the volume up a little, "Yeah, I'm glad you and Walt didn't either." He said. He glanced at the other man from the corner of his eye after a moment, and saw that he was trying to hold back a small smile.

Okay, so maybe this had been a baby step forward.

-x-

Whatever good mood he'd been in from how well things were going with Ray lately had disappeared by Wednesday evening, by the time that he'd gotten home from work. He'd gotten home late too, it was nearing nine o'clock - which would be fine on any other day, but on this particular day, it just didn't leave him with a lot of time to prepare for tomorrow.

They'd gotten the word today, they were going back to war.

Their orders were to be on base at nine in the morning tomorrow, where a bus would collect them and drive them down to Riverside, where a plane would then fly them back to Iraq. He'd known that there was unrest, and that the Corps was preparing for something, but he hadn't expected that something to be another deployment to Iraq, especially at such short notice. He'd need to get a house sitter organised, obviously give his mother a call and let her know that he was shipping out again in the morning, and then there was Ray.

Fuck.

He wasn't sure why the idea of shipping out again filled him with such dread, he was a warrior, this was what he had lived and trained for. But he just.. he'd gotten comfortable at home, having Ray there ninety percent of the time. Nothing more had actually happened between himself and the other man, but.. things had been going well between them, there had been the potential there. And now he was being deployed, for six months at least. It was shitty timing was all.

He drove home once they had been let go, phone tucked into his shoulder on the drive home as he called his mom. She was worried, obviously, but she knew that this was what he'd trained for, what his career was. He assured her that everything would be fine, that it certainly wasn't his first time doing this, and that he'd be home before she even knew he was gone. It was rare he made it down to see her anyway, so it wasn't as though he'd be leaving a huge absence. Besides, he had been away for longer, he'd been gone for two years when he'd done his rotation with the British Royal Marines. She told him not to bother with a house sitter though, which he was relieved to hear, that she would drop in from time to time and just make sure everything was okay. Besides, he knew that Ray was right there, that he could check in too.

Once he got home, he kicked off his boots and went to pack a bag, although he changed his mind almost as soon as he had his backpack out of the closet, pulling his boots back on instead and heading out the door. He just, he needed to see Ray.

He didn't bother with the truck, just walked the short distance over to Ray's house before letting himself in. He had long since stopped bothering with knocking and waiting for Ray to come to the door, since he knew by now that the other man didn't tend to lock his front door if he was home. Besides, they had keys to each others place by now if it really was an emergency.

Ray was sat on his coffee table in the living room, appearing to be attempting to rewire a lamp by the looks of things. He looked up when Brad came in, smiling at the sight of the other man, "Hey, Brad." He chirped, going back to what he was doing. He had spared a glance at Brad's BDU though, probably because it was rare that he'd come over here straight from work - he usually headed home first to shower and change, if he was planning on dropping over. "Hey." He murmured in response, sitting on the armrest of the couch.

For a moment, he just watched Ray fiddling with the wires, clipping something occasionally and twisting the connection. There was something soothing about watching the younger man working, probably just because he knew that Ray knew exactly what he was doing. It had been like that back in Iraq too actually. He remembered sitting on the ground under the Humvee's cammie net, watching Ray fiddling with the radios and licking the wires in an attempt to coax their comms back to life, keeping up a running commentary on what he was doing the whole time. It was therapeutic in a way, he supposed. After a moment, Ray glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow at the bleak look on his face, "Jesus, who pissed in your cornflakes?"

"General Mattis."

Ray turned his attention to him at that, putting the lamp down, "What happened?" He asked, and Brad just sighed, pulling at a loose thread on the sleeve of his blouse. He almost didn't want to tell him. Ray was in a good mood, it seemed, and he knew that he was about to turn this whole situation into something a little more serious once he opened his mouth. Still, he couldn't really not say anything now though.

"We're being deployed, I'm going back to Iraq."

He could see the moment that his words registered with Ray, because his face dropped slightly, before twisting into a frown, "When?" He asked, and Brad honestly could have kicked himself for saying anything at all when he saw the slightly lost look on Ray's face. He knew he had to say something though, he couldn't just leave tomorrow without saying anything to Ray first - it would be the exact time that he didn't bother saying goodbye and then he ended up being killed. He knew that it wasn't news though, he had gone back to Iraq without Ray when he'd been with the Royal Marines, but this was the first time he'd be deployed ever since this.. whatever it was, had started between them. It was different now, "Tomorrow, I have to be at base at oh nine hundred."

"Shit."

Ray looked pensive for a moment before he got up, walking in the direction of the kitchen. Brad didn't think twice about following him, and he managed to catch him in the hall before he actually reached the kitchen. Ray just backed himself against the wall, sighing as he leaned his head back against the wall far enough to look up at Brad - who was standing maybe a little too close to him, but that was the last thing on his mind right now. He hated the look on Ray's face, somewhere between pissed off and upset. The younger man laughed bitterly after a moment, reaching up to drag a hand through his own hair, "You've been deployed before, you were gone for two years last time.. why the fuck does it feel like such a kick in the balls this time?" He asked, and Brad knew that they both knew the answer to that question.

"It's not forever."

"Yeah, but it's still a long fucking time."

"It's six months."

"A long fucking time, where people will be shooting at you."

He just looked down at him, his head tilted down a little to look at him since they were standing so close together. Ray held his gaze for a moment, his dark eyes wide, before seeming to wilt slightly as he dropped his gaze, "Fuck it." He murmured after a moment - more to himself, it seemed - before he stretched up to Brad, hauling him down in a bruising kiss. Brad wasted no time in settling his hands on his hips, kissing him back as Ray pressed his body against his.

For a moment that was all it was, Ray's arms around his neck as they kissed, letting his tongue meet Ray's when he parted his lips on a moan. He let his hands slip under the fabric of the other man's t-shirt, resting along the sharp curve of his hipbone, before Ray pulled back slightly, "Bedroom, now."

Again, he didn't waste any time, crouching slightly to hook his hands under Ray's thighs before hauling him up onto his waist. Thankfully, Ray didn't argue, his arms still around Brad's neck as he wrapped his legs around his waist. He was heavier than he looked, but that didn't deter Brad in the slightest as he walked them through to Ray's bedroom. He tried not to think of the last time that he'd been in here, when he'd blown Ray against the wall and afterwards, for a little while, things had been perfect. Then he'd left, and they'd gone straight back to square one.

He carried Ray through to his bedroom, depositing him on the bed once they got there, and he found himself dragged down onto the bed too. He went easily with it, covering Ray's body with his own and dragging his mouth down over the curve of the other man's jawline while he rolled his hips up to meet Brad's. After a moment of this, Ray pulled back slightly, his fingertips pressing gently into Brad's jugular as he looked up at him, "You know what I want."

"Are you sure?"

"Fuck, Brad, I've been sure ever since Kuwait."

Brad just looked at him at that, brushing his thumb gently against the ladder of Ray's ribs where his hand was resting, before he nodded and leaned down to press their lips together again, "Condoms and lube are in the nightstand." Ray murmured against his lips. He pulled back slightly at that, leaning over to the nightstand to rummage in the drawer while Ray busied himself with undoing the buttons on his shirt. Once he found what he was looking for, he shrugged out of his shirt, dropping it on the floor before helping Ray pull his own t-shirt over his head. They didn't delay in stripping out of the rest of their clothes, and Brad settled back on top of Ray as he slicked up his fingers, "Are you ready?" He asked, and Ray just rolled his eyes, "Course I'm fucking ready."

He pressed his mouth to Ray's collarbone again as he pressed a finger into him, noticing the way Ray's breath hitched slightly at the action. He knew that this wasn't the first time Ray had done this though, so he didn't waste too much time in preparing him - just enough to make sure that he wouldn't hurt him. He added a second and then a third finger once he was sure that Ray could take it, and he just.. he had to take a second to just look at the other man once he had pulled his fingers out.

Ray was flushed and panting already, the pupils of his eyes blown as he looked up at Brad, and he could see the hunger in them. Fuck, Ray was beautiful really, when he wasn't being deliberately disgusting. He was so hard already, just from even looking at him, "Fucking hell, Ray.." He breathed, dropping his hand to Ray's throat for a moment just to feel his pulse racing under his fingers. Ray just grinned up at him, leaning up to press another quick yet filthy kiss to his lips before pulling back slightly, "On your back." He told him.

Brad didn't argue, moving back off Ray so that he could lie back against the pillow instead, letting the other man straddle his hips. Fuck, he was a sight, this was an image he wanted ingrained into his memory for the rest of his life. Ray didn't waste any time in rolling the condom down over his cock and slicking him up, and then he was lowering himself down onto his cock, breathing deeply through his nose as he worked himself down. Brad just looked up at him, pressing his thumbs gently down on Ray's hipbones. It was taking all of his willpower though not to buck his hips up into him, "Fuck, I knew your cock was huge, but fuck.." Ray gritted out, his own fingers pressing into Brad's shoulders hard enough to leave bruises.

"Take your time." He murmured, leaning up slightly to kiss him again, before moaning against his lips as he slid down the rest of the way until he was fully seated in his lap. They stayed as they were for a moment, Ray letting himself get used to the stretch. Eventually though, he raised himself up slightly only to drop back down, tearing a groan from them both, "Holy fucking shit, Brad. I'm gonna need you to fuck me every day for the rest of my fucking life." He huffed, draping his arms properly around Brad's neck as he started to properly rock himself in Brad's lap, who thrusted his own hips up in time with Ray's movements.

Eventually he could feel the heat starting to build in the base of his spine, and he slid his hands from gripping Ray's hips to around his back, so that he could tip him to the side and flip them over so that he was on top again, "You feel so good, Ray." He murmured as he began to rock his hips, hauling one of Ray's legs up around his hips to get a better angle. Ray just moaned in response, holding onto his shoulders again as he tipped his head back against the pillow. He leaned down to kiss him again, but after a moment of this they were more just panting into each others' mouths. He really couldn't resist the long line of skin and muscle on show, and so he leaned down to press his mouth to his neck instead, wrapping a hand around Ray's cock as he sunk his teeth into his neck - not hard enough to break the skin, but certainly hard enough that there would be a mark left behind. Ray gasped at the action, his body going taut as he came between them, "Fuck.. Brad, you.. oh, fuck." He whined, and there were his fingers digging into his shoulders again.

Brad finished nearly immediately after that, braced on his elbows above Ray as well as he could, moaning against his collarbone. Ray's incessant chattering tuned out by the rushing in his ears as he just about managed to pull out before he collapsed on top of the other man. When he came back to his senses, Ray was trailing his fingers gently up and down the length of his back, a cigarette in his other hand. He tilted his head up to meet Ray's gaze, giving him a small smile, "Hey." He murmured.

"Hey." Ray had a sweet smile on his lips as he looked down at him, and Brad really couldn't resist leaning up to press their lips together in another kiss. He tasted like the cigarette that he'd been smoking, and he hummed as they kissed, Brad fitting the palm of his hand around the curve of his jaw. After a moment of this, he pulled back and rolled off to the side, rubbing his hands over his face. Shit, he'd only been thinking about this for what felt like forever, and it had been fucking worth the wait.

He sat up after a moment, running his hands over his hair before he reached for his boxers and trousers, "I should be going." He murmured as he pulled them on. He really didn't want to, he hated himself for having to do this again. All he wanted was to stay here, to pull the sheets up over them and hold Ray close until they were ready for round two. At it stood though, he had to be back on base in less than twelve hours, and then he wouldn't even be in the country for another six months. There were things he had to get sorted, he didn't have the time to lay here with Ray.

"Are you shitting me?"

He looked back at Ray when he spoke, and he could feel the weight in his stomach at the look on the other man's face. He looked pissed, like he couldn't really believe what he was hearing, and fuck.. this was happening again. He sighed as he rubbed his face, turning back to him after a moment, "Ray, I don't want to go. I'm shipping out in less than twelve hours, I don't have the time to stay." He said, and Ray just shook his head in disbelief.

"You fucking.. would you have actually stayed if you didn't have this to use as an excuse?"

"An excuse? Ray I'm n-"

"Actually, fuck that. Look me in the eye and tell me if this would have even happened if you weren't shipping out?"

Brad didn't really have an answer to that, and he sighed as he looked away from him. He hated this, because Ray was right. He probably wouldn't have gone along with this if he hadn't known that he was leaving in the morning. While he wanted this and he knew that Ray did too, it had been a desperate and reckless thing to do, because he hadn't known if he'd get another chance. It was selfish too, he supposed. Still, what was done was done, he didn't regret it, and he hated the fact that he had to leave.

Ray scoffed quietly under his breath after a moment of silence, shoving the blankets off himself and grabbing his jeans, pulling them on as he stood up, "This whole fucking thing is over, alright? This isn't happening again, and when you get back from Iraq; we're pretending none of it ever happened. There's gonna be no reunion sex, no kissing, no nothing, got it?"

"Ray-"

"No, don't fucking 'Ray' me. You can't have it both ways, Brad. Either you're with me or you're not, but I'm not waiting around for you to get your head out of your ass and grow up, and I'm not embarrassing myself anymore by letting you use me and then have you treat me like shit afterwards. I can take being fucked over by a lot of people, but I can't take it from you. So if you leave now, this is fucking done."

He really didn't know what to say to that. He should've known that Ray would get tired of this back and forward eventually - even he was fucking tired of it by now - but he hadn't thought that he'd have snapped like he just had. He knew he deserved it though, they kept slowly working their way up to something good, and then he had to go and ruin everything. His problem though was that he wanted, and he couldn't be with Ray like the other man deserved, but he wasn't strong willed enough to make himself step back for good. His problem was that he loved Ray, and that he couldn't be with him for real.

"I can't stay, Ray. I want to, but I- I can't."

"Fine, whatever." He muttered, running his fingers through his hair, "If you're gonna leave, then just fucking go. But Brad, if I mean anything at all to you, then stop treating me as if I don't." He told him, before he seemed to rethink his words, "Or if I don't mean shit to you, then stop acting like I do when it suits you."

He was a little taken aback at Ray's words, mostly because how could Ray have thought that he meant anything less than everything to him? He supposed though, that actions spoke louder than words, and his actions towards Ray had been a little appalling at the times when it mattered. So he just nodded, biting his lip gently as he quickly pulled his shirt and boots back on. He turned back to Ray once he was ready to leave, although he didn't really know what he was supposed to say to him, "Ray, I- I'm sorry." He finally settled on.

Ray just looked at him for a moment before dropping his gaze, shrugging his shoulders, "It's whatever." He murmured, putting his hands in his pockets, "I'll drive you to the base in the morning."

He knew that was the most he was going to get right now, that that was all the forgiveness Ray was going to give him. It was more than he deserved though, so he knew to take it without any arguments, "Okay, thank you."

-x-

As promised, Ray was waiting outside his house at eight thirty the next morning, although he beeped the horn obnoxiously to announce his arrival before leaving the engine of the truck still idling as he waited for Brad to get his shit together.

It had been a pretty shitty night actually, if he was being honest. After he'd gotten home from Ray's, he wanted nothing more than to wallow in how badly he'd fucked up this thing between them - considering Ray had told him that it was over between them if he walked out on him - but he hadn't had the time to sit around and mope. He'd had to get things together, double check that all his affairs were in order just in case. He'd left notes and letters on the kitchen table for his parents, and for Ray, detailing instructions in case he didn't come home. After that, it had been a halfhearted attempt to get a couple of hours sleep, although he mainly just tossed and turned for most of the night. It had taken everything in him not to get up and go straight back over to Ray's place to apologise - he knew he'd fucked up beyond repair, and that he certainly wouldn't be welcomed.

Eventually, he had everything sorted, and he double checked all the lights were off before locking the door, walking out to Ray's truck, "Hey." He murmured as he climbed in, attempting a tentative smile towards the other man, which was just about returned. Ray looked tired, as though he hadn't gotten any more sleep than Brad had last night. He knew better to mention it though.

"So what's the plan of action?" Ray asked as he reversed out of the driveway before changing the gears. Brad had always hated Ray's truck, it was a beat up old thing that didn't look in much better condition than their old Humvee's had been. Still, Ray obviously loved the thing.

"Same as always, pretty much. There's a bus that'll take us to Riverside, then a plane as far as Spain from there, and then another plane to the Middle East." He explained with a shrug. Not much had changed from when they had both been deployed together in that respect, and he was pretty sure Ray knew that. He guessed it was probably a question just to fill the silence more than anything, since it seemed the other man had been serious about pretending nothing at all had happened between them.

"I left letters and other important information on the kitchen table, as well as the keys to my truck and bike." He explained, before handing over his house keys to Ray. He knew that he had a set already, but there was no point in him bringing them with him, so he figured it was just an extra set for Ray to have while he was watching the house for him, "I watered Felix this morning." He murmured, toying with the sleeve of his uniform.

Ray glanced over at him at that, an eyebrow slightly raised, "I'm surprised you haven't killed it yet."

"I'm trying my best not to. It was from you, so." He murmured with a shrug. Well yeah, that was the reason he'd been taking as good care of the plant as he was. Ordinarily, he wouldn't have given a shit, but the fact that it was a gift from Ray made him actually care about the little thing.

"Well, I'll try not kill it while you're away." Ray answered with a shrug of his own. He couldn't help but notice though that he was being slightly.. cool, with him, or something like that. He couldn't say he blamed him though, he more than deserved it for the way he'd acted last night.

They lapsed back into silence after that, although Brad couldn't help but feel as though he needed to say something. He was leaving for six months, he was going to an active combat zone where the chances of him getting shot were pretty much fifty-fifty. He knew that everything would probably be fine, but that there was the slightest chance that he wouldn't come home. The only problem was, he didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to say.

"Ray, I- I just wanted you to know th-"

"Don't."

He looked over at the other man, watching how he glanced anxiously in his direction for a moment before turning his attention back to the road, "Whatever it is you're gonna say, please don't say it." He murmured, swallowing thickly, "Just.. come home in one piece, okay?"

He could only nod at that, because what else was he supposed to do? He had so much that he wanted to say to Ray, that he wanted to tell him in case he didn't get another chance to, but he knew that they were gone past the point of all of that. He'd fucked it up, and it wasn't like he could even ask Ray to wait for him, because they'd be in exactly the same position once he came home. So it was probably for the best that he left it alone, and left Ray for the next six months to move on, rather than have him waiting for him for something that couldn't happen.

Sooner than he was prepared for, they pulled into the parking lot of the base, and he was surprised at the fact that Ray got out of the truck with him, "I want to say hey to the other guys." He explained with a shrug as they walked up to the departure area. As expected, the bay was full of wives and children, all there to say goodbye to the Marines. He smiled as they caught sight of Walt, his arm around Alison's waist as his mother fixed the collar of his blouse. He laughed at something she said, before waving when he noticed Brad and Ray approaching them, "Hey, guys." He called with a smile, holding out a hand to accept the fist bump Ray gave him.

"You guys remember Allie, this is my mom." He told them, rolling his eyes when his mother pulled them both in for a quick hug - Brad going with it somewhat awkwardly, "Brad is the platoon's Gunnery Sergeant, Ray drove our Humvee during the tour in '03." He explained to his mother after she had let them go.

"You take care of my boy over there." She told Brad, who nodded, "I'll do my best, ma'am."

After a quick hello to Trombley and his wife - and his son, who Ray plucked out of his arms and balanced on his hip, which sent a whole mess of feelings through Brad - Ray inisted that it was probably about time he got going. They'd be leaving soon after all. Brad followed him a couple of steps away from the rest of the men, and Ray put his hands in his pockets as he kicked at the asphalt, "I want you to look after yourself over there, okay?" He said quietly, glancing up at Brad.

"I will."

"I mean.. I know you and the new LT are responsible for the guys. But I meant what I said, I need you to come home in one piece."

"I will, Ray. Six months isn't even that long, I'll be home before you know it." He said, before Ray just pulled him into a hug. He put his own arms around Ray's shoulders, resting his chin on top of the other man's head. This was fine, nobody would think twice about it if they looked at them. He sighed as he just held onto him, and he could feel Ray's hands shaking a little where they were around his own waist. Eventually though, he had to let him go, and he gave him a small smile as he held him by the shoulders, "Don't burn my house down while I'm gone." He told him, and Ray just gave a slightly watery sounding laugh, "I'll try not to, homes, but I can't promise anything."

He let him go properly after that, watching Ray walking back to where he'd parked his truck before turning back to the other man to wait for the bus.

-x-

Iraq was exactly as he'd remembered it from the last time they'd been here.

It was blisteringly hot during the day - his MOPP suit making the temperature even more unbearable than it already was - and freezing cold during the night when the temperatures dropped.

It was different being the driver of his vehicle too, considering Ray had been doing the driving for him last time. Their new LT was in the passenger seat beside him - Lt. Davis, a twenty-six year old from Washington. He was nice actually, probably not as good an officer as Nate had been, but he seemed earnest and as though he had the men's best interests in mind, which was all they could hope for really. Walt was in the driver rear seat, and Sgt. Anderson in the passenger rear seat. Anderson was quiet, Brad didn't really know what to make of him yet. He seemed like he knew what he was doing though. Their new Gunner was Cpl. Leary, who reminded Brad of Doc Bryan - he was a tough sonofabitch, who said things as they were and certainly hadn't hesitated to call Brad out on his shit once or twice. He liked him, and while Brad had never doubted Walt's ability up on the turret during their last deployment, he was glad that they had Leary up there.

He was pissed though, when he realised that Recon were being used exactly as they were during the invasion of '03. They were being jerked around by command, and while their new C.O wasn't as big of a fuck up as Schwetje had been, he wasn't a whole lot better. Still though, Davis was just as frustrated by the whole thing as he was, so at least he wasn't alone in that respect though.

He obviously had experience as a team leader, but it was new being the right hand man to the LT. While he had been responsible for his men as team leader last time, that had been only three other Marines - plus Reporter when he'd been embedded with them. Now he and Davis were in charge of the whole platoon, and since it was Davis' responsibility to execute orders and make sure they did their jobs, it was Brad's responsibility to look after the men while doing so. It was a little daunting, but he liked to think that they were doing an okay job. He knew the men liked Davis too, so that was an important factor. He remembered how third platoon had fallen apart last time, because Captain America was a fucking idiot who didn't know how to look after his men.

He remembered though, how desperate he'd been last time for a real mission. Now, he found himself hoping that they would stay under the radar until the end of their deployment. He had promised Ray that he'd come home in one piece, and he intended to keep that promise - as well as get the rest of his men home in one piece too.

-x-

It was early one morning, about six weeks into their deployment, when they arrived at an Army supply camp. He found himself - for the first time - thankful that Command were still going in circles with their heads up their asses, because it meant that their orders for now were to stop at the camp and regroup while Command attempted to unfuck themselves. It was a relief to have finally stopped, considering they had been driving for what felt like forever. He wasn't used to being the one to do the driving, his fingers itching for his M-16 every turn that they took.

Still, for now, they had settled down for the day at least, and there were a handful of computers at the command tent. The internet connection wasn't great, but it was something, and so the LT told them that anyone who wanted to make a quick call home was welcome to do so.

Brad waited until the tent had mostly cleared out and there was no one at the computers before he decided to call home. His mother had been delighted to talk to him, and he promised her that he was fine, but that that was about all he could tell her right now. He didn't delay in talking to her, just promised her that he'd look after himself and the others as well as he could, and that he'd call again if he got the opportunity. It was after he'd ended the call, and was about to close out of Skype when he noticed that Ray was online.

He hadn't intended to call Ray, he'd had no intentions of it whatsoever, but he wondered if it would be that bad of an idea.

He sighed as he started a call, biting his lip gently as he waited for Ray to pick up. Maybe he wasn't even online, maybe he'd just left the laptop on while he'd gone out or he was busy around the house. Maybe he deliberately didn't want to talk to him, and he was watching Brad calling and was waiting for him to give up and end the call. Maybe he should. He knew that this six months was time for them to have some sort of space from each other, and here he was six weeks in already wanting to talk to Ray. Yeah, maybe he should just end the call.

He was saved from his inner dilemma by Ray answering the call, his face appearing on the screen. He looked confused for half a second, before he smiled when he realised that it really was Brad calling him, "Homes! Hey, I wasn't sure if my laptop had shit itself or if you actually were calling."

"Yeah, we're dug in for the day. We're at an Army supply camp, so there's some sort of internet connection."

"Awesome, dude. How is everything?" Ray asked, smiling into the screen. He looked good, Brad had to say. He looked tired, but he was pretty sure that Ray always managed to look a little strung out, no matter how much sleep he got.

"Everything is fine. Same old shit, you know the routine. How are you, you look tired?" He asked, folding his arms as he looked at the other man through the screen. Ray just shrugged, smiling a little, "Yeah, I uh.. I've been doing some research. I've been thinking about it, and I don't think I'm gonna reenlist. I'm thinking of going back to school instead."

"Wow, that's.. that's great, Ray."

"Yeah, Clansdale has a good engineering program, I've been looking into it."

He couldn't help the relief he felt at the fact that Ray was deciding not to reenlist. He didn't like the idea of Ray shipping out with some other platoon, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to trust himself to think rationally in a firefight if Ray was right there with him - especially now that he was responsible for a whole platoon of men. It gave him some peace of mind to know that the other man was planning on going back to school instead. Besides, engineering was a good career choice for Ray. He'd always been good with the radios and the computers, had been able to work wonders with them when even Brad had been on the verge of throwing them out the window of the moving Humvee. He was pretty sure that he'd fit right in.

"I'm glad to hear it, Ray. It'll be good for you." He said with a smile, before his attention was drawn to another person walking by in the background of the screen, "Hey, sorry, was this a bad time? Do you have people over?" He asked.

Ray just bit his lip gently for a moment, before turning back to the person who had just walked by, "Hey, Dan, get over here for a second." He called. He was joined by another man after a moment who sat next to him on the couch, smiling at the screen, "This is Brad, remember my old team leader I told you about?" He said, and the other man nodded, "Yeah, Brad, hey. I'm Dan. Ray's told me all about you."

Honestly, Brad had no idea who Dan was, but he knew it was probably rude to point that out, so he just smiled and nodded, "Not too much, I hope." He said with a smile. He looked like a nice guy, sort of nondescript with brown hair and a light cover of stubble over his jaw. He looked familiar though, for reasons Brad couldn't pinpoint.

"Only the good things." He said with another smile, before gently nudging Ray, "I'll leave you guys to catch up, I doubt you have a lot of time to stay on the line. Good to meet you though, Brad." He said, and Brad was about to return the pleasantry before Dan leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Ray's shoulder as he stood up.

Oh.

He felt a little like he'd been suckerpunched. He knew that he'd been hoping that Ray would move on in the time that he was away, but he hadn't actually considered the possibility that he'd meet somebody else. He watched Ray watch Dan walk away, before the younger man turned back to the screen with a smile, "So, Dan." Brad murmured, doing his best to keep his tone of voice light and nonchalant. Ray nodded after a moment, and Brad couldn't help but notice that he looked somewhat sheepish, "Yeah. I uh, he's Nate's girlfriend's brother. He lives in town, and I ran into them while they were up visiting him. They invited me to join them for lunch, and Dan and I just hit it off." He explained with a shrug. That made sense though, why he looked familiar, he'd met Nate's girlfriend before and now that he knew he was related to her, he could see the resemblance.

"He seems nice."

"He is. It's nothing serious yet, but I like him."

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah, Brad, I am." He said with a nod. He looked happy, Brad had to admit, and he supposed that that was all that mattered. He'd made Ray happy as his friend, he knew that, but it seemed that he hadn't done that as anything more than friends. He'd just hurt Ray, and so he was glad that he'd found somebody who did make him happy - who treated him the way he deserved.

So he nodded, giving him a small smile, "Then I'm glad you've got him. You deserve someone who treats you right, Ray."

Ray just looked at him, and he looked.. apprehensive. He looked relieved too, as though he hadn't expected Brad to be so accepting of the fact that he'd met somebody else. Which, Brad supposed that said a lot really, "I mean it, Ray. I'm happy for you." He told him with a smile. He wouldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt, but Ray deserved to be happy with somebody who made him happy.

Ray eventually smiled at that, and he just nodded, "Thanks, homes. Really."

"Yeah. Okay, I gotta get going, we're only supposed to make short calls."

"Alright.. tell the other guys I said hey, and just.. take care of yourself, Brad."

"I will." He said with a small smile, before making himself end the call. He was glad that he'd gotten the chance to talk to Ray actually, even if he had been a little blindsided by the fact that he now had a boyfriend. He missed him, obviously, but he was glad to see that he was happy.

He left the tent after that, making his way back to where the Humvee was parked. He felt like he needed a little space after that, just to think about things. When he got there though, Walt was sitting in the passenger seat of their Humvee, his feet propped up on the frame of the window, "Hey, Sarge." He said with a smile when he noticed Brad approaching him.

"Hey, Walt. You get a chance to call home yet?" He asked, and Walt nodded, "Yeah, I called earlier. You?"

"Yeah, I just finished up there. I spoke to Ray for a couple of minutes too, he says hi." He said as he went around to the driver side of the Humvee, climbing in beside Walt. He knew that he'd said he needed a couple of minutes alone, but he didn't mind Walt being there. He got along with the other man, he was glad to have him here with him.

"Oh, cool. How is he?"

"Good, he introduced me to his new boyfriend." He said with a shrug. After racking his brain for a moment, he was pretty sure Ray had told him forever ago that Walt knew that he was into guys. He wouldn't have said anything otherwise, he wouldn't have wanted to cause problems for Ray in that respect. Although, he knew how close Ray and Walt were, so he doubted it would have been that big of an issue between them even if he hadn't known. Walt just looked back at him at that, an eyebrow raised slightly, "Oh?" He asked, before humming, "That's cool. What'd you think of him?"

"He's nice." He murmured, glancing back in Walt's direction. He couldn't help but think that the younger man was being overly casual though, as though he knew something. He raised an eyebrow, shooting him a questioning look, and Walt just rolled his eyes, "Alright, can we pretend you're not my direct superior for a minute and just talk as friends?" He asked, and Brad nodded. He had a bad feeling about this though.

"When I asked what'd you think of him, I meant what do you think about the fact that he has a boyfriend in the first place? Considering I know you two have been sleeping together?"

Brad just looked at him, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of panic that had risen in him. How the hell had Walt figured that one out? He hadn't thought he and Ray had been obvious about it on the few occasions that they had seen the other men as a group - there had only been one or two occasions that they'd all gotten together since Walt's wedding, and they hadn't even been sleeping together before that. He wouldn't even say that they were sleeping together, that implied that it was happening on the regular. He and Ray had only actually fallen into bed together another two times in the few months since Walt's wedding. Fuck, maybe Ray had said something. He should've known better, he should have known that running his mouth would only get Brad in trouble, and he couldn't help but wonder who else he might have told.

Walt just smiled sheepishly at him, rubbing the back of his head, "Brad, relax. I guessed, okay? He said some things in passing that someone who didn't know him as well as I do wouldn't have picked up on, and I asked if there was anything going on between the two of you. He's my best friend, you think he doesn't tell me things?"

He must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights, because Walt smiled and swatted his knee lightly with the back of his hand, "I'm not gonna say anything, Jesus, I know the shit you could get into for it. I just.. he talks about you like you hung the fucking moon. It's not hard to guess that he loves you."

"It's not.. it isn't like that." He murmured, biting his lip gently. He felt on edge just from even talking about this in this setting - sat in their Humvee in their MOPP suits with the other men only a couple of hundred yards away, "It didn't work out. I'm glad that he's happy. The way I feel about him.. it doesn't matter, it couldn't have happened. He deserves someone who makes him happy, who he can actually be with out in the open. So I'm glad that he has that."

Walt just looked at him, before nodding, "I'm sorry it didn't, I think you two would've been good for each other."

"I wasn't good for him, I strung him along too many times."

Walt patted him on the knee, giving him a reassuring smile, "He needs you though, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I need him too."

They shared another quick smile at that, and while Brad had initially shat himself slightly at the fact that Walt knew he and Ray had slept together, he was maybe somewhat glad that they had had this talk. He knew he was Walt's superior, but they were friends on the outside too, and it meant a lot to him to know that he didn't think any differently of him for it. Although, he guessed that they had probably done their fair share of bitching about him too. The thought made him smile slightly, and he was just glad that Ray had a friend like Walt.

"You okay, Sarge?"

"Yeah, Walt, thanks."

-x-

It was maybe another three weeks after that that everything went to shit.

They'd finally been given a proper mission. It seemed the Republican Guard had retreated from an airfield that was of interest, and it was now their mission to seize said airfield. It seemed like a standard operation; get in, seize the airfield, hold the airfield. It made Brad a little uneasy though, because nobody seemed to know exactly why the Republican Guard had retreated and given up the airfield. Command obviously weren't too concerned with that though, they just wanted that airfield under American control.

Another thing that he was anxious about though, was that they were the ones doing the seizing. Which meant that there was nobody in before them doing Recon on the mission to make sure it was legit. Spearheading a mission like this looked great for Recon, and Brad knew that to half of the officers up top, that was all that mattered.

So they were in their Humvee's, approaching the airfield. Only to find it empty, "I don't like this." Davis muttered to Brad as they observed. If Brad was being honest though, neither did he. He knew that they'd been told that the Republican Guard had retreated, but they were expecting some sort of resistance. The quiet was making him nervous.

They parked the Humvee's up by the hanger, and Davis sighed as he looked over at it, "Colbert, take a team and check it out. There'll be a second team behind you, and we'll provide cover in case anything comes up." He told him, and Brad nodded. He switched on the comms, adjusting the radio to the right channels, "This is Hitman Two Actual, I need Stafford, Evans, and Donovan. Over." He said into the radio, before turning back to Walt, "You're with me too, c'mon."

Once he was out of the Humvee, he was joined by the other three men he'd called, and he ran through with them what was happening, "We'll be first in there, check it out. A second team will be following behind us, and the rest of the platoon will be on standby to lay down some cover in case things get hairy. Keep your eyes open and rifles up, we don't know what to expect in here." He explained, before glancing between the men, "All clear?" He asked, nodding once they had confirmed that they understood.

They approached the hanger, rifles held at the ready. Brad knew that chances were that the hanger was empty and that everything would be fine, but he just.. he was maybe a little jittery. He didn't let it show though, the last thing he wanted was to let his nerves show in front of the men.

As they approached though, he heard one of the men back at the Humvee's call out "contact left", and then all hell broke loose.

It seemed that once the Republican Guard had set off a shot, that there were no holds barred, and before he knew it there was shooting from both sides, "Fall back, get back to the Humvee's" He told the men as he laid down some fire. He knew that they were the obvious targets out here, way out from the relative safety of the Humvee's. There wasn't a lot that they could do though, except try to get back to them.

He nearly made it too, and he didn't really realised what had happened when his knees hit the pavement hard. Then Walt was screaming his name. It was then that the tearing pain set in, and he realised that he'd been hit by a spray of bullets. He hadn't known where Walt was, hadn't seen him coming, until he was suddenly at his side and dragging him back to the safety of the Two One Humvee.

He gasped for breath as he tried to think, tried to catalogue his injuries. It was hard to think rationally over the pain, over the deafening sound of the gunfire coming from both sides, but he was almost certain that he'd been hit somewhere around his ribs - maybe more than once - in his right shoulder, and his neck.

He could vaguely make out the sound of Walt screaming into the Two One radio, trying to get the message across, "Hitman Two Actual, this is Two One- or.. this is Hitman Two.. it's Walt! Colbert's been hit. Over."" He was saying, the panic evident in his voice, "Interrogative, how bad?" He could hear Davis ask over the radio, and Walt glanced down at him, "Its bad, we need to get him out of here." He said before abandoning the radio.

Then he was back at Brad's side, and through the agony, Brad could just about make out how alarmingly pale he was, how his face was twisted in what was obvious pain, "Are you hit?" He gritted out, and Walt shook his head, "I went over on my ankle. It's fine, it's nothing." He told him, doing his best to staunch the bleeding. It was the wound on his neck that was the most worrying, Brad knew. He knew that the bullet probably hadn't hit the jugular or the carotid artery - simply because of the fact that he wasn't dead yet - but there was still an alarming about of blood pumping from the wound, "Goddammit." Walt murmured, his voice shaking as he pressed a scrap of gauze hard down over the wound. While the pain of it was blinding, Brad knew that stopping the bleeding was his best chance of survival. That if he didn't die from his body going into shock, that it would be blood loss that killed him.

When he pressed his hand to the wound - even over Walt's hand and the gauze he was pressing against his neck - it came away wet with blood, which was more than a little worrying. Sticky meant that the wound was bleeding slowly, and was more of an inconvenience than anything else. Wet meant that blood was pouring freely from the wound, and would be a lot harder to staunch. It was also an indication that the wound was pretty bad, and he tried not to do the mental math of how much more blood he could afford to lose before it killed him.

"Walt.. Walt. I need you to do something for me."

"No, shut up."

"When you get home, tell Ray I'm sorry, okay? Tell him I tried, and that I lo-"

"Brad, shut up. You can tell him yourself when you get home." Walt snapped, and he could feel how his fingers were shaking where they were pressed against the wound in his neck. He wanted to listen to him, to keep quiet and agree that he could talk to Ray himself when he got home. But his vision was starting to swim, and he was pretty sure that the metallic taste in his mouth was blood.

He tried his best to keep it together, but he could feel his strength waning even where he was gripping tightly onto Walt's hand, and it was getting harder to breath, "Walt, I need.. you gotta-" He murmured, and before his vision blacked out, the last thing he registered was Walt begging him to stay awake.

-x-

He didn't remember much of the following hours.

He had no idea how they had gotten away from the ambush, but if asked, he could vaguely remember a casevac team once they'd gotten to safety, a man he didn't recognise pressing down hard on the wound in his neck - which had startled him back into some sort of consciousness.

After that, he'd swam in and out of consciousness, but had unfortunately been mostly aware of what was happening when they had had to dig the bullets out of both the meat of his shoulder and just under his ribs. They hadn't attempted to touch his neck except to try and staunch the bleeding - although he wasn't sure if that was because it had been a through-and-through shot, or if the bullet was still there and was plugging something important. He was pretty sure that it was the agony of it that made him aware of what was happening though. It was good though, pain meant that he was still alive. He knew that it was time to panic when he stopped feeling the pain of it.

-x-

When he next came to of his own volition, he had no idea where he was.

His entire body hurt, but it wasn't the sharp agonising pain it had been before, it had been dulled to a weak throbbing pain - the sort that he could feel in his bones. He was still groggy though, and he wasn't even sure if he was actually awake or not. The only thing he knew for sure was that the ceiling he was looking up at was startlingly white, and that he was hooked up to a breathing tube at his nose.

He could just about make out somebody shouting out in the hall - screaming blue murder actually, it seemed - although his head felt like it was underwater. He knew that whoever it was should have been disturbing him more than they were, but he was barely even noticing it really.

The only thing he could think of, was that whoever it was shouting sounded a hell of a lot like Ray. That made no sense though, Ray was back home in the States - he probably had no idea even that Brad had been hit. It made no sense, and he guessed that it was probably his mind just hearing what it wanted to hear.

On that note, he let the painkillers he'd been doped up with drag him back into unconsciousness.

-x-

He woke up again what felt like hours later. Or maybe it had been days, or minutes. He had no idea really. He just knew that it felt different from the last time he'd woken up. Or had he woken up before? Again, he didn't know. His memory of what had happened was shot to hell. All he knew for sure was that he'd gone down with a spray of bullets, and that he had vague memories of occasionally coming around to consciousness since then.

The only thing he knew for certain though, was that every inch of his body hurt - despite the amount of painkillers he assumed he was probably on right now - and that he had a horrific case of cotton mouth. When he glanced to the side, he noticed a glass of water on the nightstand beside the bed, and he decided that that was his primary mission right now. When he attempted to sit up though, a shooting pain in his shoulder tore an involuntary groan from him. At that, there was a flurry of movement from his other side, and he looked over to see Ray jerking out of the seat he'd been sitting in - having just woken up it seemed.

"Brad, shit, are you okay? What happened?" He asked, his hands fluttering over Brad like he wanted to check him for any new injuries himself, but that he was afraid of hurting him any further.

"Water." He managed to grit out, and thankfully Ray got the message. He reached over to take the glass of water, holding the straw out so that Brad could drink from it without straining himself too far. He let himself relax again once he had drank most of the glass, just looking over at Ray as he did.

The younger man looked.. well, he looked terrible. He was pale, and he had dark circles under his eyes as though he hadn't slept in a while. It was the way his eyes were bloodshot though, that caught most of Brad's attention - as though he'd been crying. He just looked strung out, and it reminded him of Baghdad, of the younger man coming down from the Ripped Fuel and tackling Rudy on the football field, only to walk away from that encounter with angry tears in his eyes. It broke his heart really, knowing that he looked that way because of him.

It was only then that he realised that he and Ray were supposed to be half a world away from each other, that Ray shouldn't be sitting here at his bedside, "Wh.. where am I?" He asked, and he couldn't help but notice how the other man's face creased in a frown at his question, "Do you not remember what happened?"

"I know I was hit."

"Yeah, they uh.. they casevac'd you, did what they could for you over there, and they got you home as soon they were sure enough you weren't going to die on the way. We're in California, in the VA hospital." Ray explained quietly, biting his lip as he looked over at him, "They weren't sure you were going to make it. They said.. they said you woke up a couple of times on the way home, but that you weren't exactly coherent. Fuck, when Walt called and said you'd been shot, I- I thought.." He trailed off, and Brad couldn't help but notice the way his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

Another detail stood out to him though, and he frowned as he processed it.

"When Walt called? How did-"

"He's home too, he broke his ankle. It's pretty ugly.. he needed surgery and he'll be on crutches for like eight weeks, so they sent him home too. He's okay though, he called me pretty much as soon as you guys were home and told me what happened." He murmured, and he wasn't looking at Brad anymore. He was looking down at his own lap as he spoke, but he couldn't hide the way he was grimacing, trying to steel his features into a neutral expression. Brad hated it, he hated how he was obviously trying so hard not to break down - for his sake, it appeared. It broke his heart.

He reached out as well as he could - mindful of the IV line that was running from his arm - and took Ray's hand in his, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze, "I'm alive, Ray. I'm still here."

He murmured. Ray choked out a sob at that, pulling his hand back from Brad's and burying his face in his hands, "You nearly fucking weren't, Brad. Walt called and said you'd been shot, and I barely even fucking heard the rest of what he'd said. I just kept thinking that you were fucking dead, that those bastards had killed you and that I never- I thought you were gone."

Brad couldn't help but reach out to him at that, fitting the palm of his hand around Ray's cheek, "I'm alive." He repeated, smiling slightly at the way the other man leaned into his touch, before bringing his own hand up to tangle his fingers through Brad's,

"I'm not leaving you." He said softly, gently wiping away another tear that was making its way down Ray's cheek with his thumb. Well no, maybe they had a lot to talk about once he'd recovered a little, but he was making that promise to himself right now. No matter what happened, he wasn't leaving Ray again. He knew that it wasn't like that anymore, that Ray was dating somebody else now and that he'd screwed up his chances with him, but he'd be there for him in whatever way Ray would have him.

Ray just gave him a watery smile at that, squeezing his hand, "You promise?"

"I fucking promise."

-x-

His doctor explained everything to him later on that day, when he'd finally convinced Ray to go home and catch a couple of hours sleep.

As much as he'd wanted the other man there, as much as he'd wanted him to never have to leave this room, he could tell that Ray was exhausted. It wouldn't do him any good to end up burning himself out because he was sitting here keeping an eye on him. Brad was pretty sure that he was okay, it wasn't like he was going to die in the couple of hours that Ray went home to sleep.

His doctor had come by shortly after he'd left, and she had sat down with him to explain everything. He'd taken three bullets in his right flank - one of them had cracked two of his ribs - another bullet in his right shoulder, and then there was the one in his neck. That had been the most cause for concern, and he'd needed emergency surgery in the field almost as soon as they'd gotten him out of the fire fight just to try and stop the bleeding. Once they'd gotten him somewhat stable, he'd been transferred home as soon as possible - along with Walt - and he'd undergone another more extensive surgery to remove the bullet and try to repair the damage. Oh, and he'd cracked his left kneecap when he'd come down on the pavement. Apparently they'd nearly lost him twice on the journey home, and they hadn't been entirely sure that he wasn't going to need a liver transplant once he got to the proper facility - to repair the damage done by the bullet. He was fine though, they had managed to avoid that.

He'd never been more thankful that he was alive.

All in all, it had been a little over four days since he'd been shot, and the idea of that alone terrified him. He wouldn't have thought twice about it if the doctor had told him that it had been ten minutes, but he supposed that he hadn't exactly been conscious for most of the journey home - so he guessed it was only normal that his sense of time was a little screwed.

His doctor had promised him though that he was over the worst of it, that they had gotten all of the bullets out and that it was just a matter of recovering now - of making sure he didn't pick up any infections or the likes. They'd have to keep an eye on his knee too, make sure that it was healing properly and wouldn't require any additional surgery.

Once she had left though, he was left wishing that he hadn't made Ray go home, because now he was left alone with his thoughts. He was supposed to have taken care of his men over there, and - aside from Walt obviously - now he had no idea if any of them were even okay. Stafford, Trombley, Leary.. he'd never forgive himself if he walked out of this hospital only to hear that one of them had been gunned down too. At least he knew Walt was safe, even if he was going to be hobbling around on crutches for the next eight weeks.

Thankfully though, his parents came by later, as well as his older sister. He usually would have complained about their fussing and their worrying, but he really couldn't bring himself to tell them off for it. He knew it must have been horrific - for his mother especially - to have gotten that call, telling them that he'd been shot and that he was in the hospital. At least he was still alive, that it hadn't been that kind of phone call. He missed them though, it had been a while since he'd seen all three of them, since he'd been subject to his sister's taunting - she never failed to remind him that despite the fact that he was a hard-ass warrior Marine, that he was still a teenage girl too.

After a while, he sent his parents down to get some coffee for themselves, and she turned to him, "So, have you met anyone yet or are you still insisting that you're a lone wolf?" She asked, with a teasing grin.

"I am a lone wolf." He answered with a smile of his own, before shrugging, "There is somebody, but it's not like that." She just looked at him, and he could see the concern written on her face, "Well what is it like?"

"I fucked it up. He met somebody else while I was away."

"Wait, he?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. Oh, yeah. He'd sort of forgotten the minor detail that he'd never actually been with a man before Ray, and that he'd never even shown any attraction to another man. So he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised that she was a little taken aback. Still, he didn't feel the panic that he felt at the prospect of somebody that would get him in trouble finding out - Fiona was his sister, and he knew she'd never breathe a word to anybody about it if he asked her not to.

He just nodded then, picking at a loose thread on the hospital sheets, "Yeah, it's uh.. it's Ray."

"Hang on, that little asshole from Missouri?" She asked, but she was smiling. Ray had been crashing at his place for a couple of days about a year ago - before Walt's wedding and before he'd moved back up to Oceanside - and Fiona had dropped out while he was there. She'd stayed for dinner, and Brad had been surprised at the fact that they'd gotten along like a house on fire. This was before anything had actually happened between himself and Ray, and he was half expecting her to ask if she could marry Ray afterwards. He was glad though, that they'd gotten along - or he had been up until they had tag-teamed in bullying him.

"Yeah, he moved up to Oceanside a couple months ago, and just.. it just happened."

"Well, shit. Is he any good in bed?" She asked, teasing grin back on her face. He knew that she was only poking fun at him, but he could feel the way his face flushed at her question. It was his sister, it was weird to talk about this with her. She noticed though, and her face lit up with delight, "Brad Colbert, you dirty dog! You have been boning him!"

"A couple of.. occurrences, have occurred." He stammered, fully aware of the fact that he sounded like Encino Man.

"Eloquently put, professor."

"It's not like that though. Like I said, I screwed up and he met somebody else." He said with a shrug. When he looked back up at her, her smile was gone, replaced with an expression that he couldn't quite place. She reached over and thumped him on the good shoulder after a moment, and he really wasn't sure why the fuck she looked so furious at him, "You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" She asked.

"I've been told."

"You got shot, Brad, you nearly died. He's been by your side since pretty much day fucking one. You finally get a chance to be happy with someone that you clearly love - that we both know won't fuck you over and run off with your best friend - and you just roll over and let some other guy have it? Why the fuck are you not fighting for this?"

He was a little speechless actually, mainly at the fact that she'd laid into him like she just had, "Who said anything about love?" He asked, and she just rolled her eyes. He knew he was full of shit though, he was fully aware of the fact that he was in love with Ray, he just wasn't sure how she had picked up on it too.

"You think I'm a fucking idiot too?" She asked, before rolling her eyes again as she began to count off on her fingers, "You've never even mentioned anybody since Laurie, not once, and I know you had casual things here and there. The fact that you brought him up at all when you guys aren't even dating. The fact that you've admitted for maybe the first time in your life that the great Brad Colbert fucked up. That you're basically coming out to me over him.. you do love him, don't you?"

He couldn't quite bring himself to look her in the eye for a moment, but he eventually just nodded. He just.. what was the point in lying to her about it? He did love him, and apparently that much was obvious to everybody around them. He heard her sigh for a moment, and she reached over to scratch her hand through his hair, "You're stupid, I hope you know that." She told him. He did flash her a quick smile at that. She was tough actually, she'd have made a hell of a Marine. Not that he wanted his sister anywhere near the likes of Manimal, but he knew she was well able to hold her own - she had a damn mouth on her like a Marine anyway.

He was about to respond when their parents came back, both looking a little more relaxed now that they had had a cup of coffee and had seen for themselves that he was still alive and kicking. He was glad that he'd had this conversation with Fiona, but he knew it was probably a little soon to break the news to his parents. He knew his mother was still hoping for grandchildren from him, and he'd nearly given her a stroke when he'd told her a couple of years back that he didn't plan on having children. So it was probably a good idea not to tell her that he was in love with a man until he absolutely had to.

"So what were you two talking about?" His father asked as they sat back down, and Brad shared a quick look with Fiona.

"I was just bullying Brad, y'know, the usual." She said with a sly smile in his direction.

-x-

Ray came by again the next day, which Brad was pretty damn grateful for.

He had a television in the room, but there weren't many channels on it, and even less shows playing on those channels that held any appeal towards him. His doctor had been back that morning on her rounds to check up on him, and after changing his bandages she'd had him sheepishly standing up from the bed to test his strength on his knee. That had been about all though, and while he was frustrated, he knew that it was still very early days and that it was going to be a long road to recovery. That had been about all the entertainment he'd had since this morning though, apart from a short phone call from Walt where the other man had assured him that he was doing okay and that he'd spoken to a few of the other guys around and let them know that he was okay.

Long story short, he'd been bored out of his mind all morning. So he was more than relieved when Ray came by, shrugging his backpack off his shoulder, "Hey, homes. Brought you some shit." He told him, tossing a bag of skittles onto the bed beside him, as well as a magazine and a newspaper. He slid a cup of coffee across to him too, and Brad swallowed a mouthful down with a groan. Fuck, it had been a little over nine weeks since he'd had a cup of good American coffee - and not some shit that one of the guys had brewed up over an open fire.

"Anything good on TV?" Ray asked as he sat himself down in the chair beside the bed, propping his feet up on the bed next to where Brad's were. He flicked through the channels for a moment, before stopping on what appeared to be a show about wedding dresses, "Oh, awesome. Say Yes to the Dress."

"You actually watch this shit?"

"Brad, sometimes you need a bit of mindless reality TV." He said with a grin, reaching over to swipe the bag of skittles and scooping out a handful before handing the bag back over to Brad, "The Doc by earlier? What'd she say?" He asked.

"Nothing new really, just changed my bandages and stuff. She had me standing this morning, but my knee fucking hurts."

"Well yeah, you fell so hard that you cracked the goddamn kneecap. Its gonna hurt."

Ray looked rested actually, which Brad was relieved to see. It had spooked him a little yesterday when he'd woken up to see how burned out the other man looked. Even when they'd been in the depths of their deployment in '03 - when Ray'd been running on no sleep in seventy-two hours, overdoing it on the Ripped Fuel, and hadn't eaten anything except for a shitty peanut butter MRE that Brad had almost had to force down his throat - he hadn't looked as wrung out as he had yesterday. So yeah, he was relieved to see that Ray looked as though he'd gotten at least a couple of hours sleep and a decent meal.

They just watched TV for a while, passing the bag of skittles back and forward between them. He was more than happy to doze off and tune out Ray's bitching that, "Yeah, okay, so I get that the mom doesn't want to make up the difference in the price of the dress, but she doesn't have to be such a fucking bitch about it either."

He was just glad to have him there actually, and while they weren't even really minding each other, it was nice to just occupy the same space, to have him there with him, "You talk to Walt, actually?" Ray asked after a moment, interrupting Brad from where he'd been flicking through the magazine Ray had brought for him.

"Yeah, not for long though. He pretty much just said that he'd been talking to Nate and Poke and the other guys, letting them know that I wasn't actually dead. His ankle sounds pretty bad though."

"Yeah, shit. Think he snapped the bone right in two."

"I thought he'd been hit too, he looked like he'd been hit." He murmured with a shrug, remembering how sickeningly pale Walt had looked on the airfield after he'd shot over to Brad's side - obviously running on adrenaline. It was fairly obvious that he'd been in pain, but he'd thought nothing of it when Walt assured him that he'd only gone over on his ankle. He hadn't actually realised how bad a break it had been; he'd just been relieved that he hadn't been hit.

"Well, you had that part covered." He teased with a grin, and Brad couldn't help but smile and roll his eyes. Well yeah, he knew Walt certainly wasn't going to be running any drills any time soon, but he still couldn't help but be glad that he'd only broken his ankle - no matter how bad the break had been - and that he hadn't been shot too. He'd have to get in touch with one of the guys on base soon, see had anyone heard anything about the other guys that were still over there. He was already getting antsy thinking about them.

They turned their attention back to the television after that, although Brad wasn't exactly dedicating his undivided attention towards it, and he was pretty sure Ray wasn't either. They were just.. inhabiting the space together, and it was nice.

"Y'know." Ray said conversationally after a couple of minutes, "They weren't sure if you'd need a liver transplant or not. I had to cause a scene out in the hall before they'd do a test to see if I was a match or not, and turns out I am. Think, you could'a had part of my liver in you right now."

"Ray, I would rather die from catastrophic liver failure than live with a part of your disease-riddled body inside mine." He deadpanned, although now that Ray mentioned it - he did have a vague recollection of waking up to hear somebody shouting out in the hallway, somebody that he'd thought at the time sounded a hell of a lot like Ray. That was before he'd known he was back in the States though, so he'd assumed he was hearing things.

"Well, you didn't have a problem with putting your cock inside my disease-riddled body, now did you?" He asked, still looking at the television. He'd said it so casually though, that Brad wasn't entirely sure that he realised what he'd said. He didn't say anything in response, and after a moment it seemed like it had dawned on Ray what he'd said, "Fuck, sorry. We're not talking about that." He murmured, putting his hands in his pockets. Brad just watched him, and after a moment his face twisted in frustration, "Actually, fuck you, we are talking about this, 'cause I finally have you somewhere that you can't run away from this conversation."

He sat up properly in the chair, biting his lip gently as he looked over at Brad, "I love you. I'm so fucking in love with you, and I don't want to stop doing this thing with you. But.. you're my best friend, and while we have some really great sex, it's gonna ruin our friendship if we keep going the way we're going, and I don't want that to happen. Especially after you nearly just fucking died on me. So I hate to like, dump this ultimatum or whatever on you, but it's your choice - either you're with me, or you're not, but you don't get to pick and choose what parts you get."

Brad was honestly a little blindsided. He knew he'd been sort of safe in guessing that Ray had some sort of feelings for him, but he just.. he hadn't expected him to start spouting right this second about how he loved him. He barely knew where to even start. He knew what he wanted though, it was just about letting himself have it - about trying to get over his own hang-ups without hurting Ray in the process, "I.. what about Dan?" He asked, a frown creasing his face. Well yeah, he'd been under the impression that Ray had still been dating Dan, that he'd moved on from Brad.

"Eh, it didn't last. He was nice, but he wasn't my type really."

"What is your type?"

"You know what my type is."

Brad just looked at him at that, and Ray just looked right back - as though he was daring him to say something else stupid. God, he had really lovely eyes actually. Not that he hadn't noticed before, he'd just never taken the time to think about it, "Ray.."

"Look, he wasn't you, alright? And that's probably really fucking stupid of me to base my standards on, because you haven't said anything to even indicate that you want this too, and now I've probably made a massive idiot of myself. And I k-"

"Ray, shut up."

"No, fuck you. I've been quiet about this for long enough. I love you, and I want to be with you. But I meant what I said before, I can't take being fucked over by you again, so if you can't get over whatever it is that's holding you back will you please just let me know, 'cause I can't put myself out there for you any more if you don't wa-"

"Ray!" He said sternly, fully aware that he was using his Gunnery Sergeant voice. It seemed to do the trick though of shutting Ray up, and the younger man just looked over at him, his expression steeled into a neutral expression, "Will you get over here and kiss me already?"

Something in Ray seemed to soften at that, and a small smile spread over his face, "Yeah?" He asked quietly, and it broke Brad's heart a little bit to hear how hopeful he sounded. So he just smiled back, giving him a small nod, "Yeah." He murmured. Ray stood up after a moment, sitting on the edge of the bed instead, and he reached over to trail his fingers gently along the curve of Brad's jawline, "Does this mean you're finally getting over yourself?" He asked, his fingers continuing their trail down until they rested against the hollow above his collarbone.

"It means I'm gonna try. I want to be with you too, Ray, you have to know that."

Ray didn't bother responding, he just leaned over to press their lips together in a kiss. Brad brought his own hands up to cup the other man's face between them, humming low in his throat against his lips as they kissed. God, he just.. this was all he'd wanted. He'd wanted this so desperately, wanted Ray so desperately, and now he was getting another chance. He just needed to not fuck it up this time, and fuck if he was going to try his very best.

He pulled away after a few moments, and the two of them shared a smile before he pressed another quick kiss to his lips. Ray let it linger, and Brad smiled as he felt Ray's fingers at his jawline again, "Fuck." Ray murmured against his lips, "Why the fuck did you have to be incapacitated when we finally agreed to do this?" He asked with a hint of a grin.

"I apologise that my getting shot is inconvenient for you, Ray."

"Yeah, you fucking should be sorry. You could be getting laid right now if you weren't lying here full of holes."

He smiled, letting his fingers find Ray's where they were resting on the bed next to him. God, he just.. he really loved Ray. After how Laurie had fucked him over, he'd promised himself that he'd never open himself up to another person like that - that he didn't need somebody else. He supposed he should've known that there was never any hope though, that there was no way he couldn't have fallen for Ray. He was pretty sure that the younger man had a lot to do with getting him through the clusterfuck that was OIF, and looking back on it now? He wasn't sure what he'd have done without him there.

He knew that it probably would be a little frustrating for Ray though, because even though they were going to try to make this work, it didn't mean they could suddenly go public with it. They couldn't exactly tell people that they were together - with the exception of Walt and Nate obviously, as well as their families and a few of the other men that they knew that they could trust to keep their mouths shut. Other than that though, they still had to act like they were just friends. He loved Ray, but he'd dedicated almost thirteen years of his life in training to become the best of the best Marines. It was his whole life, and he was pretty sure he wasn't ready to give that up. So he just hoped that Ray could understand that.

Ray squeezed his fingers back, meeting his smile with one of his own, "Get that stupid dopey look off your face." He teased with a grin, although it was obvious that he clearly didn't mind that much if the way he pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Brad's mouth afterwards was any indication. Brad just rolled his eyes, biting his lip gently as he looked over at him, "I'm really glad you're here."

"God, who the fuck came up with the nickname 'Iceman'? You're a fucking marshmallow is what you are."

"You turn me into a marshmallow."

That drew a laugh from Ray, who proceeded then to dramatically retch over the side of the bed. Brad just playfully pushed him, laughing too when it caused Ray to almost slip off the bed. Yeah, maybe they had a lot to talk about with how this thing was going to work between them, but he was pretty sure that they'd be okay.

-x-

By the time he was discharged from the hospital, he had a pretty good feeling about the way things were going between them.

After a couple of days of Ray visiting him in the hospital, he'd decided it was probably about time that they attempted to talk out some of the shit that had been playing on his mind - mainly about how they were going to make this work. Obviously the biggest concern that he had was fucking DADT, and how he needed Ray to understand that they couldn't make this a public thing. He was just glad that Ray wasn't still in the Corps though - because with the situation right now, the worst ramification this whole thing could have was that he ended up being discharged from the Corps. If Ray had still been a Marine, they'd both be discharged and then he'd probably end up in some serious trouble too, what with being Ray's direct superior. So it was just a slight blessing that they didn't have to worry about that much.

Thankfully though, Ray had been more than understanding about the whole thing.

After he'd decided to just get it all off his mind, and had basically word vomited at Ray about how he wanted this, and that he needed Ray to know how much he wanted it, but that they couldn't let on that there anything going on between them, and that that didn't mean he was ashamed of it or anything, Ray had just fixed him with a hard stare, and he frowned as he looked right back at him, "What?"

"Homes, I'm not asking you to forward around an email to every one of your officers, informing them of all the big gay feelings you have for me. I just want you to be real with me and stop acting like you can't let yourself have this."

"It's not going to be easy."

"Yeah, no shit. I'm dating Brad Colbert, easy was never going to be part of the plan."

"I just don't want you to end up feeling like it isn't worth it."

"Did you forget the part where I said I loved you?" Ray asked, still watching him with that same pointed look on his face, "Who gives a fuck if it isn't going to be easy? We don't do things the easy way, that's why we became Recon Marines. I want you, and you want me, and we can work out the kinks along the way.. in both sense of the word, I guess." He teased, the serious expression on his face quickly replaced with a grin that Brad couldn't help but return.

-x-

It was another eleven days after that conversation, and on Tuesday he was finally released from the hospital, on the condition that he took it easy. Ray had promised the doctor that he'd personally watch him like a hawk and make sure he didn't lift a finger.

He wasn't looking forward to it though, he didn't like having to take things easy. He pushed himself at everything he did, always worked his hardest to be the best version of himself that he could. He knew though, that spending almost three weeks in hospital after being shot and basically shattering his kneecap, that he would have to slow down a little. His bike was most certainly off limits though, and he hated that.

He was just glad to have Ray there though, because he was pretty sure he would start to go crazy if he was expected to sit alone in his house all day and watch television.

Surprisingly though, when Ray drove them out of the hospital parking lot, he didn't bring them straight back to Brad's place, he stopped in at Walmart first. At Brad's raised eyebrow, he shrugged as he cut the engine, "You weren't supposed to be home for like another four months, you have absolutely no food at home except for like.. an unopened jar of peanut butter and some frozen burgers in the freezer. I thought you didn't even like peanut butter anymore, homes." He rambled as he got some grocery bags from the back of the truck before helping Brad out of the passenger seat.

"That's why it's still unopened."

"Yet you still went out and bought it, you're a fucking weirdo." He groused, although his smile was playful.

Thankfully, they didn't spend too much time strolling around Walmart, just picked up the essentials that Ray claimed they needed for the moment until he could bring him out for a proper shopping trip. He was somewhat glad though, because he hated to admit the fact that he was fucking tired, but he was. All he had done for the last three weeks was either lay in bed, or do the required walking around and light exercises that his doctor had made him do. It was a little infuriating, because he was a Recon Marine, he had gone through all sorts of unthinkably hard training so that he could do his job, and now he was tired from lying in bed. He had a feeling Ray sort of guessed that though, which was maybe why he was cutting the shopping trip short.

He did pick up a pair of Ray-Ban style sunglasses though, and paid for them at the till after Ray had finished paying for his own shopping. Once they got back to the truck, he tugged off the label before dropping them in Rays lap. It wasn't at all because he'd seen them and thought that they'd suit him, it was purely just so that the other man would have some other sunglasses to wear that weren't those fucking ridiculous Elvis ones. It was. Thankfully, Ray didn't call him out on it though, he just smiled as he put the sunglasses on.

Once they got back to his house, he insisted that Ray let him at least carry something, and he rolled his eyes when the younger man tossed a loaf of bread to him before grabbing the rest of the bags, "I'm not a complete invalid, Ray, I can carry some things."

"Brad, where did we just come from?"

"Walmart?"

"Before that."

"The hospital."

"Right, and why were you in the hospital?"

He stayed silent at Ray's question, rolling his eyes as he watched him hauling the bags out of the back of the truck. Ray was still looking at him though, "Well?"

"Because, Ray, I was shot."

"Exactly. You were shot, and you broke your knee, and you needed surgery both in the field and once they got you home. So shut the fuck up and let me carry the groceries." He told him. He didn't sound pissed off though, he sounded pretty lighthearted, so Brad just rolled his eyes and followed him up to the house.

Ray put one of the bags down as he rummaged in his pocket for Brad's house keys, unlocking the door once he'd found them, "Actually, Brad, sweetheart, I know you're still recovering and all that, but I'm gonna need you to do me a favour once you're all squared away."

Brad barely registered what Ray had even said to him though, because the only part of that sentence that had stuck out was the fact that Ray had just called him 'sweetheart'. They didn't do pet names, they had never done pet names. Okay sure, there had been the few occasions where Ray had teasingly called him 'baby', but that was all just to wind him up in front of the other men. Still, he couldn't deny the rush of affection he felt for the other man at the pet name, "Did you just call me 'sweetheart'?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I'm- I am not a sweetheart. I am a-"

"Yeah, yeah. I've injured your delicate warrior sensibilities, I'm very sorry." Ray said with a grin. He let them into the house, shutting the door behind Brad once he'd followed him in. They got as far as the hallway before Ray put the bags down, and pulled him close by the belt loops of his jeans, "You totally are a sweetheart, don't even try to deny it."

He wanted to argue, he really did. But the smile on Ray's face was so genuine that he couldn't do anything except cup his face between his hands and press their lips together in a sweet kiss, "What was the favour you wanted?" He asked once they had parted, and Ray looked at him blankly for a moment before his face lit up,

"Oh, yeah. I need you to kick down the front door for me."

"You.. what?"

"Come on, you're basically a Viking. You don't think I've fantasised about it once or twice?" He asked, and Brad couldn't help but shake his head, a slightly disbelieving laugh slipping out.

"And you call me the fucking weirdo."

-x-

Next Thursday, he had to stop by Pendleton. Obviously he was on injury leave at the moment, but he needed to stop in and have a quick medical exam done before the doc signed off on his leave.

Ray had offered to drive him at first, but yesterday he'd gotten a call about an interview for the college program he'd applied to, and it just so happened to be at the same time that Brad was due on base. He'd assured him that it was more than fine though, that he could call a cab. It was still a little infuriating that he wasn't cleared to drive just yet. He got that his bike was totally off limits for the moment, but he wished that he was even able to drive his truck. Ray was being particularly insistent on that front though, and he'd made him promise that he wouldn't attempt to go surfing either. He'd reluctantly agreed.

He smiled as he sat at the end of Ray's bed, watching the younger man fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket, "Are you sure it looks alright?" He asked, turning around to Brad. He was wearing a navy suit with a white shirt, and a darker navy tie along with it. He looked nervous though, and so Brad just beckoned him closer, before settling his hands on his hips as he looked up at him, "You look incredible." He said with a small smile.

It was only now that he realised that he'd never actually seen Ray in a business casual suit like this before. He'd seen him in dress blues, in a disgusting MOPP suit that hadn't been washed in six weeks, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, in a wedding suit at Walt's wedding, hell.. even naked. But he'd never seen him in a suit like this, and he was pretty surprised at how well it suited him. He was pretty sure he wouldn't need to wear a suit like this every day when he finally did start college, but he was a fan of how it looked on him.

Ray rubbed his hands over his face for a moment, before draping his arms around Brad's neck, "Why the fuck am I so nervous about this? I've done interviews before."

"Yeah, but they've all been for shitty, dead-end jobs. This is for something you actually want."

"Yeah.. I guess you're right." He murmured, pulling an arm back to rub at one of his eyes with a knuckle before dropping it back around Brad's neck. He glanced at his watch after a moment, "I gotta go, you sure you don't want me to drive you to base?" He asked, and Brad shook his head, "No, it's fine, I'll get a cab."

"Okay, hopefully I'll come home with good news."

"Hey, you did your research, and you know your stuff. You'll be fine." He told him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before letting him go.

Ray left once he had checked his reflection in the mirror once more and had grabbed his folder and his keys, and then it was just Brad. He knew that Ray was nervous about the interview, but he really didn't think he had anything to worry about. Besides, it wasn't even really a proper job interview, it was just for a place in the program. Either way though, he knew Ray was a fucking genius when it came to things like this, so he really didn't doubt that he had what it took.

He left not too long after Ray, figuring that maybe he'd just walk rather than taking a cab. He had time, plus he was pretty sure the exercise would do him good. He was still wearing the brace on his knee, but his surgeon at the hospital had told him that it was good to keep moving on it - just that he wasn't to overdo it. He'd be fine, he knew his limits. So on that note, he just pulled on a jacket before heading out the door.

It took him about half an hour to get to Pendleton - and while he could feel his knee starting to ache, he was glad that he hadn't just hopped in a cab. He was independent - Ray would call it stubborn - and he liked to do things himself. He didn't like to be told that he couldn't do things. Once there, he headed over to Camp Chappo, where the Medical Battalion was stationed. He doubted it would take too long, if he was being honest, he just needed a quick medical exam from Doc Taylor - the Corpsman he'd been assigned to - and to get him to sign off on his leave, and that would be that.

He headed over to his office, smiling when Taylor stuck his head out the door shortly after he'd arrived, "Hey, Colbert, come on in." He told him. He'd only met Taylor a couple of times before, Bryan having been the Medical Corpsman for his own platoon. Since Bryan wasn't here though, he'd been assigned to Taylor's care for the time being. He was nice though, and he seemed like he knew what he was doing - so Brad wasn't about to complain.

"How is the knee doing today?" He asked as Brad sat up on the examination table, letting him take the brace off.

"It's okay. A little sore, but nothing out of the ordinary."

"You look like you're favouring it."

"Yeah, I uh.. I walked here." Taylor fixed him with a pointed look at that, and Brad was pretty sure that it must have been a Medical Corpsman thing, so be able to make someone want to wither away just by shooting them a look. Bryan was able to do exactly the same thing. Still, he was pretty sure that the walk over had done him some good - mentally anyway. He'd been feeling a little cooped up lately.

"I'm calling you a cab home." Taylor told him, before getting on with the medical exam. It was nothing too excessive - he just double checked his knee, made sure that everything was healing up the way it was supposed to, before examining the sites of his stitches from the surgeries on the bullet wounds and taking some bloods. Everything looked to be in shape though, so Taylor didn't keep him too long.

"I think you're good to go." He told him, Brad watching him as he signed off on his medical leave documents, "I have you down for two weeks, but nothing heavy once you're back until you're cleared, alright? I'm afraid there's a lot of paperwork in your future, Brad." He said with a slightly sheepish smile, and Brad just huffed out a breath of laughter, "Don't worry about it."

He was pretty sure it was going to get frustrating, but he knew that it was for his own good. Besides, he had Ray around to entertain him for the next two weeks anyway. His interview was today, but if he did get into the program then he wouldn't be starting until the end of next month. So maybe some time off with him wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, especially since they were still sort of figuring things out between themselves.

"Alright, well I think that's it. Walsh is out at the front desk, he'll get you a cab."

"Great, thank you." He said with a small smile, shaking Taylor's hand before letting himself out of the office. He'd made it as far as shutting the door behind him, and was planning on heading to the desk Taylor had told him about to ask Walsh to call him a taxi, when he noticed a familiar blonde head of hair walking in the opposite direction. Not that that particularly stood out, it was the crutches really that made him realise who it was.

"Walt, hey." He called, waving when Walt turned in his direction. The younger man smiled when he noticed Brad, and he headed over to Walt to save him hobbling over on the crutches, "I didn't know you were supposed to be here today, how are you?" He asked.

He was relieved to see that Walt looked a hell of a lot better than he had the last time he'd seen him in person. They'd spoken on the phone since they'd gotten home, and he'd called him on Skype when Ray had brought him his laptop in the hospital, but the last time he'd actually seen the other man in person had been over in Iraq - when he'd quickly been bleeding out, and Walt had gone a sickly grey colour due to the pain of his broken ankle. If he was being honest though, he was just relieved that they were both still alive.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just in for my medical exam."

"Me too." He said with a nod, "I've got a long, excruciatingly boring time ahead of me."

"Come on, I don't think anything could be excruciatingly boring with Ray Person around." Walt said, his smile hinting that he was aware of maybe more than he was letting on.

"Have you spoken to him much?" He asked as they walked along, although he was deliberately taking it slow so as not to rush Walt on his crutches. He'd be more surprised actually if Walt wasn't aware of the fact that he and Ray had finally gotten together, mainly because of how close the other two men were. He'd woken up on the couch yesterday after a nap, to find Ray on the other chair with his laptop in his lap, both he and Walt giggling like two schoolgirls through the screen over whatever they'd been talking about. Sometimes he found it was better not to ask.

"I have, yeah. He told me.. some things. I'm glad it worked out." He said, and Brad couldn't help but return his smile.

"So how did your exam go?" He asked after a moment, purely because talking about his and Ray's relationship in public made him itchy - despite the fact that they hadn't actually said anything that could be held against him.

Walt just shrugged, biting his lip gently, "It's looking like a medical discharge could be in my future." He shrugged, and shit.. Brad certainly hadn't been expecting that.

"What? Why?"

"I've had two surgeries on my ankle and it's still healing funny. Other than do a total reconstructive surgery - which will weaken it anyway - there's not a lot more they can do except wait it out and see how it heals. I've been told though that, chances are, I'm gonna be stuck with a limp for the rest of my life. Which, not really ideal for a Marine."

Brad honestly didn't know what to say to that. He'd basically shattered his kneecap, he'd been shot in the neck and had nearly bled to death, he'd nearly died twice while being transferred home, and yet he was cleared to come back after a couple of weeks of rest. Walt had only broken his ankle, and now he was looking at a discharge?

"Fuck, Walt. I'm so sorry. Can you not appeal it or something?"

"Nah. Or.. maybe I could, I don't know. I'm not gonna though. I don't think I really mind that much, if I'm being honest."

"Why not?" He asked, a frown crossing his face with the confusion. Last he'd talked to Walt about this, the other man had been planning on going career. He still hadn't been totally sure why he'd wanted that though, if he was being honest, considering he had a new wife at home and a baby on the way.

"It's just.. the baby is gonna be here before we know it. I thought going career seemed like a good idea, but I don't want to be away for months at a time, y'know? And seeing you get shot like that.. it could be me next time. I want to be there for my kid, I don't want to miss seeing her grow up."

"Her?"

Walt smiled at that, ducking his head slightly, "We haven't found out yet, but I think it's a girl."

He was glad actually, that Walt had reconsidered. He wasn't totally sure that he wouldn't have gone through with it and become a career Marine if this hadn't come up, but he was glad that the whole situation had shed a little light on Walt's decision. He knew that if their positions were swapped, and Doc Taylor had told him that he was looking at a medical discharge, he was pretty sure he'd have lost the plot. He was a Marine through and through, but while Walt had been good to have on his team; he knew that some guys weren't cut out to be in it for life.

"Okay, well I'm glad that you're okay with this decision."

"I am. It was probably a little stupid of me to consider going career at all."

"Maybe a little." He said with a small smile, which Walt returned. Yeah, he was glad that he was doing okay - Walt was a good guy.

Eventually he put his hands in his pockets, glancing over in the direction of the desk, "I should get going. Ray had an interview today and he should be about done by now."

"Yeah, he mentioned. Tell him congratulations from me."

"Well, he doesn't know if he got it yet."

"He got it."

"Yeah, I know." He said with a small smile. He didn't have any doubt that Ray would have gotten into the program. Like he'd said - he knew his stuff, he'd done his research, and he had a way of charming his way into people's good books on top of that. So yeah, there was no doubt in his mind.

They shared a quick one armed hug after that, Walt assuring Brad that Alison was collecting him and that he didn't need to share a cab, before they parted ways.

As Taylor had promised him, there was a man called Walsh at the desk who called a cab for him, and there was one waiting outside the front gate by the time he got there. He was a little relieved actually, because while he'd enjoyed getting out and walking here, he was pretty sure he'd have ended up totally crippled if he'd attempted to walk back home too. Taylor had given him a prescription for new pain medication though, so he'd have to swing back out and pick that up later.

He hadn't been sure if Ray would be home before him or if he'd beat him back there, but he could tell that Ray had beaten him home nearly as soon as he'd gotten out of the cab - if the music blaring from the house was anything to go by. He wasn't exactly sure how they had fallen into this sort of routine, but he certainly wasn't going to complain. Since he had gotten out of the hospital, they'd sort of just silently agreed that Ray would be staying at his place for the time being. He'd dropped home to make sure all the windows were shut and the likes of that, but other than that? He'd been at Brad's since.

He'd brought Felix back around the day after Brad had gotten home, although he had another smaller cactus in tow too. When Brad had raised a questioning eyebrow, he claimed that it was an apology for knocking the little flower off Felix when he'd been watering it. So now he had two houseplants, Oscar and Felix.

He let himself into the house, wincing slightly at the volume with which The Who's 'Baba O'Reilly' was blaring from the kitchen. He supposed he should have been just grateful though that it wasn't Avril Lavigne. When he walked into the kitchen, he had to suppress a smile at the sight of Ray.

He'd changed out of his suit in the time since he'd gotten home, and was now wearing sweatpants and a wife-beater t-shirt. That wasn't the part that made him smile though. He obviously hadn't noticed Brad coming in yet over the noise of the music, and he was busy sliding around the kitchen in his socked feet as he sang along to the song, idly paying attention to something cooking on the stove top. He looked happy though, at ease, and so Brad was pretty sure the interview had gone well for him. Not that he'd ever had any doubt in his mind, but he'd known Ray was nervous. He guessed that his mood would be a little more on the sour side if he'd fucked up the interview.

He glanced back when Brad shut the door behind him, the song having quietened down enough for him to hear it. He smiled though when he saw him, pointing the spatula he was holding in Brad's direction as the song kicked back up, _"Bradley take my hand. We'll travel South across Afghanistan. Lay down some fire, and don't look past my shoulder."_ He crooned, and Brad couldn't help but smile and roll his eyes at how he changed the lyrics.

 _"The invasion is here, the Hebrew ones are near. Let's get together before we get much older."_ He sang, before grinning as Brad pulled him closer by the front of his t-shirt and wrapped his arms around his waist. God, he was so beautiful, his grin bright and his dimples carving deep into his cheeks. After a moment though, he wrapped his arms around Brad's neck in return and dramatically dipped back in time with the song. If he hadn't been prepared for him to do something stupid like that, he definitely would have dropped him. As it was though, he just huffed in amusement as he let Ray swing out of him.

"What sort of heinous crimes must I have committed in a past life to deserve being stuck with a sister-fucking, corn-fed, trailer trawling subhuman such as yourself?"

"Shut up, Brad. You love me." He chirped, ducking out of his arms and turning back to the stove.

His words were casual, as was his tone of voice, but just.. his words had elicited something in Brad, and it made him realise that he'd never actually told Ray he loved him. He'd been a little taken aback by the other man's outburst in the hospital when he'd first admitted how he felt about him, and while he'd asked him to kiss him? He'd never actually said the words. He was pretty sure that he knew, but he knew that it was nice to hear the actual words sometimes too.

"I do." He murmured, biting his lip gently as he looked over at him. Ray poked at whatever he was cooking - which looked to be an omelette - for a moment longer, before turning back to Brad with an eyebrow raised.

"I love you."

Ray just looked at him for a moment longer before crossing the kitchen to him, arching up on his tiptoes to press their lips together, "I wondered how long it was gonna be before you remembered to tell me." He mumbled against his lips, and Brad could feel him smiling into the kiss. He couldn't help but lean his forehead against Ray's even after they'd pulled back from the kiss, his hands resting on the other man's hips, "I love you." He murmured again, just because he liked how it felt to say the words.

"Jesus, who are you and what have you done with the Iceman?" Ray asked with a grin, and after a moment, "I love you too, y'know that."

"How did the interview go?"

"Fucking awesome, homes. They offered me a place then and there, which apparently never fucking happens."

Brad leaned down to kiss him again at that, sliding his hands underneath the fabric of Ray's t-shirt to rest on the bare skin of his hipbones, "Congratulations."

"Thanks, homes." And then, with a slightly more playful looking leer, "You wanna go celebrate?"

"I certainly won't say no." He said with a grin, pressing Ray back against the wall as he leaned down to kiss him again. He'd have crouched to lift Ray and carry him to the bedroom like he had last time, only he was pretty sure his knee wouldn't thank him for it at all. So he just took his hands and walked him back towards the bedroom, all the while attempting to keep his mouth on as much of Ray as was available.

They'd managed to lose their clothes by the time they got to the bedroom, and soon enough he had Ray spread out underneath him on the bed, holding himself up on an elbow as he worked him open with his fingers. Once they got down to it though, Ray insisted on riding him again - to take some of the pressure off his knee, he claimed. He was pretty sure Ray just liked to be the one that was in control though. Not that he had any problems with it. He was more than fine to sit up against the headboard, holding Ray close to him as he worked himself down over his cock.

Between everything that had happened - with the hospital stay, and then Brad's check up's and Ray preparing for his interview - this was the first time that this had actually happened since the night before he'd shipped out. While he wasn't going to lie and say that that hadn't been fucking incredible, this time was certainly different. There wasn't that edge of desperation to it - as though they were rushing into it because they thought they wouldn't get the chance again. Oh, and he'd completely ruined last time too by having to leave immediately afterwards. This time was sweeter, there was something.. lazy about it. He just held Ray close to him, Ray draping his arms loosely around his shoulders in return as they moved together. It was pretty intense though, but it was nice to know for sure that the look in Ray's eyes as he looked down at him was one of love, and he was pretty sure that look was reflected in his own eyes.

They slowly brought each other to the edge, and he twisted his fingers in Ray's hair, panting into his mouth as he came. Once he had finished, he used what he was pretty sure was the last of his brain function to wrap his fingers around Ray's cock, slowly jacking him off until he tipped his head back, coming with a groan low in his throat.

Grabbing the nearest article of clothing, which just so happened to be his t-shirt, he managed to clean them up somewhat before tossing the t-shirt back over the edge of the bed. He turned back to Ray after that, gathering him close in his arms and pressing a kiss to his temple, although he was pretty sure he got his hair more than anything else. Ray just smiled up at him, and he could feel his fingers slowly tracing lines along the tattoo covering his lower back, "I suppose it goes without saying that I'm never fucking speaking to you again if you skip out on me right now?" He asked, although he still had a smile on his lips.

He just rolled his eyes dragging the sheets up and over them, "Shut the fuck up, Ray."

-x-

When he woke up on Sunday morning, he was pretty sure that it was far too early to actually be getting up. The sun was just barely starting to peek through the curtains - just enough that the room was still mostly dark, but that he could make out the silhouette of Ray lying beside him without having to strain his eyes too much.

He smiled to himself as he just watched him, watching how he stirred slightly in his sleep. He was lying on his stomach, his head turned away from Brad, although he was still close enough for him to put his arm around him if he wanted. He could see the faint bruises in the junction of his neck and shoulder - evidence of what they had done the other night after Ray had succeeded in his interview. There was a couple from last night too.

He reached over, smoothing his hand up the length of Ray's back until he reached the back of his neck, before dragging it back down, over his flank until he settled it in the dip in the small of his back. He catalogued the tattoos he could make out from here as he went, taking note of the details of each one as he passed them, "Stop mauling me." Ray mumbled after a moment of this, his voice thick with sleep.

He turned his head to face Brad, giving him a tired smile, "I know I'm irresistible and all that, but it's generally frowned upon to grope people when they're asleep."

"You love it." He teased with a small smile, sliding his hand down further over the swell of his ass and giving it a light squeeze. Ray had a great ass, he'd be the first to admit that.

Ray just huffed in amusement, closing his eyes again as he pillowed his head on his arms, "Can't argue with that." He mumbled into his arms, "You wanna go again?"

"Give me an hour, I'm still asleep." He told him, draping his arm over the small of his back again and pulling him close. Ray's sharp elbow was pressing into his cheek, neither of them had showered last night after having slept together, and he was pretty sure that they both had pretty bad morning breath - but there was honestly nowhere else that he'd rather be right now.

When he woke up again for the second time, the room was bright, and Ray was sitting up against the headboard reading, "Hey." He murmured with a small smile, turning over onto his back as he rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, look, Sleeping Beauty finally awakens. You know you snore really fucking loudly, it would've been a shame if I'da had to smother you in your sleep with a pillow, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, y'know?"

"Shut up, Ray. It's too early to have to listen to you."

"Actually, it's after eleven. It isn't early in any sense of the word."

He was a little surprised at that actually, but a quick glance at the clock told him that Ray was right, it was nearing twenty past eleven. It was rare that he slept that late, considering he was usually up pretty early for work, and on the weekends he liked to get up early anyway and go for a surf or a run, or even just take a drive on his bike. Now though, with Ray warm and playful beside him, he was more than happy to just lay here with him all day. It was Sunday after all, neither of them had anywhere that they needed to be any time soon.

He couldn't quite make out the book that Ray was reading from here, and so he wasn't even sure who it actually belonged to. Ever since they had start living so close together, their belongings had started to just migrate back and forward between their houses. Even clothes, despite the fact that his clothes would be far too big on Ray, and Ray's definitely wouldn't fit him. Still, he didn't mind though.

Actually though, now that he had Ray here, he was reminded of something that had been playing on his mind for a couple of days - ever since he'd talked to Walt and realised that the other man was totally okay with the idea of being discharged from the military, "Hey, uh.. there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." He said, watching Ray turn his attention to him rather than the book he'd been reading.

"I'm not about to be dumped, am I?"

"What? No."

"Alright, shoot."

"What if, uh.. what if I retired from the Corps?" Ray just looked at him for a moment before he rolled his eyes, picking his book back up, "Don't be fucking stupid." He told him, and really, that hadn't been the reaction that Brad had been expecting at all, "I.. what?"

Ray glanced back at him for a moment, before sighing as he put the book back down, "What's this about? I could tell you were cracking up on Thursday 'cause Taylor told you to take two weeks off, and now you're thinking of retiring for good?"

"I just.. Walt was thinking of going career, and then when I ran into him on Thursday and he told me that he was being medically discharged, he was just so.. okay with it. He just wanted to spend time with his family and be there for them, and I- I want to be able to hold your hand in public." He murmured, looking down at the sheet rather than up at Ray. He was a little embarrassed, whatever, it was rare that he was so open with matters like this.

Ray seemed to soften a little at his admission though, and he shuffled down the bed a little so that he was lying down again, draping his arm around Brad, "Brad, sweetheart, you're a Marine. You've always been a Marine, and it'd be really fucking stupid of you to give that up for me."

"I love you, and I hate having to pretend that I don't."

"Hey, look. I know it's shitty, but you have nothing to prove to me. I don't need you to scream it from the rooftops to your superior officers to prove that you love me. You know what makes this real for me?" He asked, and Brad just looked at him, waiting for him to continue speaking, "This right here, you being here when I wake up in the morning. When you tell me to shut the fuck up but I know that you really mean 'I love you'. When you actually tell me you love me. When you tell your sister all about me before we even got together. Wh-"

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"She called me to bitch about you."

"And why the fuck does my sister have your phone number?"

"So we can bitch about you. Keep up, Brad."

With a mental note to swipe Fiona's phone and delete Ray's number off it next time he saw her - and to do the same with Ray's phone as soon as he got the chance - he turned his attention back to the younger man when he brushed his knuckles against the line of his jaw, "I mean it though. Don't you even think about retiring for me, 'cause I know you don't want to retire and I can't have you end up resenting me for that when you realise you've made a mistake."

"It wouldn't be a mistake."

"Maybe not, but I know it'd make you miserable. I meant it when I said that you've nothing to prove to me though. I'm happy just having you here and knowing that you want me as much as I want you. That's enough, alright?"

Brad couldn't help but gather Ray close in his arms at that, pressing his face into the junction between his neck and his shoulder. He was grateful that Ray had reacted the way he had, because while he would have retired for Ray in a heartbeat if he'd asked him to, he really didn't want to have to. He knew he said now that he wouldn't have resented him, but he really couldn't predict that that would still be the case ten years down the line, when he was going out of his mind with boredom trying to work a regular nine to five job. He would have done it though, if Ray had asked him to. He knew what he meant though, this was between them, and if they could come home to each other at the end of the day and mean it when they said they loved each other, then he didn't need to be able to kiss him in public the way Walt could with his wife.

He smiled when he felt him kiss the top of his head, tilting his head back a little to accept the second kiss, "You're sure?"

"Yeah, homes. I mean, you got no idea how much I appreciate that you'd have done that for me, but I don't want you to."

Well yeah, obviously they were thinking along the same lines here. He knew that to do that would be to compromise himself entirely, to totally change who he was for Ray, and he didn't want either of them to have to make those sort of sacrifices.

"Thank you." He murmured, pressing another soft kiss to his collarbone before just settling properly against him, "You want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah, I vote chick-flick."

"Definitely not a chick-flick."

-x-

The following Wednesday, he was back on base for another medical check up, just to make sure that his progress was coming along okay. He would have complained about all of the poking and prodding, but he didn't want to skip his check up appointments and then go back weeks later to find that his knee was healing funny. It was better that he kept up to date with them.

He was making good progress though, Taylor had finally taken his stitches out and had given him a cream to use to hopefully avoid scarring. He'd warned him that he probably would be left with faint scars, but he didn't mind too much about that. He was still alive, and the scars were just a reminder that he'd pulled through this. Besides, when Ray had caught him examining the stitches in the mirror the other day, he'd assured him that scars were sexy.

He'd been told he could finally stop wearing the knee brace too - which was more of a relief than he'd let on. Not that he minded it exactly, it was just a pain to have to keep it on all the time. He knew it was helping, but he still felt clunky and awkward in his movements when he had it on. He knew that Ray had realised it was bothering him, but he was relieved at the fact that he hadn't said anything either.

He was pulling his shirt back on when Taylor turned back to him, "Oh, before you go, Brad. Colonel Staunton wants to see you."

That was.. odd. He liked Staunton, but he wasn't sure why he'd have wanted to see him. He was still on leave, technically, so it wasn't like it would have been anything to do with his work that had come to Staunton's attention. Still, he supposed there was no point in speculating about it when he'd find out in a couple of minutes anyway. So he thanked Taylor, zipping up his jacket and pocketing the cream he'd given him before making his way over to Staunton's office. He knocked, letting himself in when he was told to.

Staunton smiled when he saw him, dropping the file he'd been reading into his desk drawer when Brad approached him, "Sergeant Colbert, thanks for coming to see me."

"Of course, sir." He said with a small smile, sitting in the seat opposite the desk when Staunton gestured for him to.

"How's the recovery coming along?"

"Good, sir. Taylor won't let me come back for another week, but everything seems to be in order so far."

"Excellent, glad to hear it." He said with a smile, before taking another document out of his desk drawer, "I won't beat around the bush, I want you to have a read of this." He told him, sliding the file across the desk to him.

Brad opened the file, raising an eyebrow as he skimmed through the contents. Transfer orders, to the Marine Detachment unit at Fort Benning, "Sir?" He asked, looking back up at Staunton, who smiled at him, "The Army Airborne school need a new special skills operations chief for their Marine unit. I thought it might be a good opportunity for you so I recommended you for the job and they'd be happy to have you."

Brad was a little blown away actually. This was a hell of an opportunity, and six months ago he'd have taken it without a seconds thought. Now though, he had other things besides himself to think of. He knew he couldn't just up and move to Georgia - it would be totally selfish of him to have just settled into a routine with Ray and then to come home and say 'oh by the way, I'm moving basically across the country, it's been fun'. He couldn't do that to Ray, and he knew he couldn't ask him to try and give the long distance thing a go. It wouldn't work, he knew that.

Staunton seemed to have noticed his hesitation though, because he ducked his head a little to catch Brad's eye, "Sergeant?"

"Yeah, sir. Sorry. Uh.. can I take this home? Sleep on it? It's an amazing opportunity, and I can't thank you enough for it. I just.. I've got some personal commitments I need to think about."

"A girl?" Staunton asked him with a smile, that Brad couldn't help but return,

"Yeah, something like that, sir."

Thankfully Staunton just nodded, leaning back in his chair, "Of course, Brad. I need a decision by Monday, but you're free to think on it until then. You won't be transferred for another three months time if you do decide to take it."

"Thank you, sir."

He left shortly after that, taking the file with him. Really, he had no idea what he was going to do. This was a hell of an opportunity, it just came at bad timing. With Ray having just gotten a spot in the program he wanted, he knew it would be selfish of him to ask him to move over the other side of the country. It would also be selfish to ask him to wait for him while he moved alone, but it would also be really fucking selfish to break up with Ray in order to move. Fuck, maybe he'd be better off just saying nothing to Ray and calling Staunton back to tell him that he couldn't take the job. He knew Ray would be pissed if he did that though.

By the time he got home, Ray was busy in the kitchen, and he raised an eyebrow when he noticed him lying on the floor underneath the oven door, attempting to screw it back on, "Should I even ask?" He asked as he sat at the table, watching him work - or more so watching the muscles in his biceps move as he worked. He wasn't buff like Rudy, but he still had muscle mass in that sort of wiry way, which Brad would never admit that he actually found pretty sexy. Whatever, he knew Ray was totally aware of the raging hard on he had for him like ninety percent of the time.

"The door was loose. I'm doing you a service here, homes, and I'm not gonna even charge you for it. Or maybe I should.. I will accept sexual favours as a form of payment though, just so you know." He responded with a grin as he sat back up once he'd finished with the door, shutting it then to see if it was on any tighter than it had been before. Once he was satisfied with his work, he climbed to his feet, crossing the room to Brad and dropping down onto his lap, "What's this?" He asked, glancing down at the file that he'd left on the table.

He just put his arms around Ray' waist, shrugging a little as he looked up at him, "Take a look."

Ray glanced through the file, and Brad had a pretty bad feeling at the frown that was crossing his face as he processed what he was reading, "They're transferring you across the fucking country?" He asked, and he still had that frown on his face that Brad hated - like he was preparing himself to be hurt.

"They want to, I have to make a decision by Monday."

"Are you gonna take it?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"If you're willing to move across the country with me."

Ray just looked at him at that, and Brad was pretty sure he could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he processed Brad's words. He knew this was pretty big though, so he wanted to try and have an adult conversation about this and about what they wanted to do, "And what if I'm not?" Ray asked after a moment, biting his lip gently as he looked over at him. This was what he'd been afraid of, that they wouldn't be able to come to some sort of compromise over this.

So he just shrugged, trailing his fingers gently along the bare strip of skin between the end of Ray's t-shirt and the waistband of his jeans that was exposed, "Then I won't take it, we'll stay here."

He assumed that that had been the right choice, that if Ray didn't want to leave California then they wouldn't go. He was beginning to think though - judging by the pissed off look on Ray's face - that maybe he hadn't made the right decision. His thoughts were further solidified by Ray punching him in the shoulder, his pissed off expression turning to one of outrage, "Ow, healing warrior here! What the fuck was that for?"

"Are you fucking stupid?"

"I.. what?"

"This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and you'd turn it down just 'cause I said I didn't want to move? Fucking stupid!" He groused, punching him in the shoulder again.

"Yeah, I would. Six months ago I'd be on the way to Georgia already, but I just.. I've got more important things to think about now. This is just a job, and I'd rather turn it down than lose you. You can't tell me that we'd be able to make this work if I moved to Georgia and you stayed here. I want you more than I want this job, so if you don't want to go then we don't go."

Ray continued to just look at him, although his expression had softened a little - which Brad was relieved to see. He hadn't wanted to piss Ray off with this, he'd just thought that this was the best course of action. He meant what he'd said though, he wanted Ray more than he wanted this job.

"You'd really want me to move with you?" Ray asked after a moment, and it tugged on Brad's heartstrings to hear how unsure he sounded, as though he couldn't quite believe it.

"Yeah, you're a part of my future, Ray, and I want you with me wherever we end up."

"We'd have our own place?"

"Yeah, if that's what you want." He said with a small smile. Honestly, he had been sort of thinking about that anyway. He and Ray were basically living together as it was - and even before Ray had unofficially moved in once he'd gotten out of the hospital, they'd been living in each others' spaces half the time anyway. The only change really was that Ray had started sleeping in his bed rather than going home to his own. If they moved in together though, there wouldn't be another house with another bed in it for Ray to go home to. He couldn't think of anything he'd like more really. Besides, maybe the move would be a good excuse for them to move in together. He knew it would raise a few eyebrows if they suddenly decided to shack up together, so at least this way they could come up with a plausible explanation.

"Are we really doing this?" Ray asked, and he had a hint of a smile on his lips that Brad couldn't help but lean up to press his own mouth to. After a moment though, he bit his lip gently as a thought crossed his mind, "What about school?" He asked, looking up at Ray, who just shrugged, "I'll go in and talk to them. I'm pretty sure I can transfer my starting credits, but there'll be other programs if I can't."

"You're sure you're okay with that? I mean, you did just say you weren't willing to move."

"Yeah, Brad, fuck. I just said that to see what you'd say, I can't wait to officially move in with you." He said with a grin, cupping Brad's face between his hands as he leaned in to kiss him again. They kissed for a couple of moments, before he just tucked his head under the crook of Brad's neck instead, humming at the feeling of Brad's hand smoothing up and down the length of his back.

If Brad was being honest though, he really couldn't wait for it either. He'd call Staunton tomorrow and tell him that he accepted the offer, and then they could get to work on looking at houses. It was nice really, the thought that he and Ray were going to own their own house together. He knew that they'd still have to pretend they were just two friends who had moved together, but they could use the excuse that Ray was going to school in Georgia and that he'd gotten transferred there, so it was just easier to get a place together. Nobody knew them there though, so he knew that that would make it a hell of a lot easier.

"Can we get another houseplant?" Ray asked after a moment, and Brad could feel his smile against his neck.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a dog.. maybe."

"Can we get a poodle?"

Brad just looked down at him, raising an eyebrow, "A poodle? We're Marines, we should be getting like.. a German shepherd or something."

Ray just huffed in amusement, tucking his head back into the crook of Brad's neck, "I guess I've got three months to persuade you."

Three months or not, Brad was pretty sure that if Ray really wanted a poodle, that he'd give in without too much argument. He was finding it hard to argue even now, with Ray curled up against him the way that he was.

-x-

Four months later, and they had finally moved.

Their house was small, nothing like the houses back in California, but Brad was totally okay with that. He missed having the ocean right next door to him, but he'd at least been able to bring his bike with him. He found he tended to go out on it less though, and when he did, he wasn't as reckless with it as he tended to be before. He'd always worn a helmet, of course, but it was rare he stuck to the speed limit. A week before they'd been due to move though, he'd had a minor accident and had ended up in hospital with road rash - nothing too severe, but he'd thought that Ray was genuinely going to kill him when he'd arrived to pick him up from the hospital. He hadn't even needed to stay overnight, but he knew it was just bad timing - considering he had just about recovered from his last stint in the hospital. After that, he was a little more responsible.

Ray seemed to be settling in well though, he'd gotten into the engineering program at the Columbus State University - which turned out to be a better fit for him anyway because of their good Veteran's program. It was pretty ideal, and Brad was glad that he'd looked into it.

As well as that, instead of having to argue over whether they wanted to get a German shepherd or a poodle, their choice had been decided for them when they'd gone to the pound and had both fallen in love with a cocker spaniel that had sat giving them puppy dog eyes through the glass of her kennel. Ray hadn't even had to break out his own puppy dog eyes to get Brad to agree, and they had brought her home with them. It was nice to have little Luna there with them, especially in the evenings when she'd curl up on his lap out on the back porch.

They had a spare room in the house that was made up to look like Ray's room, just in case they had company over, but it was more of a precaution than anything. It was a spare room, and in the three weeks that they had lived there, Ray had never once slept in that bed. He knew that they needed it though, because they still couldn't be seen to be together as anything more than friends. He was glad that Ray was okay with that though, because like he'd said when he'd brought up the idea of retiring to him; once they could come home to each other at the end of the day, nothing else really mattered.

-x-

Three years into their relationship, when DADT had finally been repealed, they were sitting on the back porch that evening after they'd both gotten home, Ray's hand stretched across the space between their two chairs to hold Brad's hand loosely.

He couldn't quite believe it really. He knew there'd been talk ever since back in July, but he didn't think that it would ever be repealed. He'd thought that he and Ray would have to pretend right up until he retired from the Corps - whenever that may be.

He'd gone inside to grab them both another beer, and when he'd come back out to the porch; he not only had a beer for them each, but he then dropped to one knee and held out a little black box to Ray. He'd been thinking about it for some time now, and when the news had reached them that DADT might be getting repealed, he'd gone out straight after work one day and had bought the ring. It was a simple thing, just a delicate silver band. He wouldn't have bought one with a huge rock, he thought they looked stupid anyway - and there was a tiny part of him that worried that Ray would enjoy looking like some sort of pimp with the huge ring. The one he'd bought was nice, it was still classy without being too showy.

Now that there was nothing stopping them, he didn't want to wait a minute longer to make it official with him.

It was only the third time in his life that he'd actually seen Ray cry - the first being on the football field after the altercation with Rudy, the second being when they were in the hospital after he'd been shot, and this being the third. He found he didn't mind it all that much this time though.

"Of course I'll marry you, thought you'd never fucking ask." He said with a smile through his tears, leaning down to pull Brad to him and press their lips together. He slid the ring onto his finger then, and they both smiled at how it looked on him before Ray just pulled him close again, his arms around Brad's neck and his cheek resting on top of his head. Brad just smiled, pressing his face into Ray's neck as he looped his arms around his waist, "I'm taking a photo, and this is definitely going on Facebook, by the way." He teased with a grin, and Brad couldn't help but smile.

"Shit, Brad, do you remember the conversation we had that started off this whole thing between us?"

"Vaguely." He murmured with a shrug. Well yeah, he remembered that he was really fucking drunk, so he guessed that he could be forgiven for forgetting some of the specifics.

"I asked you if you thought you'd ever get married and you said no. Look at us now."

Yeah, actually. Fuck. That was right. They'd been drunk off their asses on the cheap whisky Ray had brought with him and had been curled up on the floor at the end of the bed together, when Ray had started talking about marriage, "If I remember correctly," Ray said with a grin, "You thought marriage was an institution that you wanted no part in?"

"Shut up, Ray." He groused, although he was smiling.

Later on that night, when Ray was snoring quietly next to him and Luna was curled up at his feet on the end of the bed, Brad was browsing through Facebook on his laptop when a notification popped up that Ray had tagged him in a post earlier. When he clicked into it, he couldn't help but smile. Posted was the photo Ray had taken of them earlier; Brad still kneeling on the porch in front of Ray, with Ray holding his hand with the ring on it up to the camera. They both looked happy though, Ray had an arm looped around Brad's shoulders from behind him, and his eyes were still shining with the tears. Looking at himself though, it wasn't hard to see how in love he was. It was the caption of the photo that really got him though.

_"Today might just have been the best day of my life. Because one; DADT was finally repealed, and two; my huge Viking of a boyfriend finally asked me to marry him. The last four years with him have been incredible, but it was pretty shitty having to pretend that we weren't what we are. Now that this crappy policy has finally been thrown out, I'm finally able to marry my best friend in the entire world. Love you, Big Gay Brad, and I can't wait to start the rest of our lives together."_

He smiled as he clicked through the comments, most of which were from the other men that they had served with. He'd been worried about this part the most actually, of what they would think of him. He knew that Walt and Nate knew, but that was it, he hadn't wanted to think of what the other men would think of them. It seemed that he had nothing to worry though, he realised as he read through the comments.

 _"Congratulations! Can't wait for the wedding ;)"_ \- Walt Hasser; 19:43pm.

 _"Biggest congratulations to you both, my brothers! Very glad that you've found your happiness in the world and wishing you both the best!"_ \- Rudy Reyes; 19:57pm.

 _":)"_ \- Nate Fick; 20:04pm.

 _"Shit, dog. Congratulations. But also condolences to you, Brad."_ \- Tony Espera; 20:11pm.

 _"I always knew you were a faggot, Person. I better be one of the groomsmen though."_ \- James Trombley; 20:13pm.

He'd been a little alarmed at Trombley's comment, but he relaxed once he'd read the second part of it, and he couldn't help but smile as he noticed that Ray had already replied to Trombley's comment with nothing but a kissy emoji face.

Yeah, they'd be alright.


End file.
